To Play or Not to Play
Melissa Smith-Gay
October 10, 2008
Here recently I have spoken to several girlfriends of mine and we have asked this one important question the games guys like to play and if we want to be a part of that. My biggest issue has always been I am the ultimate player because I would not play but I found myself in several situations that lead me to believe I played a bit more than I would have liked.
Why do guys feel that it is necessary to try to hurt the gals they are interested in? Why is it so hard to say that you like or care about someone and be together the way things should be at that moment? How do you make the determination on if you like someone or not if you never invest any real time? Something must have attracted you to this person or in the end was it just the sex you wanted? What is with all of the game play and mind games? Is it really necessary? This got all of us girls talking. What part do we play in this? When should we or shouldnīt we call, should we leave everything up to them and if we do and they donīt respond is it because they arenīt interested or because they think that we are not?
In the end why canīt we just be ourselves you know the way it is with a girlfriend? If we meet a new friend as girls we wouldnīt hesitate to call our new friend and discuss all facets of what new happenings that are occurring in our lives or just that day but you canīt seem to do the same things with your new guy. He would take you as clingy or needy when the only thing you are trying to do is include him to see how his day was. So instead we play the game and try to act aloof. We play coy and act interested in everything they say when and if they actual say something interesting but nine times out of ten when you are first getting to know them you are humoring them. That is a game gals like to play, "the oh, youīre so interesting please tell me more when you are clearly thinking to yourself please shut up already. But we donīt say that not now but eventually we let it all out than we emasculate them. In all reality is a manīs ego is so sensitive that they canīt handle the truth or that they have been spoon feed their entire lives by their motherīs?
I have, here recently, argued with a few guys and I know I left them checking to see if they still had their nuts. If the guys that I am in contact with could conduct themselves with manners then I wouldnīt have to go the route of poor language and frustration.
So, then it leaves me asking maybe it is the sort of guy that I keep around but I have not found that, but instead I have found that they all act this way in general. If you are nice to them they are mean to you but if you are mean to them they are nice to you. How backwards is this? Why do guys enjoy the constant drama and they call us the drama queens? I know more guys that are into the constant drama than I do gals. I went through a period in my life that I didnīt care what a guy did, if he wasnīt jumping through constant hoops I was done. The first time they messed up I dropped them like yesterdays garbage. I got so tired of all of the game play ..dating is not that hard and it shouldnīt be. It is simple .if you want to call, call if you want to ask them out, ask them out and if you want to see them donīt be afraid, life is too short.
If you truly donīt want to get to know the girl, move on, there are plenty of girls in clubs looking for a one night stand. A guy friend once told me that he could go up to 20 girls and ask for supposed sex and he might get one that would say yes but he said that I could go to 20 guys and everyone would say yes because it is easier for a girl to get laid than it is a guy so guys will always take the girl up on it because of the odds of him asking 20 to 1. I think that is ridiculous. I believe on a level playing field it would be about the same but the one key difference is a girl is not only all about sex but can enter into a sexual relationship and it is only sexual as long as it is with that one person. If guys saw this in that perspective than they would understand that they can still have all of their buddies and do their own thing without having the leash but still have all of the sex that they could ever want and for it to be guaranteed.
Most guys donīt enter into relationships because they want their freedom this is the same for girls. Try to be honest about what you want. I would rather hear from a guy I am looking for someone that I can spend some time with and have great sex with but not the full blown drama filled relationship and I canīt guarantee that I will ever want that. I would rather a guy tell me what he truly wants than for a guy to tell me what he thinks I want to hear. Instead we both stay quite knowing truthfully that we both might want a different relationship or we are being selfish not wanting to be alone. In reality, we should let the person go and then the other person can be with someone who they truly can have the relationship they really want. I have found that being honest works out so much better than trying to have a relationship made on false endeavors.
