BILKED BERNIE MADOFF INVESTORS NAMED AS CO-CONSPIRATORS

All Admit To Willful Stupidity And Greed As Cause Of Lost Fortunes

"We Were Stupid And Greedy"

Stupid Greed And Greedy Stupidity Blamed

( ) Disassociated Press

by B. Elwin Sherman -- Up Against The Wall Street Journal

NEW YORK, NY (DP) -- When it comes to the hard school of opportunity knocks, the lesson taught by Larsen E. Whipsnade -- the W.C. Field's character in the 1939 comedy "You Can't Cheat An Honest Man" -- is alive and well.

In the film scripted by W.C. Fields, carnival huckster Whipsnade levels the still all-too truism: "You can't cheat an honest man; never give a sucker an even break, or smarten up a chump."

Several victims of Bernie Madoff's long-running Ponzi scheme have now come forward to admit that they conspired to cheat themselves with the man who will be forever known as the greatest fraudster in history.

"We were stupid and greedy," said one investor who, like most of those now coming forward to speak, preferred not to be named. "We wanted something for nothing. We got the opposite. Screw us."

"Right now, if we're looking for justice and sympathy, there's always the dictionary," said another hapless Madoff victim.

In his own statement read to the Court just before he was sent off to a New York prison cell where he now awaits sentencing, Bernie Madoff said it all:

" ... I had received investment commitments from certain institutional clients and understood that those clients, like all professional investors, expected to see their investments out-perform the market."

"Too much, too late," quips one of the fallen.

"Add this to the pivotal seduction of any Ponzi scheme, which is to promise 'unusually high returns,'" said another big Madoff loser, "and you've got it: greedy stupid people who wanted too much bang for the buck. Well ... Bernie got the buck, and we got banged."

The brutal assignation is now the consensus amongst Bernie's Bilk-ees, and is worthy of a Whipsnade parting shot:

"He couldn't have done it without us."

Stay tuned.

For more on this and other spoof news stories from B. Elwin Sherman's Humorist-On-Loan's "Disassociated Press," please visit his blog! Copyright 2009 B. Elwin Sherman. All rights reserved. Used here with permission.