Marwa Rakha

When Radio Netherlands broadcasted an Arabic translation of the Artificial Virginity Hymen kit (Gigimo), when Youm7 newspaper announced that the product will be available on the Egyptian market for LE 83, when conservative parliament members in Egypted wanted the product banned and any exporter exiled or beheaded, and when it caused such an uproar in the Egyptian blogosphere, Mohamed Al Rahhal just had to buy one.

A new petition calling for the release of jailed Egyptian blogger Kareem Amer has been launched. In February 2007, Amer was sentenced by an Alexandria Court to four years in prison - three for blasphemy against Islam and one for insulting Egyptian President Hosni Mubarak.

Download Mohamed Farouk's Contradictions in Lively Reflections

Download Lynda Renham's book for free - Crown of Thorns

COMING SOON!! Marwa Rakha´s first book – The Poison Tree – planted & grown in Egypt – has become Egypt´s first literary audio book in English. Narration: Marwa Rakha. Volunteering Artists: Amr Khaled – Bad Apple, Juliet Annerino, Lisa Portal . Main Soundtrack: Kama Sutra: A Tale of Love. Photography: Courtesy of Mahmoud Saad. Location: Club Mohamed Ali – Courtesy of Dr. Maged Farag. Recording: Courtesy of Radio Horytna – http://www.horytna.net/ . Sound Engineering: Mohamed Khaled

The book is written in a semi disjointed "part blog-part diary-part letter" fashion and someone who is used to a structured flow when reading, may start out feeling a bit disconcerted. But if you persevere you can gain some insights into Egytian culture, sexuality, morality and society. The unifying theme of the book revolves around gender stereotypes, dating and marriage and how men and women are held to different standards in society. While this may be true across the world, it is more pronounced in Egypt.

Here is my favorite part from the review: At times the book is a savvy "Sex and the City" type column writing that addresses different hot topics.  These include the avid interest that her fellow countrymen and women have with their fascination of the Arab world watching Egyptian serial soap operas. The author, Marwa Rakha addresses fascinating insights for Westerners into the Egyptian psyche on dating/marriage issues; ranging from the basic man and woman on the street opinions, to societal class distinctions and snobbery.  This includes the taboo topics of prostitution and the complex survival decisions some women, sadly, must make.    Bravely baring her soul and laying her innermost fears on the altar of Truth as she sees it, the author gives us a rare glimpse into the inner workings of Love and Romance, Egyptian Style. Beneath the biting words, there is always a sense of humor and a fond affection and deep love that binds her to her family, even though they must surely despair of this outspoken daughter and her future happiness.  It was beautiful how she wrote regarding her father´s driving her around all night when she could not sleep, plagued by inner demons.

Dipo Tepede, popular Nigerian blogger and entrepreneur, interviewed me for his blog on The Poison Tree - planted & grown in Egypt ... and a variety of controversial issues.  She is Marwa Rakha; she is the first model I will be introducing to you based on my write-up; An Uncertain World. I refer to her as my Egyptian self. This is how she defines herself in her popular website (www.marwarakha.com); «I found my passion in writing, my voice in teaching and writing, and my strength in marketing» This is exactly how I would have introduced myself but not as articulate as she has done. She is actually a very popular figure in Egypt, breaking traditions, extending barriers and pace setting. She is an Author, a Relationship Expert Speaker and professional speaker; a guest speaker with Egyptian Satellite Chanel, Modern TV, AIN, Dream TV and Nile FM, 104.2. She is an instructor with the Business Studies Division of American University in Cairo. I learnt a lot from the interview I had with her on herself, her bestselling book and Egyptian relationships. Please, kindly take your time to read her answers on this breathtaking interview:

Back in March 2007, I wrote here – on that very same page – on the issue of early divorces: The men and women who shared with me their sob stories are victims of our society. The double standards that they are brought up to adopt create what we call in business, an execution gap. There is a big void between where we really are and where we want to be; what we want and what we have; how we feel and how we act. We drown in an abyss of deluding illusions, unrealistic expectations, fake emotions, consuming demands, and the inevitable frustration. We get married for the wrong reasons; we mistake lust for love and confuse stability with stagnation. Mothers are over protective as though they want to suck us back into their wombs. Fathers discriminate between their sons and daughters. Women do not practice what they preach; they sing to the deaf ears of their male counterparts. Men do not meet the promises they make; they play to the sensitive tunes of the female vulnerability. Traditions, manners, taboos, and religion mix in one melting pot that defines stereotyped outlines for our ideal character and our perfect mate. We are dictated the answers to all the quizzes but we are left to face the final tests alone – we fail with flying colors. Are there "wrong" reasons for marriage? No!

My wounds have healed; My heart is no longer sealed.

Wandering Scarab wrote this great review of my pilot episode of Tadweena and of my relationships radio show on radio horytna, ba7eb feek eih

WHERE DO UNHAPPY PEOPLE GO?

In shades of orange I shall paint your face and promise you an eternal sunshine. Orange blossoms shall fill your lungs with the scent of happiness and hope. I shall carve our faces in stone and frame us in timber next to our bedside. Let me read you the poems that I wrote you over the years. Let my words guide you through the depth of my heart and the mazes of my mind. As we exchange vows we shall have a sip of our holy grail for our quest for love has upgraded us from mortals to martyrs. I am a witch and you are a magician. Our love is a wonder of the spell that shall forever bind us.

