Chains Of Christianity

For almost twenty years I threaded the eye of righteousness. Yes, I thought that all things happening to me were a result of god?s mood. I was a Mormon. I paid my tithing, my fasting donations, my building donations, and my missionary donations. I attended every function possible and held almost every position possible to hold for a poor member. Sometimes I worked three jobs in order to make all my contributions to the LDS Corporation. My marriage was sanctified in the Mormon Temple in 1967 and fell violently apart seventeen years later. Why did that happen? Not sure.

After my departure from the Mormon Church I drifted from belief system to belief system. For a time I thought I would try Catholicism, more bureaucracy. Because I had been divorced, the Catholic hierarchy required a letter from my ex-wives (I was married twice before) telling the church their version of our divorces. Now that is a real sensible request. Let?s open the wound of your previous marriages and find out what kind of a butthead your previous wives think you are. We know they will be objective about the whole freaking mess.

I drifted then into Lutheranism, nice people, but my wife and I lost interest. She is a Catholic at heart and that is an awareness that does not die easily, if it should die at all. After that experience, I decided I could worship god from the comfort of my own home. I decided to become a deist, leaving the idea of a Jesus totally out of my scheme of religion. Something was wrong with that idea. The idea of a god had plagued me since I was a very young man. I never could comprehend the idea that one existed. There was no proof, no concrete evidence.

I believed that a young man by the name of Jesus probably existed. I still believe that such a person existed, but I do not believe he held such a larger-than-life station in life. I believe that he was a powerful speaker and was quite charismatic, much like Joseph Smith and his early leadership of the Mormons. Joseph Smith and his brother, Hyrum, martyred themselves trying to escape from an Illinois jail. Jesus Christ martyred himself by being crucified for standing up against Pontius Pilate. There is little difference between the two young men; even their ages were similar. The difference? Joseph Smith was married and Jesus??

I decided to take the easy route in belief, agnosticism. It was darn easy to tell everyone that I wasn?t sure if a god existed. It?s the middle road, a road for the frail of heart. That belief system lasted at least a year until I realized that it really was a fa?e camouflaged with mediocrity.

A year or so ago I came out of the Atheist closet. I can?t describe the relief and the strength I feel now that I have looked myself in the face. I feel no harness, no backpack filled with guilt. After fifty-eight years the chains of responsibility to a mythical character more powerful than a speeding bullet have been freed from my heart. I look life in the eyes and say, ?I am responsible for my actions and no one else.? I am the captain of my ship and when my ship finally sinks it will be me at the helm and no one else. I am empowered and in the words of Corliss Lamont (father of human secularism), ?The knowledge that immortality is an illusion?liberates all of our energy and time for the realization and extension of the happy potentialities of this good earth.?

At last I have broken the chains of Christianity.