You're Not Old Enough to be That Sick - Chronic Illness and the Young Adilt

At the age of twenty-four, a thousand miles away from my family, living in a new city, I was diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis. Over a period of four weeks and about eight doctor's visits, I finally found a physician who listened to me explain my symptoms and in less than two days I had a diagnosis.

As with many people, having specific terms like "chronic" and "forever" attached to a painful condition can simultaneously create emotions of fear and relief. At least something describes the chronic pain. There were not many friends, however, that understood or participated in my enthusiasm for a diagnosis. And the office managers at my place of work were not concerned about my pain level, but rather about when I would be able to get back into some heels to keep the office looking professional.

They quickly threw comments about such as "You're too young to feel this bad!" Most people were confused about the difference between rheumatoid arthritis and typical degenerative arthritis that our grandparents may suffer from. They ignorantly said things like, "There is no way that you can have arthritis yet." Those that did try to offer sympathy compared my fatigued and pain to their sports injuries. "Yeah, I have some arthritis in my knee from football. You just have to keep pushing through the pain." It wasn't unusual to see their comments accompanied by the wave of their hand or their rolling eyes.

When you are faced with a chronic illness in your twenties, all of the typical decisions you should be making are quickly put on hold. Up until now, you were considering what kind of education to pursue, your career aspirations, relationships, and even where you will live. All these are put aside, however, as you are forced to make immediate decisions that impact the rest of your life. Things like how well you accept (or do not) accept the diagnosis of your condition, which medications to try, when side effects are worth the risk and when they are not, and how to find the right physician. While friends are deciding which party to go to we're at home trying to make sense out of our latest lab test results, weighing our options for alternative treatments, and deciding to have a good cry or just go to bed and hold back the tears one more night.

I tried to make each decision based on thorough research, a bit of instinct, and "worse case scenario" situations. So when I heard someone facetiously say, "You're too young to have that illness" it felt like a slap in the face; as if they assumed I was too gullible to fight the doctor's diagnosis and get "right one" that could be cured with a simple pill. I had to be incorrectly diagnosed, they assumed, because, after all, I "looked so good."

Laurie Edwards, author of 'Life Disrupted: Getting Real About Chronic Illness in Your Twenties and Thirties,' says, "However infuriating and irrational such comments are, they only have the power to define or validate our conditions if we allow that to happen. There are all sorts of reasons why people find it easy to scorn or deny illness, especially in younger people who 'should' look and act healthy."

The onslaught of advertisements for prescription medications have somewhat educated the general public that illnesses such as rheumatoid arthritis and fibromyalgia are legitimate illnesses. The downside, however, is that everyone considers his self an expert, and they often make their assumptions based on the visuals of those same commercials: people with debilitating illnesses miraculously playing tennis or running down the beach. While some people may find remission due to the medications, most of us are just glad to be able to get out of bed, dress ourselves, and drive a car. The commercials fail to educate that despite an illness being controlled, they are still accompanied by tremendous daily pain.

With any chronic condition or illness, nearly 1 in 2 which are invisible, there will be people who will always be skeptical that about the amount of impact your illness has on your life. When you are in your twenties or thirties, it's even more difficult for them to wrap their brain around the fact that you feeling better requires a great deal more than a positive attitude of a bit of exercise.