Hanging With Sir O. Yuri Wiseguy-eh
Miss Mae
September 15, 2008
Nosey: Greetings, cypernuts. This is your official unofficial reporter, I. B. Nosey. Today I'm speaking with Sir O. Yuri Wiseguy-eh of Gumdrop Island fame.
Yuri: Do hurry up. I can't hang around forever.
Nosey: Well, I thank you for any time you can spare, Yuri. On your way to another great adventure, eh?
Yuri: Is there any other kind?
Nosey: I think your fans would love to know a few intimate details about you, if you don't mind.
Yuri: Of course I mind. You just said they were intimate.
Nosey: Oh. Uh, er, well. Would you care to tell us how you wound up at Gumdrop Island?
Yuri: I wouldn't care at all, Nosey. Unfortunately, I haven't the least idea.
Nosey: You don't know?
Yuri: What kind of reporter are you if all you do is question what I say? All I know is, I woke up one morning and presto. Sir O. Yuri Wiseguy-eh came into being.
Nosey: Isn't that an odd way to be created?
Yuri: Considering you were created the exact same way, yes, I'd have to say it is odd.
Nosey: Whoa. Let's don't make this personal, Yuri.
Yuri: Isn't the interview about me? How much more personal can it get?
Nosey: Well, so far, no one knows anything about you or Gumdrop Island.
Yuri: There's still much exploration I'm unaware of myself. But what little I do know, I'll share. Needless to say, I'm a fearless adventurer. One day while sailing on my Good Ship Lollipop, I landed at Noplace in Particular and rescued a nameless D.I.D., or Damsel in Distress. I've brought her to my home, Gumdrop Island. Every conceivable candies sold in the world is first made at my confectionery plantation. Creeks of chocolate flow through peppermint fields. Gingerbread hedges adorn the yard of my Marshmallow Mansion. Licorice trees grow as far as the eye can see and—By the way, what's that noise?
Nosey: Sorry. Just my stomach growling.
Yuri: For a moment there, you almost sounded like Heathcliff.
Nosey: I wanted to ask you about him. For some reason, he seems to be an important character in your story. But, why? What's the deal about having a possum at a candy factory?
Yuri: Candy factory? Hardly. Gumdrop Island cannot be compared to a Willa-Wonka makeover.
Nosey: Okay, okay. Boy, Yuri, you're a grouch.
Yuri: And you're a boob. I need Matt Drudge to be speaking with me right now, not some ezine reporter who's interviewed a bird-brain like Mother Goose. By the way, I read your article. Did you escort her to that Ugly Bug Ball?
Nosey: Uh, I think we were talking about Heathcliff. Can you explain his mission?
Yuri: Let me just mention this. He's a superb private detective. He can sniff out items unknown to other supposed greats. For instance, he can bag a whole poke full of snipe when everyone else comes up empty handed.
Nosey: Is that all he can do?
Yuri: My good man, have you actually read my adventures? If you had, you'd know all there is about Heathcliff. Or, as much as has been told about him to this point.
Nosey: To tell you the truth, no. So I'm kinda hanging here, I guess.
Yuri: Hanging? It's me who's hanging, you dolt!
Nosey: What do you mean?
Yuri: You rang me at a most inconvenient time. My balloon encountered a thunderstorm, rain flooded the basket, tipped us over and now Heathcliff and I are hanging off the aft side.
Nosey: You mean I caught you in the middle of another adventure? Flying in a hot-air balloon, you've been sucked up by a thunderstorm?
Yuri: There you go repeating my words again! Send someone to save us, Nosey. Your date, Mother Goose, can give us a lift on her wings, can't she? Because my other companions, Wrap Periwinkle, Moose, Telly, and Tazmane, have made a sort of human rope by acting like Rapunzel and clenching onto Cuddles' hair. But I don't know how much longer they can hang on. Oops. Oh, I do say. I didn't know Cuddles wore a wig.
Nosey: So you and Heathcliff. Both of you are barely keeping your hold on the side of the basket?
Yuri: Quite. And the view's atrocious.
Nosey: Why's that?
Yuri: I'm holding onto Heathcliff's tail.