People are stubborn because their pride gets in the way, because they are arrogant and self-conceited, because they are selfish, because they are immature, or because they do not care; I am too proud to acknowledge that I was wrong and that you were right, that your idea is better than mine, or that your way is better than my highway. I am too arrogant to admit that I am a human being who can make bad calls, erroneous decisions, or faulty judgments. I am too immature to apologize for hurting your feelings, for letting you down, or for being emotionally unavailable. I am just too selfish to open my eyes and see you instead of insisting on looking in a mirror that shows nothing but my proud reflection. I never cared enough to make it work.

So you thought I was desperate and defeated? No my dear man think again! You thought you were my last option? No my dear man for girls like me never run out of options! You thought I lost all my battles and came to you with my tail between my legs and my head between my hands to lick my wounds and die in peace? No my dear man this is so far from the truth. You looked at my scars and knew that I have been hurt a lot but you did not look into my eyes and could not see the determination that I have got. I am no prisoner of war. I am not a wounded kitten. I am no desperate girl. I have not surrendered my weapons.

"I see people on TV saying that Egypt is fine, Egyptians are fine, family values are fine, our girls and boys are fine, our religion is strong, and our economy is getting better. Then I look at the emails in my inbox and I see what a big lie they are promoting. We are not fine! Everything is a mess - religion, relationships, sex, politics, everything."

Words to a man who is yet to come ... a man whose home belongs in my soul

Lawyer Nizar Ghorab (Ghorab translates to Crow in Arabic) filed a lawsuit calling for banning porn sites because they destroy the core values of the Egyptian society. The Administrative Court in Cairo ruled in his favor. Between anger and sarcasm, Egyptian bloggers react to the ruling.

According to the Theorem of Pythagoras If Prostitution = Sex for moneyIf Prostitution = Sex for foodIf Marriage = Legal sex for moneyIf Marriage = Legal sex for food therefore Marriage for sex = Legal ProstitutionMarriage for food = Legal ProstitutionMarriage for money = Legal ProstitutionMarriage = Prostitution Q.E.D. Disclaimer: This article is not targeted at those who get married because they want to share a life with a person they love, trust, and respect. I am not talking about the few who have shared goals and want to start a family together. I am talking about those who do not realize that there is life outside the bedroom - those who turned women into sex objects and men into sexual predators! Special thanks to Maikel Nabil for his contribution to this article.

I woke up today with tears in my eyes - tears that defied gravity and decided to linger there for a bit. My heart was sad and on the verge of despair. I closed my eyes again as I wanted to let go of life.

If I were to give you a month of my life ... what would you do with it? That was the question that I did not ask when I first laid my eyes on him ... and decided to date him! He was on probation and he never knew it. I gave him a month to enjoy me and he wasted it. He thought he had all the time in the world ... but I only gave him one month.

In 2008 Egypt passed a law that banned female circumcision (FGM). Today a group of bloggers started a campaign against male circumcision.

A RELATIONSHIP IS BAD FOR YOU WHEN ...

Since God knows when, I have been told over and over that human beings are God's most perfect creation; that we are His favorite creature, that we were created in the best form, that we were blessed with the power of logical thinking, and that we are accountable for our actions. I used to adamantly believe in the perfection of the human race until recently when I came to the conclusion that we are God's most flawed creatures ... we are like a software full of glitches ... a machine with a an outdated manual ... we are flawed!

If this is the case then you are an ideal magnet for guys on the rebound! Yep! Your four men were hurt, confused, unstable, and looking for a quick fix. You kindly waived your right to be a girlfriend and embraced the role of a therapist. Here is the difference:

Before reading any further I want you to know that I forgive you; actually I was never angry enough at you to hold a grudge ... not hurt enough to wish you ill or to send you bad thoughts. I do not hate you and I never did ... I do not think I ever could.

Though blessed with inner strength that enables them to deal with the shackles of their culture, some Arab women are dealt with as minors who will never reap the fruits of adulthood. Egyptian bloggers Fantasia's World, Dalia Ziada, Asser Yasser, Heba Najeeb are all women who have been featured on Global Voices for standing up for their rights, as have those blogging "sinster spinsters", who refuse to consider themselves outcasts.  Eman Hashim from Egypt and Eman Al Nafjan from Saudi Arabia are among the ranks of Arab women who stomp in protest at the notion that women are not able to think for themselves.

While bleeding on the wedding night is still the proof of the bride's honor in Egypt and Middle Eastern countries, Radio Netherlands broadcasted an Arabic translation of the Chinese advertisement of the Artificial Virginity Hymen kit. Youm7 newspaper announced that the product will be available on the Egyptian market for LE 83. Gigimo, a Chinese adult toy vendor, sells it for $30. As if Egyptian women were all waiting for the miracle hymen to embark on pre-marital sex, conservative parliament members want the product banned and any exporter exiled or beheaded.

A handful of publishers have monopolized the book market in Egypt until a fresher generation of young entrepreneurs introduced readers to new titles by authors who were rejected by the publishing tycoons. Bloggers books took the Cairo International Book Fair by storm last year but most of the books are no where to be found on bookshelves, Amr Khaled's Velo marked the beginning of a new era of unconventional literature but his book has been out of stock for more than a year, and Ahmed Naje's Rogers is an example of controversial fiction that should not go unnoticed - but it did until the Italian Il Sirente turned it into a musical and sold it on CD. Instead of changing the face of Egypt's cultural scene, many publishers cannibalized on aspiring authors.

