More Than 'Troops'
Monica Benderman
March 27, 2006
In the past three years, I have stood on both sides of the war – and felt the extremes of frustration, anger, pride, love – but mostly frustration – and always love.
As the war began, three years ago, I was proud of my husband, a Sergeant in the US Army. He was a soldier who was committed to his duty – to defend his country and its constitution – and I was willing to be there for him in any way that I could. He did not waver, he didn’t question. Based on what he knew at the time, he made a decision to stand on the frontlines in defense of the country he called home.
My soldier went to war, and his experience was one that taught him that he would not return for another tour. He made a choice. His perspective showed him that he could not participate in what he saw to be a destructive process. He filed for conscientious objector status, and serves time in jail now, because of his beliefs and his Army commander’s inability to accept those stated beliefs with the integrity my husband deserved. When my husband’s experiences changed his beliefs, he had the courage to choose a new direction and act on it.
I am proud of my husband, and I am willing to be there for him in any way that I can be.
He has taken a stand on the frontlines in defense of the constitution of the country he calls home.
How can we say “support the troops” by bringing them all home, when there are still many soldiers who believe in what they are doing in Iraq?
How can we say “support the troops” by not setting a timetable for their withdrawal, when there are so many soldiers who have become disillusioned by what they have been asked to do in Iraq?
How can we, as a country whose soldiers are the men and women who actually stood up and did something to defend it, stand on opposite sides of the street and argue with each other over what “support the troops” really means?
Support the troops” is not a wholesale distinction – it is not a blanket option in which one side’s opinion is right and no other opinion matters.
Support the troops” is as individual a decision as there are soldiers in the military, and families who love them.
Support the troops,” for someone who has been on both sides, is about defining the truth of this war and the events leading to it. It is about defining the truth of the reasons we are still there, and the reasons so many feel we should leave. The truth based on hard, cold facts.
Support the troops” means helping those soldiers who cannot face another tour of duty to be able to find the resources to move on – to face their command with integrity, freely admit that they are done, and leave the military knowing they gave all they could as long as they believed, and when they could no longer believe, their country thanked them for what they had given, and respected the dignity of their service by letting them go.
Support the troops” means sending the right tools, the right equipment and the right guidance to the soldiers who remain in country, so that they can complete the work they still believe in, with honor and integrity. It means giving them rest during their deployments so that they do not become exhausted and unable to cope on missions they still find meaning in; so they remain focused on humanity in an inhumane action.
It means taking care of their families here at home, regardless of their choices, supporting them as they give to their soldiers in the ways that they need.
Support the troops” means understanding their unique positions, trying to learn from their perspective, reaching common ground and not trying to impose our will on those who disagree.
Support the troops” means reaching out to those we consider the “enemy” and even as we proceed with our guard up, to seek resolution through diplomacy in an effort to understand what it is they are willing to fight so hard to defend.
Support the troops” means understanding their needs; physical, emotional and psychological when they return home. It means providing the care they deserve for the service they have given. It means remembering the veterans who have served in past wars, and giving them the dignity and respect they have earned. Perhaps if we remembered them better, we would know better why we should never go to war.
Support the troops” means governing with integrity, admitting mistakes but more importantly, exhausting every means of diplomacy and realizing that the very last resource is war. Our soldiers’ lives are way too valuable to send them to war on the perception of a threat.
Support the troops” by living life here to the highest standard; by remembering The Rules, and showing the same respect for others as we demand for ourselves.
Support the troops” by putting the value of life ahead of material wealth, and by seeing success in the achievements that matter.
Rather than stand to “Bring Them Home Now” or “Stay the Course” – stand to learn the truth. Stand to see that the facts of this war, from its beginning to its current operations, are given in truth, are represented in truth by all sides, rather than steeped in emotion.
Support the troops” by recognizing that they are more than troops. They are individuals with the courage to take action for their country while most of their countrymen sit idly waiting for others to act for them. All should be proud that our soldiers stood up; they got up off their backsides, looked fear in the eye, and made a choice – our soldiers DID something.
Support the troops” by realizing that every single American has a duty to this country, not simply those who have enlisted to fight.
Support the troops” by educating ourselves, by learning what the Constitution really represents, by living by its standards and respecting its purpose.
Support the troops” by knowing that they cannot fight for us – they can only fight alongside of us if we are to truly succeed in achieving the peace we all want and need.
Support the troops” by accepting responsibility for what is yours; your family, your home and, if you love one, your soldier. Honor their service by believing in what they have chosen to do. For some, it will be to continue to serve. For others, it will be that they become conscientious objectors and find another way to give to their country.
For those who have given their lives – remember them in truth, and honor them by remembering them for what they believed, not for what you would have hoped they might have wanted.
To put someone in a position to perform duties that go against their principles destroys a human being. But – any soldier must choose in his heart and mind to either continue with what they have chosen, or to make a different decision. Only the soldiers will know for themselves whether it is time to come home or if there is still work for them to do.
To bring peace into this world, individuals will all believe differently as far as their role and how their role is defined. Peace will not come until we all learn to walk toward the middle ground, even as we live by our own choices. We are not “supporting our troops” by believing that we, collectively, know better what they need than each individual soldier who has the right to choose the path he takes.
Support the troops” by allowing the truth to bring us all the knowledge we need to live our lives working toward peace, and by allowing all soldiers the right to make their choices without the threat of retribution – from either side of someone else’s center.
Monica is the wife of Sgt. Kevin Benderman, Conscientious Objector to war and the current status of this country, and currently serving a prison sentence at the RCF at Ft. Lewis, WA. To learn more - please visit http://bendermandefensetrust.blog.com and www.BendermanTimeline.com.
