Planning a Womens Retreat so Those with Chronic Illness Can Come

We often assume that the chronically ill are in the minority, however, you may be surprised to know that nearly 1 in 2 people in the USA have a chronic illness and about 96% of it is invisible. Are these women attending church retreats? Too many of them are suffering silently. They are depressed, isolated, and sometimes questioning if God really cares. Others, you will find, are some of the wisest, joyful, and spiritually mature women you will ever meet. They will touch your retreat attendees in ways that even the planned speaker will not. But are any of them coming?

Rest Ministries, which is the largest Christian organization that serves the chronically ill, recently did a survey about attending retreats while living with a chronic illness. Out of the 20 respondents, 17 reported that they participated less in retreats since their diagnosis. When asked why the responses were:

Three said, "Accessibility issues (I know I can't easily get to and from different buildings at the retreat)"; 6 people reported, "The pain factor. It's just too draining"; 4 responded, "The unpredictable health issues"; and 10 said, "A combination of the above."

So, how could you encourage these women to get involved again in your church retreat?

1. When planning the retreat ask a lot of questions about the retreat center and promote that you have this information before people register

How steep are the hills? Are ride-in carts available? How far are the rooms from the main meeting center? Is electricity in the rooms? Are there only bunk beds? Can someone have a private room? Are there chairs besides the metal folding chairs? Elevators? One woman shares, "I stopped going a year or so ago because the retreat planner does not tell you what is expected, or about walking, stairs, etc. They need to be more honest." Those who attend retreats look for locations that are held at retreat center without a lot of walking, and preferably flat ground. Hotels or a large home are nice too. While you may think fifty yards is a "short distance," fifty steps may be one's limit. Provide actual distances on your flyer, not just "rooms are a short walking distance."

2. Realize that women with illness have a great desire to go on retreats and get to know others, but they also will be on their own schedule at times. Don't take it personally.

Margaret, who lives with a malignant brain tumor and uterine cancer says, "I don't attend because people don't want to understand or accept that sometimes I have to retreat from the 'retreat.' I may have to go to my room to get some rest. Others decide that I'm escaping from my problems, and they demand that I participate in whatever is happening. I'm not wishing to be anti-social and I will participate when God enables me to do so. But when God tells me to rest, I must rest, despite what the [retreat] 'timetable' states." A schedule of the retreat's events a week before can be extremely helpful, even if it's just posted on your church's web site.

3. While you are deciding events such as ice-breakers or fun games, make sure there is something that those with physical limitations can participate in if they choose

If they don't want to participate in the relay race of dressing in costumes, let them do their own thing. Debbie, who lives with chronic fatigue syndrome says, "Unfortunately, I've yet to find a retreat planner who understands that I do not participate--not because I'm being uncooperative, shy or anti-social--but because I simply cannot physically do so; the result is that I don't attend church retreats."

4. Don't gasp at all they pack

Though all women have necessities they pack to be more comfortable for their stay, those with chronic illness will have extra stuff. These may include: their own bedding, special cushions for chairs, a few pillows, eighteen kinds of snacks, pain patches, shades to sleep, and a flashlight and a book to read if sleep doesn't happen. They may pack special water, a humongous pillbox of medicine (don't comment), and perhaps even a service dog (which she likely would have spoken to you about before the event).

5. Despite your best intentions, remember that she knows her body better than you do, and she's able to plan for her best experience

Riding on the bus with everyone else, for example, may put her in a great deal of pain the entire weekend. So if she requests a ride in a car with a staff member, make that accommodation. If she puts on a headset to listen to music, don't take it personally that she isn't talking. She may need to rejuvenate so that she is able to socialize that evening. She also may need to eat. If she is diabetic, she will likely need to eat small snacks and meals throughout the weekend. Don't tell her, "Dinner it is in just thirty minutes, so please wait so you can eat with us."

6. Recognize that she's not being a prima donna; take her requests in stride

She may be insisting that she have the bottom bunk bed and then pull out her own mattress, but it's not because she is the Princess and the Pea. She may have some needs that are medical requirements. For example, electricity in her room is necessary if she uses something like a CCAP machine for sleep apnea. (Out of 20 women surveyed, 2 used this). Her medications may also need to be refrigerated and an ice pack won't do the job, so she may need access to the retreat center kitchen or a staff member. Sheryl, who lives with chronic myofascial pain says, "Make sure there are always chairs available for those who can't stand more than a couple of minutes." You may not see a cane or walker, but her feet, knees or balance may not be able to take more than a couple of minutes standing.

7. Realize that she may not want others to know about her illness

Anjuli, who has congenital myopathy (a form of Muscular Dystrophy) says, "Don't single me out!" and Marjorie agrees. "When an explanation is given in confidence, don't respond so much that everyone knows that I have a problem."

8. Make scholarships available

Financial constraints often hold many women with illness back from attending. Let them know costs may be covered.

9. Delegate someone to oversee the necessities of your chronically ill attendees

The best person to choose may be your "healthiest" volunteer who has a chronic illness yourself, or a cancer survivor. This person would communicate with those who are attending and do the best they can to meet their needs and concerns. The women who responded to the Rest Ministries' survey still attend church retreats and typically approach the planner of the retreat before the event and discussed their health issues. But dozens of others who would like to attend simply assume that the church is unable to accommodate their needs, and they never ask if they might attend. Try to reach out to the women who assume they are unable to go. One way may be by putting a special line on your promotional flyer that says, "Do you live with chronic illness? Ask us about our special accommodations! We would love to see you there!"

One of the most valuable gifts in our church that we often overlook is the wisdom and joy of those who live with chronic illness and oftentimes daily pain, and love God anyways. September 8-14 is National Invisible Chronic Illness Awareness Week, sponsored by Rest Ministries. It's a perfect opportunity to take a second look at your ministry's priorities and discover who is not being served who could use your encouragement. And don't forget to also include the chronically ill because the church is missing out on their joy in the Lord, despite their suffering. Get them involved in a retreat soon! One of them may just be your next speaker.