Now I see you for who you really are ... I am awake. Today I understand what exhausted my brains yesterday. From the man of my life I have demoted you to a clown; I love watching you bend over backwards to make me feel like the nobody that you are and I am entertained by the fire you blow when envy is eating at your heart. I know exactly how to make you lose what's left of your mind; I will just sit in a corner and watch you pretend to be smart. I will look you in the eye and let you see your tiny reflection. I will smile when you thought I would cry. I will not let you hurt me for you have become my favorite clown.

Why do people care about what I think when it comes to their virginity - their very own virginity? Why do they care if I am for or against premarital sex? Why do they keep asking me about my beliefs? Why do they attack me personally when they disagree with my ideas? I am sick and tired of people telling us what to do. I am trying hard to avoid turning into one of those people who dictate what is right and what is wrong - and people follow. My mission in life is to get you to think. Yes! You! I neither want to take decisions on your behalf nor do I want you to blame me for the consequences of your actions. I do not want to be dragged along on your guilt trips. Stop asking me the wrong questions ... it is not about me or what I believe in ... it is about you and what you can handle. So here is my attempt at helping you decide which paths to take and which to avoid. If you need to email me your results in private for a personalized analysis, please email me.

I am sending you this email because I want you to discuss the parent-child relationship. I am sure that I am not the only one who is suffering because of a parent-related problem. I have a chronic problem with my mother. She is too dominating. She wants her orders obeyed without any form of discussion. I am the youngest among my three brothers and I am thirty years old. That means that I am an adult and that I could be fully responsible for my life. If I were married I would have been in charge of a home and kids of my own. She has no faith in me. My mother does not believe that I could take care of the slightest things that relate to me. In her eyes we are kids and she has to take full care of us. She cannot see that we are grownups.

Countless articles highlighted the importance of laughter and humor; how it prolongs your life, why it is a natural anti-aging solution, when it is the ideal way out of an embarrassing situation, where it is cute and adorable, what makes it the best camouflage for wrinkles, and the fact that it just makes you more likable and more socially acceptable. In presentation skills and public speaking workshops we guide the attendees on how and when to use humor, in customer care sessions we never get tired of stressing how the customer could see your smile on the phone, in motivational courses we tell people to start their day with a smile and urge them to turn dreary situation into joke material. But were you ever tempted to tell someone that they were not funny or that their jokes were off or that you just could not stand their wit?

I am glad I shared my first ethical will with you my dear readers. I will revisit it every few months and enhance it with more lessons, stories, and values. I am leaving my words to my niece and to all of you hoping that my words tell the stories that I cared not to lose. Writing those lines has helped me identify the things and the people that I value most, and what I stand for. I advise you to draft your very own ethical will - it will give you a sense of completion.

In September 2008, I was honoured to receive an invitation to contribute to a woman's empowerment initiative called Kolena Laila - We Are All Laila. It was the first time I had heard of this campaign. I got in touch with Lasto Adri* Blue, known as Eman, who is one of the leading organisers of the initiative. She explained to me that 2008 was Kolena Laila's third year and that Laila is the heroine of a novel entitled The Open Door (El Bab El Maftouh) by writer Latifa El Zayyat. Laila was chosen as a symbol for each and every Egyptian woman who is trying to mould her independent personality in an oppressive society.

I caught myself guilty of a series of rebound relationships and the worst part was that I had no idea that I was rebounding. Here I am emotionally drained and mentally consumed sharing with you my two cents on rebounds. I pulled out all my "rebound files" and put my analytical skills into action.

My dear MAN, I do not want to start a war between us. I am not calling for gender equality because I know that we are different. I understand that we have different roles in life - roles that complement one another! I want to have a place by your side. I wish we could work together on a better future for our sons and daughters. I hope they enjoy a healthier relationship and a stronger bond. Hand in hand - you and I - will create legends that will live an eternity to replace myths of the past that keep dragging us down. I am calling for a fresh start for both of us. I want you to help me put an end to our misery - yes my dear MAN we are both miserable! Please give me your hand. I need your voice. Remember my name. I am Laila!

This is just one example of the problems that I deal with almost on daily basis. I know that sex and any sex-related topics are very sensitive issues and I also know that there are people out there waiting for me to make a mistake and declare that I am pro pre-marital sex. Tough luck! I will not!

A friend of mine told me that he had had revelation - a moment of epiphany he called it - as he realised that he is addicted to falling in love: the excitement, the warmth, the high, the getting to explore a new partner, and the other feelings that come with meeting a new person. He also told me that after that initial phase has passed, he has withdrawal symptoms that involve taking his partner for granted. He no longer has butterflies in his stomach when she calls and he no longer wants to go out of his way to please or to impress her. He said that he will eventually get married to the girl he is seeing now, but he misses the beginnings. Listening to him talk made me realise that most couples, knowingly or unknowingly, fall into this trap and the longer they stay with their partners, the more they take them for granted. The next thing you know, they are both unhappy and they have both forgetten why they even got together in the first place. This piece is an attempt to remind each man and woman who is in a relationship of the things they take for granted and shouldn't.