Nosey: Ah. I think you can shut your cell phone now, Yuri. With that, this is I. B. Nosey signing off. We'll close with a word from our sponsor.
Yuri: Help!
copyright 2008 by L.M. Thomas
Yuri: Do hurry up. I can't hang around forever.
Nosey: Well, I thank you for any time you can spare, Yuri. On your way to another great adventure, eh?
Yuri: Is there any other kind?
Nosey: I think your fans would love to know a few intimate details about you, if you don't mind.
Yuri: Of course I mind. You just said they were intimate.
Nosey: Oh. Uh, er, well. Would you care to tell us how you wound up at Gumdrop Island?
Yuri: I wouldn't care at all, Nosey. Unfortunately, I haven't the least idea.
Nosey: You don't know?
Yuri: What kind of reporter are you if all you do is question what I say? All I know is, I woke up one morning and presto. Sir O. Yuri Wiseguy-eh came into being.
Nosey: Isn't that an odd way to be created?
Yuri: Considering you were created the exact same way, yes, I'd have to say it is odd.
Nosey: Whoa. Let's don't make this personal, Yuri.
Yuri: Isn't the interview about me? How much more personal can it get?
Nosey: Well, so far, no one knows anything about you or Gumdrop Island.
Yuri: There's still much exploration I'm unaware of myself. But what little I do know, I'll share. Needless to say, I'm a fearless adventurer. One day while sailing on my Good Ship Lollipop, I landed at Noplace in Particular and rescued a nameless D.I.D., or Damsel in Distress. I've brought her to my home, Gumdrop Island. Every conceivable candies sold in the world is first made at my confectionery plantation. Creeks of chocolate flow through peppermint fields. Gingerbread hedges adorn the yard of my Marshmallow Mansion. Licorice trees grow as far as the eye can see and—By the way, what's that noise?
Nosey: Sorry. Just my stomach growling.
Yuri: For a moment there, you almost sounded like Heathcliff.
Nosey: I wanted to ask you about him. For some reason, he seems to be an important character in your story. But, why? What's the deal about having a possum at a candy factory?
Yuri: Candy factory? Hardly. Gumdrop Island cannot be compared to a Willa-Wonka makeover.
Nosey: Okay, okay. Boy, Yuri, you're a grouch.
Yuri: And you're a boob. I need Matt Drudge to be speaking with me right now, not some ezine reporter who's interviewed a bird-brain like Mother Goose. By the way, I read your article. Did you escort her to that Ugly Bug Ball?
Nosey: Uh, I think we were talking about Heathcliff. Can you explain his mission?
Yuri: Let me just mention this. He's a superb private detective. He can sniff out items unknown to other supposed greats. For instance, he can bag a whole poke full of snipe when everyone else comes up empty handed.
Nosey: Is that all he can do?
Yuri: My good man, have you actually read my adventures? If you had, you'd know all there is about Heathcliff. Or, as much as has been told about him to this point.
Nosey: To tell you the truth, no. So I'm kinda hanging here, I guess.
Yuri: Hanging? It's me who's hanging, you dolt!
Nosey: What do you mean?
Yuri: You rang me at a most inconvenient time. My balloon encountered a thunderstorm, rain flooded the basket, tipped us over and now Heathcliff and I are hanging off the aft side.
Nosey: You mean I caught you in the middle of another adventure? Flying in a hot-air balloon, you've been sucked up by a thunderstorm?
Yuri: There you go repeating my words again! Send someone to save us, Nosey. Your date, Mother Goose, can give us a lift on her wings, can't she? Because my other companions, Wrap Periwinkle, Moose, Telly, and Tazmane, have made a sort of human rope by acting like Rapunzel and clenching onto Cuddles' hair. But I don't know how much longer they can hang on. Oops. Oh, I do say. I didn't know Cuddles wore a wig.
Nosey: So you and Heathcliff. Both of you are barely keeping your hold on the side of the basket?
Yuri: Quite. And the view's atrocious.
Nosey: Why's that?
Yuri: I'm holding onto Heathcliff's tail.
Nosey: Ah. I think you can shut your cell phone now, Yuri. With that, this is I. B. Nosey signing off. We'll close with a word from our sponsor.
Yuri: Help!
copyright 2008 by L.M. Thomas
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