The Fanboy Pestilence: Last Gasp of a Dying Entertainment Industry
Andrew T. Durham
December 12, 2008
"I'm sick and tired of hearing things from uptight, short-sighted, narrow-minded hypocrites..." - John Lennon
The latest travesty to infect the entertainment industry is the "fanboy" phenomenon. To those unfamiliar with the term, "fanboy" refers to geeks who are movie fans who, in this case, have their own websites and pretend to be legitimate critics. These are primarily sci-fi or torture porn fans. I´ll get into the torture porn stuff in a minute.
While the First Amendment is sacred to most of us (at least until January 20), there are certain aspects of the fanboy MO that drag down legitimate discussion of the industry and what creativity is left in it. Take for the worst offender: Ain´t It Cool News.com, an Internet torture porn fanboy site. Now, at this point, it is important to understand torture porn. This term refers to the dearth of slasher films and horror movies depicting people – mostly young, pretty people – being killed or mutilated. While people that purport to "write" for this site use the disguise of being fascinated by the execution (no pun intended) of the effects and the "quality" of the tension and shock quotient, the truth is people like this are sexually aroused by the depiction of gruesome death and mutilation. It is exactly the same thing as those who watch snuff films, which are actual films of people being killed or tortured. I am convinced there is absolutely no difference between someone watching porn and this crap. These people watch these worthless slasher movies because it gives them an erection. This is the ultimate in sickness, any way you look at it. Period. In fact, currently, a site called CHUD.com is featuring a series of "the best" scenes from movies depicting children being killed.
And we are supposed to believe these are sane people with something of value to say.
Getting back to the criticism AICN pretends to portray, these folks seem to think that dropping the F-bomb every other word is legitimate journalism. It isn´t. All it presents is adolescent ranting. These vacuous diatribes contain a microbe of intelligence, to be sure, but no wisdom. No class. Just childish, profane and blatantly useless ego trips by candy – addicted, overweight pseudo-intellectuals who are nothing more than the flesh bag versions of the Comic Book Guy from the Simpsons.
Similarly, a site called Slashfilm.com (slash film, get it?) is populated with rank amateurs who can´t use spell check to save their lives. These kiddies seem to think they are part of the "industry" by using terms like "franchise", "source material" and saying "on set" as opposed to "on the set". The truth is, they are nothing more than free advertising for those in the actual film industry. The denizens of this site are typical of amateurs in that they revel in taking, for instance, potshots at George Lucas because it is considered "in fashion", when they don´t realize that they will never achieve anything but a 44 waistline in their lives. More kiddie comic book movie crap. Worthless, vacant pseudo-criticism.
Always remember this mantra that describes fanboys: Intelligence without wisdom; creativity without depth; intensity without emotion; contribution without value; conviction without passion.
There used to be a time in our history when people earned their ability to be heard. Now that this ideal is available on a moment´s notice to anyone, anarchy has become the preferred paradigm. And while there are a lot of valuable sites that have sprung up over the years, generated by people of genuine conviction and vision, the above are not among them. It is one thing to respect those presenting a thoughtful, in-depth point of view. There is no respect, however, for those who merely pretend to do so simply because they exist.
A point of view is one thing. A point of no return is quite another.
Fanboy sites are no more than the National Enquirer of the Web…or worse. The infuriating part of it, though, is the arrogance and smugness that goes along with anyone who does something simply because theycan. You never give a four year old a revolver. Similarly, you never give the unformed a podium.
A friend of mine said to me recently, "Why not just let them be. Nothing you can do about it." That may be true, but the joy of potentially offending fragile egos is irresistible.
Not all points of view have value. "Just because" is not a reason.
These pointless, arrogant fanboy sites remind me of the old story of the man who was arrested for breaking into a home and killing an entire family. When asked why he killed the whole family, he replied, "Because they was home."
Just because you have the ability to create a forum for your fetal opinions doesn´t mean you should. But what it does do is provide a vivid portrayal of what is deeply wrong with the entertainment industry and those who spend too much time orbiting it.
Like anything, if you don´t know what you´re talking about, keep your mouth shut. If you think you´re smarter than you are, you aren´t. And if you can´t achieve something without at least an element of wisdom, go away and stay away until you can.