Kevin and Monica may be contacted at mdawnb@coastalnow.net
As the war began, three years ago, I was proud of my husband, a Sergeant in the US Army. He was a soldier who was committed to his duty – to defend his country and its constitution – and I was willing to be there for him in any way that I could. He did not waver, he didn’t question. Based on what he knew at the time, he made a decision to stand on the frontlines in defense of the country he called home.
My soldier went to war, and his experience was one that taught him that he would not return for another tour. He made a choice. His perspective showed him that he could not participate in what he saw to be a destructive process. He filed for conscientious objector status, and serves time in jail now, because of his beliefs and his Army commander’s inability to accept those stated beliefs with the integrity my husband deserved. When my husband’s experiences changed his beliefs, he had the courage to choose a new direction and act on it.
I am proud of my husband, and I am willing to be there for him in any way that I can be.
He has taken a stand on the frontlines in defense of the constitution of the country he calls home.
How can we say “support the troops” by bringing them all home, when there are still many soldiers who believe in what they are doing in Iraq?
How can we say “support the troops” by not setting a timetable for their withdrawal, when there are so many soldiers who have become disillusioned by what they have been asked to do in Iraq?
How can we, as a country whose soldiers are the men and women who actually stood up and did something to defend it, stand on opposite sides of the street and argue with each other over what “support the troops” really means?
Support the troops” is not a wholesale distinction – it is not a blanket option in which one side’s opinion is right and no other opinion matters.
Support the troops” is as individual a decision as there are soldiers in the military, and families who love them.
Support the troops,” for someone who has been on both sides, is about defining the truth of this war and the events leading to it. It is about defining the truth of the reasons we are still there, and the reasons so many feel we should leave. The truth based on hard, cold facts.
Support the troops” means helping those soldiers who cannot face another tour of duty to be able to find the resources to move on – to face their command with integrity, freely admit that they are done, and leave the military knowing they gave all they could as long as they believed, and when they could no longer believe, their country thanked them for what they had given, and respected the dignity of their service by letting them go.
Support the troops” means sending the right tools, the right equipment and the right guidance to the soldiers who remain in country, so that they can complete the work they still believe in, with honor and integrity. It means giving them rest during their deployments so that they do not become exhausted and unable to cope on missions they still find meaning in; so they remain focused on humanity in an inhumane action.
It means taking care of their families here at home, regardless of their choices, supporting them as they give to their soldiers in the ways that they need.
Support the troops” means understanding their unique positions, trying to learn from their perspective, reaching common ground and not trying to impose our will on those who disagree.
Support the troops” means reaching out to those we consider the “enemy” and even as we proceed with our guard up, to seek resolution through diplomacy in an effort to understand what it is they are willing to fight so hard to defend.
Support the troops” means understanding their needs; physical, emotional and psychological when they return home. It means providing the care they deserve for the service they have given. It means remembering the veterans who have served in past wars, and giving them the dignity and respect they have earned. Perhaps if we remembered them better, we would know better why we should never go to war.
Support the troops” means governing with integrity, admitting mistakes but more importantly, exhausting every means of diplomacy and realizing that the very last resource is war. Our soldiers’ lives are way too valuable to send them to war on the perception of a threat.
Support the troops” by living life here to the highest standard; by remembering The Rules, and showing the same respect for others as we demand for ourselves.
Support the troops” by putting the value of life ahead of material wealth, and by seeing success in the achievements that matter.
Rather than stand to “Bring Them Home Now” or “Stay the Course” – stand to learn the truth. Stand to see that the facts of this war, from its beginning to its current operations, are given in truth, are represented in truth by all sides, rather than steeped in emotion.
Support the troops” by recognizing that they are more than troops. They are individuals with the courage to take action for their country while most of their countrymen sit idly waiting for others to act for them. All should be proud that our soldiers stood up; they got up off their backsides, looked fear in the eye, and made a choice – our soldiers DID something.
Support the troops” by realizing that every single American has a duty to this country, not simply those who have enlisted to fight.
Support the troops” by educating ourselves, by learning what the Constitution really represents, by living by its standards and respecting its purpose.
Support the troops” by knowing that they cannot fight for us – they can only fight alongside of us if we are to truly succeed in achieving the peace we all want and need.
Support the troops” by accepting responsibility for what is yours; your family, your home and, if you love one, your soldier. Honor their service by believing in what they have chosen to do. For some, it will be to continue to serve. For others, it will be that they become conscientious objectors and find another way to give to their country.
For those who have given their lives – remember them in truth, and honor them by remembering them for what they believed, not for what you would have hoped they might have wanted.
To put someone in a position to perform duties that go against their principles destroys a human being. But – any soldier must choose in his heart and mind to either continue with what they have chosen, or to make a different decision. Only the soldiers will know for themselves whether it is time to come home or if there is still work for them to do.
To bring peace into this world, individuals will all believe differently as far as their role and how their role is defined. Peace will not come until we all learn to walk toward the middle ground, even as we live by our own choices. We are not “supporting our troops” by believing that we, collectively, know better what they need than each individual soldier who has the right to choose the path he takes.
Support the troops” by allowing the truth to bring us all the knowledge we need to live our lives working toward peace, and by allowing all soldiers the right to make their choices without the threat of retribution – from either side of someone else’s center.
Monica is the wife of Sgt. Kevin Benderman, Conscientious Objector to war and the current status of this country, and currently serving a prison sentence at the RCF at Ft. Lewis, WA. To learn more - please visit http://bendermandefensetrust.blog.com and www.BendermanTimeline.com.
Kevin and Monica may be contacted at mdawnb@coastalnow.net
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