ABC's Lessons of Love - By a Man whose Dying
Darren Meade
March 26, 2009
Lessons In Love - By A Man Whom Dying is the starting product of my yearlong journey of being on life support, told I would be on dialysis for the rest of my life, that I´d never again have use of my limbs, that I would be on a catheter for the rest of my life, and lastly that I am dying. Then the realization that none of what I´ve written matters, but one essential truth; "What love we've given, we'll have forever. What love we fail to give, will be lost for all eternity. "
If you realize that all things change, there is nothing you will try to hold onto. If you are not afraid of dying there is nothing you cannot achieve
Yesterday is gone, and there´s nothing you can do about it. It´s good, because it brought you to where you are right now. And in spite of what people have told you, this is a good place to be! But there´s nothing you can do about yesterday, it isn´t real anymore. And tomorrow? Tomorrow is a wonderful thing to dream about. It´s marvelous to dream about tomorrow, but it isn´t real. And if you spend your time dreaming about yesterday and tomorrow, you´re going to miss what´s happening to you and me right now. And that´s the real reality, to be in touch. Tomorrow is too nebulous.
Death isn´t a spooky thing. Death teaches us the value of time. We realize how precious it is. We realize we don´t have forever! Death teaches us to look and to see…that the people we love aren´t going to be the same all the time. We don´t look at each other anymore! We´re so busy doing things we don´t stop look at each other. You won´t be here forever.
The saddest phrase to me is hearing someone say, "I only wish I had ---". Well, you know you can! Is he sitting next to you now? Look at him. Is she sitting next to you now? Look at her, touch her hand. It isn´t going to feel the same, what are you afraid of?
"Oh God, to have reached the point of death," said Thoreau, "without ever having lived at all." Death teaches us this. Let me implore you, even if you have reached out in love before, do so again. When I was 18 years old, after being homeless for nearly three years, I reunited with my Dad. He was depressed and only a few days later he committed suicide in front of me, as I was a second to late from knocking the gun out of his hand. I promised myself then that I would always express love and appreciation for all those around me. Guess what, I forgot. I went to the opposite of love, apathy. That´s right; the opposite of love is not hate – its apathy. It´s not giving a damn.
After being confined to a hospital bed for a month, I cannot tell you the tears of joy which streamed down my face, when I had enough strength to get into a wheel chair, and they took me outside to a court yard. Where I beheld the beauty of the sky, the warmth of the sun, a gentle breeze kissed my cheek, I cried, as I realized love is – open arms. It´s freedom. Keep your arms open and people will come and go – as they will anyway. You have no control! "I refuse to allow you to die´ – what are you holding onto? Experience life; agonize, scream, cry. And then let it go. What is essential, I think, is to live life in wonder. All this magic around us, but we let it go by!
I give love because I love you, not because I expect you to love me back. If I give expecting something in return, I´m sure to be unhappy. When you say good morning to someone, it´s because you volitionally want to say it, not because you expect something back. If you expect something back and they don´t say it you´re bummed out, "I knew I shouldn´t have said good morning."
I go out sometimes – and really. We´ve reached this point – and say good morning and somebody turns to me and says, "Do I know you?" And I say, "No, but wouldn´t it be nice?" Sometimes they say no. That´s their privilege. But I did my thing. I said hello. They did their thing, saying hello or not. If we don´t expect, we have all things, says Buddha. Love because you will to love. Give because you will to give. Flowers bloom because they must, not because there are people fawning over them! You live and love because you will. Because you must.
Go into any library and gather up all the holy books and sit down and read them for the commonalities. How marvelous! There are so many commonalities! Jesus said, "If you want to find life you´ve got to look inside of you. Buddha said it. The Hebraic Holy Books say it. The Koran. The Gita, The Tibetan Book of the Dead, the Tao – they all remind you of this. Trips outside of you are worthless. If you want answers for you, the answer is inside, not outside.