As the stereotypical policeman says at an accident scene: "Nothing to see here. Nothing to see here."
The latest travesty to infect the entertainment industry is the "fanboy" phenomenon. To those unfamiliar with the term, "fanboy" refers to geeks who are movie fans who, in this case, have their own websites and pretend to be legitimate critics. These are primarily sci-fi or torture porn fans. I´ll get into the torture porn stuff in a minute.
While the First Amendment is sacred to most of us (at least until January 20), there are certain aspects of the fanboy MO that drag down legitimate discussion of the industry and what creativity is left in it. Take for the worst offender: Ain´t It Cool News.com, an Internet torture porn fanboy site. Now, at this point, it is important to understand torture porn. This term refers to the dearth of slasher films and horror movies depicting people – mostly young, pretty people – being killed or mutilated. While people that purport to "write" for this site use the disguise of being fascinated by the execution (no pun intended) of the effects and the "quality" of the tension and shock quotient, the truth is people like this are sexually aroused by the depiction of gruesome death and mutilation. It is exactly the same thing as those who watch snuff films, which are actual films of people being killed or tortured. I am convinced there is absolutely no difference between someone watching porn and this crap. These people watch these worthless slasher movies because it gives them an erection. This is the ultimate in sickness, any way you look at it. Period. In fact, currently, a site called CHUD.com is featuring a series of "the best" scenes from movies depicting children being killed.
And we are supposed to believe these are sane people with something of value to say.
Getting back to the criticism AICN pretends to portray, these folks seem to think that dropping the F-bomb every other word is legitimate journalism. It isn´t. All it presents is adolescent ranting. These vacuous diatribes contain a microbe of intelligence, to be sure, but no wisdom. No class. Just childish, profane and blatantly useless ego trips by candy – addicted, overweight pseudo-intellectuals who are nothing more than the flesh bag versions of the Comic Book Guy from the Simpsons.
Similarly, a site called Slashfilm.com (slash film, get it?) is populated with rank amateurs who can´t use spell check to save their lives. These kiddies seem to think they are part of the "industry" by using terms like "franchise", "source material" and saying "on set" as opposed to "on the set". The truth is, they are nothing more than free advertising for those in the actual film industry. The denizens of this site are typical of amateurs in that they revel in taking, for instance, potshots at George Lucas because it is considered "in fashion", when they don´t realize that they will never achieve anything but a 44 waistline in their lives. More kiddie comic book movie crap. Worthless, vacant pseudo-criticism.
Always remember this mantra that describes fanboys: Intelligence without wisdom; creativity without depth; intensity without emotion; contribution without value; conviction without passion.
There used to be a time in our history when people earned their ability to be heard. Now that this ideal is available on a moment´s notice to anyone, anarchy has become the preferred paradigm. And while there are a lot of valuable sites that have sprung up over the years, generated by people of genuine conviction and vision, the above are not among them. It is one thing to respect those presenting a thoughtful, in-depth point of view. There is no respect, however, for those who merely pretend to do so simply because they exist.
A point of view is one thing. A point of no return is quite another.
Fanboy sites are no more than the National Enquirer of the Web…or worse. The infuriating part of it, though, is the arrogance and smugness that goes along with anyone who does something simply because theycan. You never give a four year old a revolver. Similarly, you never give the unformed a podium.
A friend of mine said to me recently, "Why not just let them be. Nothing you can do about it." That may be true, but the joy of potentially offending fragile egos is irresistible.
Not all points of view have value. "Just because" is not a reason.
These pointless, arrogant fanboy sites remind me of the old story of the man who was arrested for breaking into a home and killing an entire family. When asked why he killed the whole family, he replied, "Because they was home."
Just because you have the ability to create a forum for your fetal opinions doesn´t mean you should. But what it does do is provide a vivid portrayal of what is deeply wrong with the entertainment industry and those who spend too much time orbiting it.
Like anything, if you don´t know what you´re talking about, keep your mouth shut. If you think you´re smarter than you are, you aren´t. And if you can´t achieve something without at least an element of wisdom, go away and stay away until you can.
As the stereotypical policeman says at an accident scene: "Nothing to see here. Nothing to see here."
Print
Email
