Win Your Ex Back the Right Way: Use These 5 Tips When Calling Her on the Phone
Marc Sandford
July 21, 2008
Imagine the following scenario: it's 2 am, you're drunk and feeling depressed and you impulsively place a phone call to a high level executive to beg for or demand to have a job interview.
Most people would consider this scenario to be thoroughly preposterous. No one in their right mind would make such an important phone call in this way. It's...insane.
Yet, a more important phone call is handled this way by people all the time when they're trying to convince someone they love to take them back. This inconsistency is nothing short of amazing. If it involves your career, use your head, be smart and plan ahead. If it's your love life, well, anything goes.
I agree that there are very powerful emotions at work when coping with a breakup. But yielding to these impulses will more than likely guarantee failure. No one says that you're not allowed to use your brain in affairs of the heart. Who you spend your life with is more important than what your next job will be.
So if you're about to impulsively call your ex in this way, don't. Here are five suggestions to bear in mind when you are about to contact her for the first time after the breakup:
1.) Men are supposed to be self assured and strong in our culture. They are the doers, they make things happen. Women expect and are attracted by this. Now, the matter of sensitivity in men has been the topic of much debate.
Sensitivity combined with strength and confidence can be very attractive in a man. Needy, clingy behavior, and crying will make you seem weak. These expressions of despair and panic should not be confused with sensitivity. To her you'll seem immature and childlike.
2.) Always remember your objective when talking to your ex: saving your relationship. What this means is that you aren't doing this to make yourself feel better or superior. You aren't attempting to prove who was wrong nor are you trying to save face. Nailing down the blame is just a continuation of the conflict.
Placing blame serves only to clear yourself of wrong doing. While this may make you feel a little better, it's of no help to your ex and will only push her further away. Put yourself on the receiving end of those words if it isn't clear how she will react. What's more important is accepting responsibility for your wrong doing without expecting any reciprocation from her.
3.) Avoid insincerity. Don't say anything unless you really mean it. Do not express feelings that you don't truly feel. The phrase: "sorry...but" means that you aren't really sorry. Telling her that you aren't sorry for what you did is a bad tactic.
4.) Never expect or demand complete forgiveness. Forgiveness can only be asked for. You can give forgiveness but you shouldn't expect it in return. Forgiveness isn't an item to be bartered. Remember, this isn't a trade transaction.
5.) When you contact her for the first time, be sure that you are feeling level headed. That means no alcohol, anger, or depression. Use your head, think over your words carefully, and call her.
A lot can go wrong when trying to win back your ex. Play it safe with this advice and strategy.
Most people would consider this scenario to be thoroughly preposterous. No one in their right mind would make such an important phone call in this way. It's...insane.
Yet, a more important phone call is handled this way by people all the time when they're trying to convince someone they love to take them back. This inconsistency is nothing short of amazing. If it involves your career, use your head, be smart and plan ahead. If it's your love life, well, anything goes.
I agree that there are very powerful emotions at work when coping with a breakup. But yielding to these impulses will more than likely guarantee failure. No one says that you're not allowed to use your brain in affairs of the heart. Who you spend your life with is more important than what your next job will be.
So if you're about to impulsively call your ex in this way, don't. Here are five suggestions to bear in mind when you are about to contact her for the first time after the breakup:
1.) Men are supposed to be self assured and strong in our culture. They are the doers, they make things happen. Women expect and are attracted by this. Now, the matter of sensitivity in men has been the topic of much debate.
Sensitivity combined with strength and confidence can be very attractive in a man. Needy, clingy behavior, and crying will make you seem weak. These expressions of despair and panic should not be confused with sensitivity. To her you'll seem immature and childlike.
2.) Always remember your objective when talking to your ex: saving your relationship. What this means is that you aren't doing this to make yourself feel better or superior. You aren't attempting to prove who was wrong nor are you trying to save face. Nailing down the blame is just a continuation of the conflict.
Placing blame serves only to clear yourself of wrong doing. While this may make you feel a little better, it's of no help to your ex and will only push her further away. Put yourself on the receiving end of those words if it isn't clear how she will react. What's more important is accepting responsibility for your wrong doing without expecting any reciprocation from her.
3.) Avoid insincerity. Don't say anything unless you really mean it. Do not express feelings that you don't truly feel. The phrase: "sorry...but" means that you aren't really sorry. Telling her that you aren't sorry for what you did is a bad tactic.
4.) Never expect or demand complete forgiveness. Forgiveness can only be asked for. You can give forgiveness but you shouldn't expect it in return. Forgiveness isn't an item to be bartered. Remember, this isn't a trade transaction.
5.) When you contact her for the first time, be sure that you are feeling level headed. That means no alcohol, anger, or depression. Use your head, think over your words carefully, and call her.
A lot can go wrong when trying to win back your ex. Play it safe with this advice and strategy.
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