Funeral Celebrant Dave Page: 'She was buried in her red ruby slippers'

Los Angeles Funeral Celebrant Dave Page has been a pastor for more than 20 years. But, eight years ago his life changed forever with the death of his five-year-old daughter.

"Our youngest daughter, Jackie, was diagnosed with a brain stem tumor. It was a fast growing tumor that the neurologist said probably wasn't even in her body three months earlier. He said he couldn't do a biopsy on the tumor because of its location in the brain stem and that Jackie would die within the next two to three months," Page said. "She died peacefully in our home in our arms six weeks later on March 4, 2000."

Page admits that words cannot express the pain and sorrow of losing Jackie as he and his wife faced anger, doubt, depression, sadness and grief.

As difficult as that time was, Page remembered, "Her funeral was amazing. Our family, friends, and staff at the church I pastored all worked together to create a personalized funeral service that celebrated and honored Jackie's short life. She was only 5 years, 2 months and 24 days old when she died. I'd never been to a personalized funeral service, but having planned many creative worship services and weddings before, my staff really knew what they were doing. Some of the women made a rainbow balloon arch over the casket, which was on the stage. Jackie's favorite movie was the 'Wizard of Oz' so it was a beautiful contrast with the rainbow over her white little casket. The service began with a video tribute set and a live solo of 'I Believe I Can Fly.' This was followed by some contemporary worship songs, a friend of mine reading the clergy record, a prayer by an associate, and a song by contemporary Christian recording artist Bryan Duncan who flew up from Southern California to sing at the funeral. Next we had some hope-filled Scripture reading, a eulogy by me, and a recording of Jackie and one of her Sunday School teachers singing together."

During an open forum, where anywhere was welcome to speak into the microphone, something special happened.

"An 8-year-old friend shared how much Jackie meant to her and how much she would miss her. It was touching," Page said. "We had a couple more songs and a closing prayer by Kay Warren, wife of Pastor Rick Warren. Up front they had a large photo of Jackie that was 3' x 4'. Jackie looked a lot like Shirley Temple, but even more beautiful. What many didn't realize is that Jackie had always wanted red ruby slippers like Dorothy on the 'Wizard of Oz.' So, we made sure she was buried in her ruby red slippers. She had a beautiful dress my wife picked out along with her ruby red slippers at the viewing. She looked like she was sleeping – just like a cherub. At the memorial service it was a closed casket. She was buried in the New Auburn Cemetery in Auburn, California."

Page and his family felt comforted as more than 1,000 people turned out for Jackie's funeral service.

"The love and support were overwhelming. I will never forget that day as long as I live. They ended up having a impromptu reception line for me and my wife after the service was over and people came up to us and hugged us or kissed us for a long time. People were unbelievably kind to us and compassionate. Until I lost my daughter, I never knew how important it was to have a personalized funeral that reflects your loved one's life," Page explained. "My daughter was so full of life and joy. She was the life of the party type of girl. She ran everywhere she went. I wanted everybody to know what a special little girl she really was and that her life was not in vain – it was significant. Although her death was a tragedy, there was a purpose in it. The planning of her funeral service was a real group effort. I didn´t know if I could even do the eulogy for my own daughter but God gave me strength. The service turned out just beautiful. It really was the beginning of our healing. We were able to laugh and cry and feel the pain and feel the joy at her service with family and friends. I now view funerals as one of the most significant events in a person's lifetime."

Even though Jackie was only five, Page says she lived a storybook life. While it's hard for Page to put into words how special she was, their little girl brought joy to the family every day.

"You never really recover from a loss like that. Life is never the same again. It's different, but life can be good again. I don't understand why my daughter had to die. I know there is a purpose in it somewhere. I also know that God is a mystery and I am learning to celebrate the mystery. The Old Testament writer Job after losing his children said, 'The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord.' (Job 1:21). Job's faith led him to trust that God was in control even when it didn't make sense."

Many healing things happened after Jackie's death. "The funeral service was healing. Talking with, laughing with and crying with family and friends. Joining a grief support recovery group. Going to Hawaii with my wife for a week a few weeks after her death also helped. Talking with and getting to know Jerry Sittser, author of the book, 'A Grace Disguised.' Grief is universal. It is probably the biggest felt need that everybody deals with at some point in their life regardless of whether they are religious or not."