To live in love is to live in life, and to live in life is to live in love. To me, life is God´s gift to you. The way you live your life is your gift to God. "God is Love "1 John 4:8, 16.
We change the world not by what we say or do but as a consequence of what we have become. Thus, every spiritual aspirant serves the world
If you realize that all things change, there is nothing you will try to hold onto. If you are not afraid of dying there is nothing you cannot achieve
Yesterday is gone, and there´s nothing you can do about it. It´s good, because it brought you to where you are right now. And in spite of what people have told you, this is a good place to be! But there´s nothing you can do about yesterday, it isn´t real anymore. And tomorrow? Tomorrow is a wonderful thing to dream about. It´s marvelous to dream about tomorrow, but it isn´t real. And if you spend your time dreaming about yesterday and tomorrow, you´re going to miss what´s happening to you and me right now. And that´s the real reality, to be in touch. Tomorrow is too nebulous.
Death isn´t a spooky thing. Death teaches us the value of time. We realize how precious it is. We realize we don´t have forever! Death teaches us to look and to see…that the people we love aren´t going to be the same all the time. We don´t look at each other anymore! We´re so busy doing things we don´t stop look at each other. You won´t be here forever.
The saddest phrase to me is hearing someone say, "I only wish I had ---". Well, you know you can! Is he sitting next to you now? Look at him. Is she sitting next to you now? Look at her, touch her hand. It isn´t going to feel the same, what are you afraid of?
"Oh God, to have reached the point of death," said Thoreau, "without ever having lived at all." Death teaches us this. Let me implore you, even if you have reached out in love before, do so again. When I was 18 years old, after being homeless for nearly three years, I reunited with my Dad. He was depressed and only a few days later he committed suicide in front of me, as I was a second to late from knocking the gun out of his hand. I promised myself then that I would always express love and appreciation for all those around me. Guess what, I forgot. I went to the opposite of love, apathy. That´s right; the opposite of love is not hate – its apathy. It´s not giving a damn.
After being confined to a hospital bed for a month, I cannot tell you the tears of joy which streamed down my face, when I had enough strength to get into a wheel chair, and they took me outside to a court yard. Where I beheld the beauty of the sky, the warmth of the sun, a gentle breeze kissed my cheek, I cried, as I realized love is – open arms. It´s freedom. Keep your arms open and people will come and go – as they will anyway. You have no control! "I refuse to allow you to die´ – what are you holding onto? Experience life; agonize, scream, cry. And then let it go. What is essential, I think, is to live life in wonder. All this magic around us, but we let it go by!
I give love because I love you, not because I expect you to love me back. If I give expecting something in return, I´m sure to be unhappy. When you say good morning to someone, it´s because you volitionally want to say it, not because you expect something back. If you expect something back and they don´t say it you´re bummed out, "I knew I shouldn´t have said good morning."
I go out sometimes – and really. We´ve reached this point – and say good morning and somebody turns to me and says, "Do I know you?" And I say, "No, but wouldn´t it be nice?" Sometimes they say no. That´s their privilege. But I did my thing. I said hello. They did their thing, saying hello or not. If we don´t expect, we have all things, says Buddha. Love because you will to love. Give because you will to give. Flowers bloom because they must, not because there are people fawning over them! You live and love because you will. Because you must.
Go into any library and gather up all the holy books and sit down and read them for the commonalities. How marvelous! There are so many commonalities! Jesus said, "If you want to find life you´ve got to look inside of you. Buddha said it. The Hebraic Holy Books say it. The Koran. The Gita, The Tibetan Book of the Dead, the Tao – they all remind you of this. Trips outside of you are worthless. If you want answers for you, the answer is inside, not outside.
To live in love is to live in life, and to live in life is to live in love. To me, life is God´s gift to you. The way you live your life is your gift to God. "God is Love "1 John 4:8, 16.
We change the world not by what we say or do but as a consequence of what we have become. Thus, every spiritual aspirant serves the world
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