1) Losing your virginity does not mean that you are a slut 2) Having sex with a man you love makes you human - nothing less and nothing more. 3) We live in a society that loves lies and is in love with liars ... you are better than them ... way better. 4) God is not a God of hatred and punishment ... God is loving and forgiving ... God does not look at your outside ... veil or no veil is not the question ... God looks at your inside and at your actions ... do not let anyone tell you otherwise. 5) The guilt you feel will not stay in Egypt when you go to the US ... it will come with you ... you gave it a home in your heart and it will only stay there as long as you let it. 6) Do not let one mistake control your life and decisions ... I want you to look ahead, think of the future ... be successful and happy. 7) The right man will never judge you and will never use this to hurt you ... the right man will understand and will love you for who you are and as you are. 8) This guy you like ... do you like him because you know him and you have talked before so you think he is right for you? Or do you like him because he is your last hope of getting out of Egypt? 9) Out of experience ... Egyptian men living in the states are the worst type of men ... they look open minded ... they sound cool ... but most of them still have a peasant inside of them ... they are even worse because when they left Egypt ... girls and guys did not have sex ... and now they just do not understand that the society has changed ... so this guy will have as much sex as he wants in the US and then come to Egypt to pick a virgin bride! 10) My last advice to you is ... be strong ... do not let the society defeat you ... do not let guilt and shame take over your life. Virginity or the lack of it does not make you anything but who you decide to make out of yourself. Decency, integrity, respect, and modesty are far deeper qualities than a piece of skin.

A fond farewell is due for I am leaving you. This time I know it is not about my temper or my flighty untamable nature. I know I was good; I was caring and loving. I fought my demons; but a real man you were not. Instead of the knight in shining armor, just another jockey I got. Here I am and there you are, miles and miles of feelings apart. I no longer dwell in your heart, and you no longer have a place in mine.

I want to scream without you telling me how loud. I want to laugh without you telling me how low. I want to run without you telling me how far. I want to sin without you telling me how wrong. I want to love without you telling me how deep. I want to fly without you telling me how high. I want to cry without you telling me how long. I want to be me without you telling me in what form.

Dear MAN ... my dear MAN ... I can list 100 things I love about you and another 100 things I miss about you. I can think of 100 things that remind me of you and another 100 things that I still have to give you. I will not tell you the 100 things that you did wrong but I will tell you the 100 things you did perfectly well. Do not give up on us because we have a long way to go. Do not let go of me because I will hold on to you. Do not ignore my letter because I will write you more letters.

I am just a woman in love and I really do not know why. For all the reasons I mentioned above do not do you any justice. I just love you ... and come what may. I am taking off my masks; Putting down my guns I am unarmed. I am just a girl. Our differences I want to set aside. Our similarities let's unite. Our past I shall erase With the present I shall replace. I need to love you.

I want to cheat on you. I want you to see me with another man. I want you to feel the loss I feel. I almost did. I wish I did. Let me spray your eyes with black pepper. I want you to cry. Let me sprinkle your food with chili pepper. Maybe you will choke on your screams. Let me throw you in an ant bet. I want you to get bitten. Let me lock you in a beehive ... do you even know how that feels? Let me light you on fire and watch you burn into ashes ... little ashes ... why don't you hunt me? Hold me? Draw me into you? I want to kill you!

Types of envious women and how to deal with them.

I have not been dumped in a while – not because I have been a good girl but rather because I have been avoiding exclusive relationships and commitment. People came and went but my emotional stability was intact. Until some vain streak took over and I thought that I was ready for giving my all to one person. Deluded me thought that I grew immune to being dumped - why would any man in his right mind dump a girl like me? Other than the looks and the brains, I do not nag, far from clingy, a good listener, supportive, understanding, and could be fun.

Why do I always see you defeated in my dreams? Why do you always come to me on mute? Why do you always move in slow motion? I am so angry at you for watching in silence as the world goes by.

Being the planned freak that I am, after I hung up, I started my little fish-bone diagram. I was looking for solutions and backup plans in case the you-know-what hit my fan. After a thorough examination of my options, I have come to the conclusion that I needed to have an affair. Wait! Don´t stop reading! Hear me out! I am not talking about any affair; I am talking about an affair with a man in power … yes … someone who will stop the vultures from finding my nest. I need a sort of immunity that would give me some breathing space … I am not even an activist of any sort. No? Not convinced?

Later on I found out that her husband had chronic depression and that her son was a drug addict. Over the course of the 5 years that I have known her, they were admitted to hospitals a zillion times and they relapsed all the time. I also found out that she worked double shifts; from 8 to 2 at my house and from 3 to 9 at another house – she cleaned homes 12 hours a day 7 days a week! Her eldest daughter was married to an electrician who "is a real man; he keeps her in order by a regular beating – yes, of course, he is a real man." She has two other girls who have great expectations – just like the Dicken´s heroes. They are studying but "a girl should get married. You too should get married anesa Marwa or you will not go to heaven – the Sheikhs said that women go to heaven only when their husbands are happy."

