TWITTER, MYSPACE, FACEBOOK, YOUTUBE MERGE TO FORM "H.E.L.L."

Ultimate Social Network -- Are you ready for ´H.E.L.L.'?

Upscale New Site Will Cater To Dispossessed

"No Life? No Problem! Meet You In H.E.L.L.!"

( ) Disassociated Press

by B. Elwin Sherman -- TheCyberclap Journal

PALO ALTO, CA (DP) – If you´re one of the over 2.7 billion worldwide computer users now spending more than 50 percent of their waking hours communicating via online social networks, your ultimate cyber-host is coming this summer:

"Finally, here´s one place to have it all, when you sign-in to H.E.L.L.," says Facebook founder and CEO Mark Zuckerberg, who has reached a rumored 32-trillion dollar deal with YouTube, MySpace and Twitter that will merge the giant internet meeting places into one monstrous socio-cybernetic living room. "Now, the whole world can go straight to H.E.L.L. on one be-all, end-all website.

H.E.L.L. is Zuckerberg´s acronym for his new brainchild: "How Everything Lacks Life," and the idea came from a single e-mail he received from ManAlreadyDeadInside09, a devoted user of Facebook. "When I got this letter from him asking me ´What in Hell do I have to live for anymore?´ I knew he was absolutely right, and that I needed to give him H.E.L.L.," said Zuckerberg.

One of the radical new features available to select H.E.L.L. members will include "The Moodvie," a downloadable revolutionary video application made possible by Zuckerberg´s new "click n´ sniff" technology.

The Moodvie will allow users who already now spend more than half their lives reporting the most boring, insignificant human inanities imaginable, to immediately translate these mind-numbing happenings into sense-sensitive videos. This service will be restricted to H.E.L.L.'s Premier Premium Professional Advanced Privileged Deluxe Preferred Membership Upgrade Service Renewal subscribers.

"Take the case of ManAlreadyDeadInside09," says Zuckerberg. "Now, with a Moodvie, when he feels compelled to tell his 3,124 friends in H.E.L.L. that he's sad because his smelly dog just showed up that morning at the breakfast table with its fur matted from an unknown substance, they´ll be able to see AND breathe it in as it happens. Just imagine how they´ll benefit from this. And, his fresh H.E.L.L. just might save his life."

"It's H.E.L.L. on earth," says Zuckerberg behind a wry smile, "and it's about time."

In a related story, a YouTube user recently posted "Meat Jesus," a 45-minute video "shot entirely inside a meat sandwich" (see blog article photo insert). The owner claims that an image of the Messiah would be visible if only you could see anything.

Stay tuned.



For more on this and other spoof news stories, "classic" humor columns and B. Elwin's books, please visit B. Elwin Sherman's Humorist-On-Loan blog. Copyright 2009 B. Elwin Sherman. All rights reserved. Used here with permission.