In the end the games we play and the time it takes to play them can be invested in doing things more productive. Guys always seem to say that girls donīt know what they want but the only reason that statement is ever made is in true reality it is the guy who is generally clueless and if the guy truly took more than just a few seconds of interaction than maybe they would truly discover how wonderful this person truly is.
Why do guys feel that it is necessary to try to hurt the gals they are interested in? Why is it so hard to say that you like or care about someone and be together the way things should be at that moment? How do you make the determination on if you like someone or not if you never invest any real time? Something must have attracted you to this person or in the end was it just the sex you wanted? What is with all of the game play and mind games? Is it really necessary? This got all of us girls talking. What part do we play in this? When should we or shouldnīt we call, should we leave everything up to them and if we do and they donīt respond is it because they arenīt interested or because they think that we are not?
In the end why canīt we just be ourselves you know the way it is with a girlfriend? If we meet a new friend as girls we wouldnīt hesitate to call our new friend and discuss all facets of what new happenings that are occurring in our lives or just that day but you canīt seem to do the same things with your new guy. He would take you as clingy or needy when the only thing you are trying to do is include him to see how his day was. So instead we play the game and try to act aloof. We play coy and act interested in everything they say when and if they actual say something interesting but nine times out of ten when you are first getting to know them you are humoring them. That is a game gals like to play, "the oh, youīre so interesting please tell me more when you are clearly thinking to yourself please shut up already. But we donīt say that not now but eventually we let it all out than we emasculate them. In all reality is a manīs ego is so sensitive that they canīt handle the truth or that they have been spoon feed their entire lives by their motherīs?
I have, here recently, argued with a few guys and I know I left them checking to see if they still had their nuts. If the guys that I am in contact with could conduct themselves with manners then I wouldnīt have to go the route of poor language and frustration.
So, then it leaves me asking maybe it is the sort of guy that I keep around but I have not found that, but instead I have found that they all act this way in general. If you are nice to them they are mean to you but if you are mean to them they are nice to you. How backwards is this? Why do guys enjoy the constant drama and they call us the drama queens? I know more guys that are into the constant drama than I do gals. I went through a period in my life that I didnīt care what a guy did, if he wasnīt jumping through constant hoops I was done. The first time they messed up I dropped them like yesterdays garbage. I got so tired of all of the game play ..dating is not that hard and it shouldnīt be. It is simple .if you want to call, call if you want to ask them out, ask them out and if you want to see them donīt be afraid, life is too short.
If you truly donīt want to get to know the girl, move on, there are plenty of girls in clubs looking for a one night stand. A guy friend once told me that he could go up to 20 girls and ask for supposed sex and he might get one that would say yes but he said that I could go to 20 guys and everyone would say yes because it is easier for a girl to get laid than it is a guy so guys will always take the girl up on it because of the odds of him asking 20 to 1. I think that is ridiculous. I believe on a level playing field it would be about the same but the one key difference is a girl is not only all about sex but can enter into a sexual relationship and it is only sexual as long as it is with that one person. If guys saw this in that perspective than they would understand that they can still have all of their buddies and do their own thing without having the leash but still have all of the sex that they could ever want and for it to be guaranteed.
Most guys donīt enter into relationships because they want their freedom this is the same for girls. Try to be honest about what you want. I would rather hear from a guy I am looking for someone that I can spend some time with and have great sex with but not the full blown drama filled relationship and I canīt guarantee that I will ever want that. I would rather a guy tell me what he truly wants than for a guy to tell me what he thinks I want to hear. Instead we both stay quite knowing truthfully that we both might want a different relationship or we are being selfish not wanting to be alone. In reality, we should let the person go and then the other person can be with someone who they truly can have the relationship they really want. I have found that being honest works out so much better than trying to have a relationship made on false endeavors.
In the end the games we play and the time it takes to play them can be invested in doing things more productive. Guys always seem to say that girls donīt know what they want but the only reason that statement is ever made is in true reality it is the guy who is generally clueless and if the guy truly took more than just a few seconds of interaction than maybe they would truly discover how wonderful this person truly is.
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