I was a 17 year old girl at the time of this tale and my mother and father were still married. It was school time; Thursday evenings were dedicated to my taekwondo sessions and Friday mornings were when I got to dress up, look cute, and try to make ends meet as a good adolescent girl trying to grow into a woman in a conservative Egyptian society. One sunny Friday I went to the club – this was the acceptable hangout for girls my age – and as I made my way through an alley that led to the entrance of the pool, I ran into Ahmed Hosni. Ahmed was a very decent fourth year medical student and we used to chat whenever we ran into one another in the club – of course mobile phones were not an option at the time and good girls did not give boys their numbers at home.

I do not know why I chose to share that particular incident with you; it is very personal, very embarrassing, and very disturbing. I am not sure how you will view me or what you will think of me now. Part of me wants to write a jolly piece on summer but a bigger part of me wants to write about my first encounter with sexual harassment. I am just a middle class Egyptian girl who, like many other girls, was taught to bury her head in the sand.

In his post "The Sex Files", blogger Wael Nawara presents a rather interesting perspective on sexual harassment in Egypt by drawing a comparison between Egyptian and Australian psychographics: The situation seems to be quite the opposite down under. The British survey on Australian workplace showed that men were too afraid to complain about harassment. Aussie law firm Holding Redlich's senior associate, Fiona Knowles, said bosses were more likely to tell a man he was lucky to be ogled and hassled. One Australian man got a $10,000 payout after a Victorian tribunal found his bosses had dry-humped him and grabbed his genitals. Two-thirds of the 2300 men questioned in the British study also said that sexual banter was inappropriate at work. A separate poll of 1600 employers found bosses wouldn't take a complaint of sexual harassment as seriously if it were from a male worker! David Price of Peninsula said the balance had shifted and women now aimed sexual banter at men. "Not everyone's happy with these type of jokes and the situation is a growing problem for employers," he said.

During my 20s, when I had returned to Cairo and wore the hijab, a way of dressing which again covers everything but the face and the hands, I was groped so many times that whenever I passed a group of men I´d place my bag between me and them. Headphones helped block out the disgusting things men — and even boys barely in their teens — hissed at me.

Two-thirds of Egyptian men harass women showed a survey reported by Reuters. The survey of more than 2,000 Egyptian men and women and 109 foreign women said

Like Asser Mattar, many Egyptians were happy to find out that Suez Canal canceled its annual celebration on September 14 to donate a total of one million Egyptian Pounds to support the victims of the Doweika tragedy. Scores of people were killed and injured when huge rocks fell on 35 homes in the slum in one of Cairo's poorest neighbourhoods.

The Female audience members let me down even more. ALL and I repeat ALL the women in the audience (whom I will add that judging from their appearance were in their early 20's) stated that their "DREAM" was to get married and sit at home. No one. I repeat NO ONE mentioned the desire for having a career. Success was nothing they referred to or thought of in any way. They were all college graduates who "chose" to throw away their degree forever!! A couple mentioned they would like to work until they meet the right man. So for them work was a way of "catching" a husband! When these girls were asked about their ambition, their comment was very similar to the young men; they all agreed that women have no ambition, that a woman's ambition should be to cook and clean and care for children. They agreed that a woman's career ambition is a "myth" that the western media tries to brainwash women into believing!!!

In the aftermath of the Egyptian Parliament going up in flames, people's reactions ranged from utter shock, sadness, to gloating. Blogger Wael Nawara conducted an independent poll asking bloggers, readers, and Egyptian internet users to answer the following question: Does the Egyptian Parliament truly represent the people?

This question has been circulating a lot in many unrelated circles nowadays. Statistics show that 75,000 Egyptian couples got divorced in 2006/2007.

The Egyptian blogosphere has turned into the new jihad field for Muslim, Coptic, and secular fundamentalists. Quranic Studies.com defines jihad as "Jihad is simply the process of "exerting the best efforts," involving some form of "struggle" and "resistance," to achieve a particular goal." It is no big secret that the number of Egyptians who believe that Egypt should become a secular nation are increasing. Mainly, intellectual bilingual well-educated people have realized that inter-faith strives are holding the country back.

From my book - The Poison Tree - planted & grown in Egypt

I was never interested in politics. I never cared for politicians. I was never bothered with Iraq, Palestine, Iran, or even Egypt. In my attempt to track my apathy I have reached down the abyss of my psyche and touched base with my father's preaching and teaching; first of all, I cannot recall one time when politics was discussed in our house - we have been through the assassination of Sadat, Mubarak's regime, Regan, Bush Senior, Clinton, Bush Junior, Iraq-Iran war, Palestinian cause, Iraq-Kuwait invasion, terrorism, Luxor massacre, all sorts of bombs, US-Iraq attacks, and many more local and international incidents but I cannot think of one comment or one discussion involving politics.

This is a book about love, marriage, divorce, sex, dating, virginity, adult dating, religion, shame, taboos, gender wars and fear that grew and blossomed on my poison tree.

This word "hisbah" has been popping up a lot in my face lately and it is usually associated with three things: 1) Saudi Arabia 2) The Muslim Brothers 3) An Egyptian intellectual, writer, artist, or thinker. Islam Q&A defines hisbah and men of hisbah as people who are dedicated, voluntarily or paid, to refuting and denouncing apparent immorality. They continue what the vice police leave unfinished. Among the public immoralities that they fight comes a long list that starts from men and women dating, to non- Muslims openly manifesting their beliefs and religious symbols, promiscuous images, movies, and books, or promoting anything that leads to adultery, homosexuality, and gambling.

