In memory of a musical masterpiece named Gene Pitney

I was a kid in the 60s, and I remember a big glossy red square with a love heart on it and a man in the middle of the heart looking at me. He had a great honesty, no walls. He has a quiet feel to him, almost a shyness. When he looked at me off that glossy cover, he didn?t take from me, or give to me, he was just ?being? in his own space. it was a marvellous thing to have a friend like this, even if he was only ever a picture.

He didn?t have a ?taking-feeling? to him, like narcissists do when they are all caught up with themselves and seem to emotionally shout from their pictures saying ?me?, ?me?, ?me?. And that?s important because sometimes the person holding the picture has no sense of themselves at all, they admire nobody because they haven?t learned to or why they?d want to, they don?t need anyone to look at them or maybe even can?t stand it when people do? they just feel too ?present? and its not always easy to dare exist? especially if you?re autistic, like me.

But that man in that big heart shape on that shiny red square was Gene Pitney. I was about five. I had lost my main carers about six months earlier, my grandfather had died and my grandmother was shipped out to where I saw her four more times before she died. And I was learning to read. I couldn?t read with meaning until I was about ten or so (they didn?t learn I didn?t understand sentences with meaning untill I was nine). Anyway, the reason I had this big red square in my hands was because it had a name on the cover and the name was ?Donna?. Gene Pitney had a song called ?Donna Means Heartbreak?.

When I hear her name,the world just turns upside down

To others Donna means beauty

Donna means heaven,Donna means ecstacy,

But Donna means heartbreak to me

To others Donna means beauty

Donna means heaven,Donna means ecstacy,

But Donna means heartbreak to me

She ran around,like a there was no tomorrow

And all the time, I thought she was mine

She belonged to everyone,everyone,every,every,every one

lyrics by the late great singer-songwriter Gene Pitney.

Gene, you looked into my eyes, the eyes of a little autistic girl, afraid of her name, afraid of being looked at, and I grew up to play the record inside of that big red glossy square with the heart on the front and your face in that heart. My house was not a house of love, it was a house of violence, of horror and madness and you brought beauty into my small little world. I?d like to think that as the singer-songwriter I grew up to be, that there?s a little bit of Gene Pitney hanging out in my soul. And there will be a bit of Gene Pitney hanging out in the souls of so many people that you?ll surely never be gone.

As an author, artist and singer-songwriter, I grew up to belong to the world, to everyone, and to claim my mind, my body, my feelings, my name and dare to let people know me just as you had let people dare to know you, through your words, through your voice, through your eyes and standing strong in this world with an enduring humility. I?d hope I don?t mean heartbreak and that I?ve brought, instead, a fragment of the beauty and passion and foundness that your music gave people.

In memory of a living musical masterpiece named

Gene Pitney

who died, today, in his sleep, in my husband?s home city of Cardiff, leaving behind a wife and three sons.

A tribute from Donna Williams *)

author of Nobody Nowhere

www.donnawilliams.net