Satan, are you real?

I am in a contemplative place. I have lit my candle and settled into my couch, journal at hand.

My mind wanders and I begin thinking of a recent conversation with a colleague about Satan, his word choice, not mine. As I am deciding what it is I actually think about Satan, I look over and see one candle holder blinking brightly with starry eyes and the one next to it, for the first time ever, is showing two, dark, glowering holes. I think to myself, there´s a sign if I ever saw one, perhaps I should pursue these tangential threads of thought.

I must admit I have trouble with the word "Satan." It conjures up old Saturday Night Live routines of the Church Lady saying, "Are you Satan?" in a high-pitched, guilt-producing, finger-pointing shriek.

"Satan" was not a word frequently used in my childhood. I can´t even type the word "Satan" correctly; it keeps coming out "Stan." "Are you Stan?" loses something in the translation.

Satan, or Stan as I now seem to call him, became synonymous with devil. When I think of the devil, my childhood image surfaces and I see a red-suited, horned devil complete with trident frolicking amidst flames from all that hellish fire and brimstone.

In my childhood, the devil was an abstract concept. I could well imagine my guardian angel walking with me, but the thought of keeping company with the devil was beyond my ken. The devil was more of a Halloween costume character.

As a child of the 50´s, I remember assorted cartoons when the protagonist had a choice to make. The choice was animated with a haloed angel on the right shoulder sweetly urging the person to do the right thing and a pitchfork-waving devil on the left shoulder nagging the person to go ahead, give into their baser instincts, and do the wrong thing. It was all very black or white, good or bad, clear and simple. I understood that model of the devil. I, too, often wanted the second candy bar.

As a side note, it is curious to note that the devil is always portrayed on the left side. Etymologically speaking, the word "left" is from the Latin root that forms words like sinister. In some countries, toilet hygiene requires that you wipe with the left hand. Metaphysically speaking, the left is associated with the feminine and intuitive, receptive side of things.

The angel always hovered brightly on the right shoulder and the right is filled with the merits of its moniker—all things proper, good, and correct. In the past, left-handed children were often forced to learn to write with their right hands. Right is attributed with logical, organized, and linear ways of thinking and doing; it´s also associated with the masculine, taking-action side of things.

The terms "Satan" and "the devil" are often used interchangeably. The term "devil" has become diluted over the years. We might affectionately call someone "you, little devil, you." I have never heard anyone called "Satan" save perhaps the occasional pit pull dog or all-black cat.

The truth be told: the word "Satan" makes me very uncomfortable. It makes me think of rigid fundamentalists, who see everything in the polarized world of good and evil. It feels like there is little room for context or discernment. You are either right or you are wrong; there is no equivocation. I want to squirm. Can´t individual moral truths be subjective? Can my wrong be your right? Can your wrong be my right?

No wonder I ´mistakenly´ type "Stan" instead of "Satan." "Stan" is friendlier word; it is familiar and carries little promise of danger.

The word "Satan" implies something serious and mysterious. Satan is associated with satanic cults, ritual abuse, bloody offerings, temptation, and evil deeds. When faced with temptation, there are those who say, "Satan, get thee behind me." Others attribute mental illness and psychopathology to the work of the devil.

British author, Phillip Pullman has written a remarkably complex, multi-dimensional dark materials trilogy for the young adult audience. Like the Harry Potter series, there is an ongoing battle between good and evil and, once again, the good-hearted children save the day over the self-interest of the power-hungry bad guys.

Be it films, books, television, or the front page of the newspaper, this good-and-evil theme is everywhere. There is always a struggle that becomes a conflict between the white-hatted good guys and the black-outfitted evil doers. Power seems to be the ultimate prize.

There is a theory circulating that the world is currently undergoing a very real battle between the angelic realms and Satan´s dark forces. At stake is the future of humanity and the planet.

I´m not sure I believe that there is an actual battle, but I do believe there is a huge effort for expanded consciousness and, therefore, expanded light to help humanity survive and overcome the darkness.

I know I believe in light; therefore, by default, I must accept the darkness. In accepting that darkness, then I must admit that Satan is no Stan and that Satan in all of its dark and evil connotation is real.

I have much to learn. I think this will be a helluva of trip.

copyright 2007 by Adele Ryan McDowell