Fantasia is a girl who dreams of a better future for Egyptian women. Writing about herself, she says: "I am proud to be a girl and I want to spread the word among all females. I believe in female superiority as opposed to all the false claims that have been laid through history to prove the oppo...

Back in March 2008, Eman Hashim wrote a post [Ar] questioning why do Muslim Egyptian women need a "wakeel" - a man who has to sign her off to her husband. Let me give you a bit more insight here: unlike western cultures where the father gives away the bride as a jest of his approval and blessing, in...

To: Yasmine Abdalla CEO & Managing Director OTV Dear Yasmine I have hesitated a lot before writing you this note but after a long thought process, and against the advice of all my good friends, I decided that I owe you this much. I also decided not to publish what I have to tell you in a...

I am not advocating vice or sin now, but look at it this way ... having a nude beach in Egypt is the optimum freedom ... if such a beach exists it would mean the following:

Brief summation of the incident that Marwa says brought her "shame and disgrace": She's one of a group of people in a show where Moez is the guest speaker. The wardrobe people give her an outfit to wear, which is unsuitable to wear in the presence of a religious figure. She's asked to change by a member of her own editorial team, who apparently wasn't very diplomatic. She gets upset. Seeing how upset she is, Moez takes her aside and apologizes even though neither of the two things that upset her were his fault, whether it was the religious standards being upheld or the insensitive way her team member dealt with it.

I met him for the very first time when I was shooting E7na show and I was pleasantly surprised with what I saw; Moez Masoud is a young handsome charismatic man who is blessed by sound logic and common sense. He is nonetheless knowledgeable and passionate about his message. Unlike many other religious figures, Moez is witty, funny, and speaks perfect English. Whether I agreed or disagreed with him, this brilliant role model is definitely worth admiration and respect. As a trainer from the corporate world, I would give him a ten out of ten in presentation skills, attitude, and talent. As a woman who was insulted and humiliated in front of the whole crew, I would take it all back.

As he was trying to save me from the brothel of a life that I am leading, he continuously assured me that he loved me and wanted to make me happy; that he pitied me yet fully sympathized with me; that all the men in my life despised me but he still respected me; that I belonged to him and that he sincerely cared for me; that I deserved to finally be with him after all the love and persistence that I showed in the past; that he loved me for who I was and that I was physically unattractive to him in all ways or forms; that had he seen me in the street he would have never noticed me and that I was too much of a tomboy to appeal to a real man like himself. Before we concluded the date, out of generosity and benevolence, he told me that I was not exceptionally successful, that I have wasted my life on absolutely nothing, and that he had no ulterior motives – he was not even physically attracted to me!

The idea of sharing is in itself frightening; who is to do what? Assigning roles and responsibilities and trying to fulfill them over a long period of time is like the prologue to a marriage. Is he responsible? Is she reliable? Is he stingy? Is she a control freak? Is he too organized? Is she beyond sloppy? There is no other way to find out. Living with someone is not just about the sexual part of the relationship; it brings out the mental and emotional dimensions to the foreground and the day to day dealings are the real test of the success or the failure of the relationship.

First of all, I have discovered that, in Egypt, workers, doormen, shopkeepers, and security guys will call you "madam" as the only sign they know of respect. Whether you are married or not, wearing a ring or not, it does not make a difference. I am not bothered by the title as much as I am intrigued by its connotations; I am "nothing" and a "nobody" if I am not "someone´s" wife! My studies and achievements in life and the workplace do not guarantee me respect and social status. Why couldn´t they call me "ostaza" or doctor or even miss? I was tempted many times to correct them that I am not "Mrs. Anyone" but I decided to spare myself their suspicious looks and inquisitive eyes or pity and sincere prayers that I found "the good man who would make me happy". I held my peace.

On my way up, and sitting there on the top, I forgot to look at the stars that I used to covet. I did not notice how many fell from the sky, how many ceased to shine, and how many grew into stagnation. Only when I turned 30 that I began noticing the changes. I was slowly and gradually falling out of love with the job. My passion and drive was fading along with my media relationships and power. It was a slow process that only reflected on the dim light that I, as a once shining star, was emitting. I began looking for the names that I once scanned the papers for, only to realize that they have been replaced by other names; names and faces that I never noticed before. Some of the familiar names were still there but they seemed weak and faint as though their power had given up on them.

Because of the nature of my work in the tourism sector, I am used to hearing that this or that country has issued a travel warning to its citizens who plan on traveling to Egypt, especially in the aftermath of an attack. Naturally, most warnings address safety and security issues, and some warnings ...

Like a sword the s-word cuts through our lives; starting and ending relationships; labeling and tagging people; torturing some and relieving others. I grew up watching our Egyptian cinema turning sex into a shameful repulsive act where the woman is defeated and the man is delighted. The message wa...

A few years back Shania Twain inspired me to sketch an analogy between men and shoes. At the time, I had settled for a very wrong pair of shoes; uncomfortable from the start, though highly maintained, they lost their allure as time passed, and I realized that I have invested a fortune of emotions i...

“Imagination was given to man to compensate him for what he is not; a sense of humor to console him for what he is.” - Sir Francis Bacon I woke up gasping for air after another nightmare and I knew that this would be another sleepless night. I reached out for his book as though I needed to...

