A winning income tax strategy

I finished my taxes yesterday. It was pretty easy this year, due to my new tax strategy.

See, in the past, I´ve always been a straight arrow, claiming only what I could document, paying everything I owed. But I discovered that I was being, as Chicago Tribune columnist John Kass says, a chumbolone.

Now I have seen the light. The middleclass, working, Republican centrist approach to taxes is for, well, chumbolones. So this year, I decided that following the example of those working-class heroes Tim Gaither, Charlie Rangel, Tom Daschle and Nancy Killefer was the way to fame and fortune.

Yes, I forgot to pay taxes on my many vacation homes, on my compensation as a consultant from international organizations, on the car and driver provided me out of "friendship" as "gifts" from big political donors I´ve supported, or taxes on the many nannies and domestics who staff my mansions. I've learned that being for the poor and powerless clearly pays off better than working for a living and paying taxes.

I put a note to the IRS in my return, saying that while they might not agree with my decisions, I´d remind them that this type of thing is just a "hiccup," according to Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid. Who are they to argue with a fine lawyer like Harry or the many lawyers on his team who now run the Congress?

Now all I have to do is wait for a job offer from President Obama, and I´m off to Washington to fight for the little guy. If it turns out as lucrative as these other folks´ careers, a couple of my nannies may even be able to give up their day jobs at Hooters.

Taxes? They´re for the chumbolones!