In 2006, Page took Celebrant training through the In-Sight Institute in Las Vegas joining 1,200 Certified Funeral Celebrants in the United States and Canada. Celebrants help grieving families plan a personal funeral service that reflects a loved one's personality and life story.

"Celebrant training taught me to listen, to listen to the family. One of the most important parts of the funeral is what happens a few days before the funeral – the Family Time - where the Celebrant sits down and listens to the family tell about the deceased. This forms the nucleus of the personalized service. A bonding occurs, and healing begins. I also learned how significant every life is. Everybody has a story and each story needs to be told. I think pastors could learn a lot about how to create an environment for healing through doing a funeral service. They would learn to personalize it to reflect the deceased's life without bringing their own bias into it," Page offered. "I have a Master of Divinity degree from a top seminary and I can assure you that they don't teach you this stuff in seminary. Many people attend funerals that don't attend any church. The funeral service is a time for the minister to connect not only with the family of the deceased but also with those from the community as well. The funeral service can be the first point of contact for unchurched people and a bridge to helping reach them."

While Page says there is some training offered in seminary on funerals, it's old school.

"It's about preaching a message and singing special hymns. Some even encourage the use of an altar call at a funeral. I personally think that is not being sensitive and can even be manipulative. People are hurting, we need to be part of the healing not add to the pain," Page explained. "Seminaries don't train people in how to conduct personalized funerals. I wish they did … I hope to be part of a movement that brings training for personalized funeral services to seminaries. This training would include how to conduct personalized funeral services for people from all faiths and cultures, and for people who have no faith."

Since becoming a Celebrant, Page has been busy helping families. He has conducted many meaningful services and he remembers each farewell.

"One happened just a few months after I became certified as a Celebrant. I did a funeral for an eight-year-old boy who had died. His name was Adam. He was a beautiful child and his parents were in shock as you can imagine. I met with the parents and other family members and we planned out a unique and meaningful service for Adam complete with professional musicians from the L.A. Philharmonic and Hollywood Bowl Orchestra, as Adam's mom was a top violinist. The parents appreciated very much that I could relate somewhat to what they were going through since we also had lost a child. We stayed in touch after the service and I recommend Sittser's book to the family," Page said. "Another service involved a man named Richard, who worked for the movie industry and died while hang gliding at 51-years-old. He designed sets for a living and helped design sets for the 'Pirates of the Caribbean.' The family time was special as we sat outside the family home in a circle on a nice summer evening, eating and talking about the Richard. People laughed and cried and we continued on for two hours. Nobody noticed, as time just seemed to fly by. At the memorial service, they didn't open the doors to the church until 5:07 pm (like the theater) and as people entered, there was smoke coming up from the ground down the aisles due to some dry ice. The song, 'Yo-ho Yo-ho A Pirates Life for Me' was playing as people walked in. Actors acted, singers sang, we viewed a video tribute and I took people down a journey of Richard's life."

Page is moved by the stories he hears and the families he meets as a Celebrant.

"People have been so appreciative. They say things like, 'That is exactly how he/she would have wanted it.' 'That was perfect!' 'Thank you for designing a service just for us.' My role is to come along side and bring comfort and love but not to force any agenda on them. I am there to serve them and help them plan a personal service, which honors their loved one. My guidelines are that I will not do anything illegal, immoral or unethical. Other than that I'm pretty wide open," Page noted.

Clear on his vision, Page is hopeful for the future of funeral service.

"Personalization. Care. Compassion. It's my hope that every person can die with dignity and then have a fantastic personalized funeral that reflects their unique life." Page added, "Every time I do a funeral I think of Jackie. Her legacy gives me strength and hope. She inspires me and motivates me inside and reminds me of the importance of honoring our loved ones who die."

Beyond his work as a Celebrant, Page is currently the Director of Church Planting (Church Starting) for the Evangelical Free Church of America (EFCA) West District, which includes California, Arizona, and New Mexico. In his position, he helps recruit, train and coach leaders who start new churches in the district. To read his blogspot visit http://davepageblog.blogspot.com.

Pictured: "Jackie" Jacqueline Brooke Page

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