Between the excitement of a new job and the weight of its big responsibilities, I found the time to meet up with my friend D one evening right after work. We were both run down but we were longing for the tête a tête girly chat. I seated myself in front of her, laid my exhausted body on the chair,...

Many a time have I written about relationships; our feminine mazes that confuse men and the masculine traps that capture our hearts. This is still by far the most difficult article I have ever written. I am about to advocate something that I have never believed in. Actually, I am on the verge of sta...

I resent him now just as much as I loved him then. I hate that feeling. It is bothering me. He is bothering me. It makes me feel weak, bitter, needy, and sick. I decided to let it out once and for all. I am looking now at his picture and I am forcing all the memories that I have blocked to come out;...

When did I become so class conscious? How did I grow into that obnoxious girl that categorizes people based on where they live, what they wear, and how they talk? Their dialects, education, and possessions determine their location on my social stratification model. I am not materialistic by any ...

I was watching Matthew McConaughey’s and Sarah Jessica Parker’s romantic comedy Failure to Launch, and I was highly entertained by the idea of working as an “interventionist”. I would kill to get that job! Come on … look at it my way … it will get me to date regularly and …. I will get paid for ...

“I met someone” she said in a voice that lacked the buzz of a new relationship. “But?” I asked knowing that there had to be a “but”. “He is eight years younger!” I understand why a woman my age, or older, could be attracted to someone who is younger, or much younger; yet, I failed to grasp ...

“I am in an open relationship!” He said like a proud Egyptian declaring his American passport. “How do you mean?” I asked like a poor Egyptian who has never seen a map! I was not playing dumb; I seriously did not know what to make out of his statement! Open relationship as in honest? No tabo...

In my Pocahontas nighty, with a whole bar of chocolate stuffed in my mouth and empty wrappers all around me, I watched Nicole Kidman’s and Will Ferrell’s Bewitched. I needed a distraction. I wanted to give my mind a break. It should have been a nice funny romantic chick flick movie but I found m...

“I met someone” she said in a voice that lacked the buzz of a new relationship. “But?” I asked knowing that there had to be a “but”. “He is eight years younger!” I understand why a woman my age, or older, could be attracted to someone who is younger, or much younger; yet, I failed to grasp ...

To: All the Narcist Jerks I know … and to those I do not know From: Marwa Rakha – on behalf of all women Subject: I do not love you … I do not even like you Date: Now and forever Dear Narcist Jerk Please do not take this letter personally; I neither mean insult nor injury. I am writing to...

If the producers of The Beauty and The Geek wanted to torture someone who thinks of herself as a beauty by having her date any of those plain geeks on the show, then I would have made an excellent candidate. I am quite certain that those girls do not care about the geeks; they are in it for the mo...

"The End justifies the Means” is quoted in our everyday life from Niccolo Machiavelli’s book, “The Prince”. So, if the end is getting a ring on your naked left hand finger, then any lie you throw in the way of prince charming is an acceptable means to a justifiable end. What does he want to hear? Th...

It was St. Valentine’s Day in 2000 when I first heard “Losing my Religion”. I was happily dancing to the beat until the lyrics hit me. My feet lost the rhythm and I came to a complete stop. How could anyone sing along, or dance to, such a song; “That’s me in the corner … That’s me in the spotlight …...

Every feeling has a color; anger is red, sadness is blue, and happiness is orange. Loneliness is colored in the shades of purple; purple reminds me of bruises; bruises, at first, are intense and painful but as they fade away by time, the deep purple blossoms into mysterious flowers of lavender, orch...

“Let me give you a little inside information about our society; our society likes to watch. It’s a prankster. Think about it. It plays on mans’ instincts. It gives you extraordinary gifts, and then what does it do? I swear for its own amusement, society sets the rules in opposition. Look but don't t...

You are The Empress Beauty, happiness, pleasure, success, luxury, dissipation. The Empress is associated with Venus, the feminine planet, so it represents, beauty, charm, pleasure, luxury, and delight. You may be good at home decorating, art or anything to do with making things beautiful. The E...

I was half deaf by the time I got home; I played the music so loud in the vain hope of silencing the voices in my head. I raced every car on the road hoping that my car would be faster than the thoughts racing through my mind. Today, I discovered a new dimension of the word "turmoil"; that word neve...

Was I bored? Maybe! Was it loneliness? Possibly! Was I hurting and in need of a quick fix? Maybe all of that and more! It was just one of those insane moments when one consciously decides to break a rule for the heck of it. I typed the address of the world's largest sex & swinger personals community...

Do people make the country? Or, does the country make the people? I - a very proud Egyptian - have seen a lot of the country and enough of the people and here are my thoughts:If the people do not have manners; the country is rude.If the people spit in the street; the country is disgusting.If the pe...

I have never faced such a writer’s block since I started writing. For the first time I feel empty – 100% empty. There is a huge void in the center of my body; I have no feelings, no passion, no ideas, no thoughts, no drive, and no life. I am a drained air-vacuumed sac of human bones! Last month was ...

I was lying on the white bed as my eyes moved back and forth between the monitor and his face. He was so quiet and tense and I could not understand anything from the images on the screen next to me; I have never seen the inside of my body before but from the look on his face, the doctor was not very...

Until Death Do Us Part (Shuffle) Another Stupid Adult “I love you; I know how to make you happy; I am so strong; I will make you faint on our wedding night!” He said with pride to his future bride – yours truly – 12 years ago. I cannot deny...

Being the daughter of an insectologist, I grew up playing with butterflies, examining mosquitoes, and studying the morphology of unheard of flies under the microscope. One day my father got me a silk worm - as a pet. With lots of love, I watched my worm transform into a cocoon and I waited for the c...

"A man's character is his fate." — Heraclites, Greek philosopher (c. 540-c. 475 B.C.) After her father was shot dead, Clarice Starling went to live on a farm with a foster family, from which she ran away in horror when she witnessed horses and lambs being slaughtered. Their screams haunted her,...

Hamlet!! I beg to differ! How limiting could that question be? How restraining could it ever get? Do we only have two possible answers to a question? Do we always have two things to choose from? Are our options so restricted? Are we so grounded? Have we gone color blind? When did our retinas stop se...

I wanted to put on a gown of rose petals and share with you pink dreams on scented paper; but instead of the sweet romantic piece I had in mind, I was driven by painful anger to defend women from the blows of Dr. Nick Neave. The evolutionary psychologist is convinced that women “are programmed to wo...

“ … maybe that whole love thing is just a grown-up version of Santa Claus; just a myth we've been fed since childhood. So, we keep buying magazines, joining clubs, and doing therapy and watching movies with hit pop songs played over love montages all in a pathetic attempt to explain why our love San...

“I broke up with her … she is not a virgin” with these words my best friend, Sparky, woke me up on a lovely sunny Friday. I got in my lazy weekend outfit and I drove to that sunny promenade downtown to meet him. My mind was still asleep, I was not sure of what I had to say to him and I did not know ...

I was getting worried; I had nothing to write about; I was happy and stable, and nothing upset me enough to get my pen rolling. I met him and I was no longer angry at men. I had nothing more to ask Santa; he finally found my perfect gift. I was flying somewhere between cloud nine and heaven. My mood...

In his bestseller, Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus Dr. John Gray tackled how men and women handle a problem; men solve their problems by going into their “cave” and women solve thier problems by talking. Dr. Gray made it crystal-clear that a woman should not follow her man into his “cave”; t...

As I drove to the office on a gray winter morning, My Immortal was playing on the radio and for a few minutes I was lost in my thoughts; I wondered what the word Evanescence meant. I took a mental note and decided to check it out when I go to work. The song went on and on; the lyrics and the soul-pe...

Before I start my story with “Mr. Big”, I would like to draw a simple, yet clear, profile of such a mind-blowing character…. “Mr. Big” … I am sure you’ve come across a “Mr. Big” at least once in your life. He walks in a room with his head stuck up; his big smile covers layers of confidence altern...

I love sunset tea in the terrace with my mom; I love the tea, the sunset, the mint in the tea, her cat playing with the teabag, but I hate the conversations she strikes! I was enjoying a great moment with myself watching a lovely bird flying in utter freedom across the horizon when my mom broke into...

Do you normally buy a whole pig when you only want one sausage? I read John Gray’s revolutionary Men are from Mars … Women are from Venus many years ago but for some reason I never tire of reading that book. Yesterday I started reading it again for the twentieth time and I dozed off after the i...

Clap Clap, boys set your gears … Clap Clap, girls on your heels, Clap Clap, boys hold your sneers … Clap Clap, girls hold your tears, Clap Clap, music to your ears … Clap Clap, no time for fears, Clap Clap, girls and boys are playing musical chairs … an easy game on the dating scene … just jump on a...

Avian flu gave us all quite a scare; we stopped eating chicken, set our colorful pet birds free, boycotted eggs and mayonnaise, and got ready for Doom’s Day. Then, like everything in life, it passed. We survived this one too – or so I thought until I saw them on the pool. Men! Our very own Egyptian ...

When I first watched Silence of the Lambs, I had a crush on Hannibal the cannibal. Years later, when Hannibal was released, I grew to envy Clarice for the love of Dr. Lecter; I wanted to be her. Before you decide that I am a crazy chick and turn the page, let me take you for a quick walk in my shoes...

“You are running out of time!” typed a long-lost recently-found schoolmate from childhood upon knowing that I was not married yet. I wanted to flaunt my long list of achievements but she kept ticking and toc-king. I told her I have a great career in public relations, she was not interested; I said I...

Wrapped up in her beautiful Indian Sari, Maya looked at the Kama Sutra teacher and asked about the difference between shame and honor as tears rolled down her cheek. The experienced courtesan looked back at her, smiled, and told her that shame and honor are the two faces of the same coin. With Maya’...

Your vision: To be perceived as a good girl at all times. Your mission: To bend over backwards to please others. Your positioning statement: The Ultimate Denying Experience (apologies to BMW) Your target audience: Vain ladies and gentlemen. Your objectives: Trial and, hopefully, purchase. ...

A few years ago I wrote a letter to Santa asking for my perfect man; I went into details describing his character, his career, his attitude, his manners, his looks, his star sign, his Chinese sign, his marital status, his hygiene standards, his beliefs, and his outlook on life. I had a long list of ...

Did you ever disagree with a political icon, but you chose silence for obvious reasons? Do you feel trapped in mazes of invisible laser beams that strike with every breath you take? Were you ever raging with pain and anger to the point of screaming out loud, then you held back because it was not soc...

published in The Poison Tree - planted & grown in Egypt