Searching for the dream:Page 13
Bhumika Ghimire
March 02, 2006
Getting lucky
After I returned home from Chennai, I didn't know what I wanted to do next. I was too ashamed of myself for not being able to achieve what I wanted to and leaving the whole mission in the middle. Also I felt bad because I had disappointed high hopes my parents had. For a couple of weeks I stayed at home just reading magazines and thinking what I want to be in future and what I really love doing. It lead to nothing, I grew more frustrated and unhappy. I had no self esteem and this was affecting my family. Arguments and screaming matches were more frequent and I was moving far from my parents every day.
One day my dad saw admission notice of a new college for Bachelor in Computer Application. He thought since I am from science background and Computer science is fast growing field and has bright prospects, this might be the thing for me. So he went to the college and got an application form for me. I was so down and low at that time that I didn’t think twice before agreeing to join this college. I didn't believe in myself so anything to escape was good. I joined the college in the summer of 2000.
Lord Buddha Foundation, my new college was everything I didn't want my college to be. It was housed in a three story building with no sporting facility. Being a computer science college, it had just 20 computers for nearly 100 students and there was no internet. Also it was not recognized by the central university of Nepal which made it impossible for students to employ by any government agency. The quality of education was not encouraging with professors as knowledgeable as the students. The student all had different motives for coming to college, some wanted escape nagging parents, some wanted escape nagging in-laws and wailing babies at home and some like me wanted something bolster their ego among the less talented ones. What I am saying here is that this was the perfect way for me to bolster my gone ego, I was better in studies than all the others. And being from science background was and advantage and I had better English.
So I start my three year long college career, which went on really well. I was always the higher scorer in exams and had my name in the University dean list. But unfortunately I did not learn anything. All I did was to get high scores in exams and be happy with myself. I did not learn any technical skills or any job skills. Many of my friends who used to score less than me were better technically and had better skills, be it in programming or in systems analysis. I just know the facts they knew how to use the facts to get results.
Also what I must note here is that I was never attracted to computer science as a career. I agreed to go to college for it because at that time I had no other way and I did not want to coz any more trouble to my parents. I did not think that selecting a career is a serious thing and it takes time to decide wanted escape the reality that I failed so I took up whatever came my way.
I am amazed that after all these I still have not decided what I want to do in life. I still don't know about my career, all I ever thought was that I want to be famous and do something great. But I didn't think beyond that, like I need to have a career to be famous, I need to do some good work. If I could be famous for doing nothing then I should follow Paris Hilton. Anyway, now that I have taken a year off to sort out th9ings I am hopeful that this year I will be able to find my way.
(fictional)
continued......
After I returned home from Chennai, I didn't know what I wanted to do next. I was too ashamed of myself for not being able to achieve what I wanted to and leaving the whole mission in the middle. Also I felt bad because I had disappointed high hopes my parents had. For a couple of weeks I stayed at home just reading magazines and thinking what I want to be in future and what I really love doing. It lead to nothing, I grew more frustrated and unhappy. I had no self esteem and this was affecting my family. Arguments and screaming matches were more frequent and I was moving far from my parents every day.
One day my dad saw admission notice of a new college for Bachelor in Computer Application. He thought since I am from science background and Computer science is fast growing field and has bright prospects, this might be the thing for me. So he went to the college and got an application form for me. I was so down and low at that time that I didn’t think twice before agreeing to join this college. I didn't believe in myself so anything to escape was good. I joined the college in the summer of 2000.
Lord Buddha Foundation, my new college was everything I didn't want my college to be. It was housed in a three story building with no sporting facility. Being a computer science college, it had just 20 computers for nearly 100 students and there was no internet. Also it was not recognized by the central university of Nepal which made it impossible for students to employ by any government agency. The quality of education was not encouraging with professors as knowledgeable as the students. The student all had different motives for coming to college, some wanted escape nagging parents, some wanted escape nagging in-laws and wailing babies at home and some like me wanted something bolster their ego among the less talented ones. What I am saying here is that this was the perfect way for me to bolster my gone ego, I was better in studies than all the others. And being from science background was and advantage and I had better English.
So I start my three year long college career, which went on really well. I was always the higher scorer in exams and had my name in the University dean list. But unfortunately I did not learn anything. All I did was to get high scores in exams and be happy with myself. I did not learn any technical skills or any job skills. Many of my friends who used to score less than me were better technically and had better skills, be it in programming or in systems analysis. I just know the facts they knew how to use the facts to get results.
Also what I must note here is that I was never attracted to computer science as a career. I agreed to go to college for it because at that time I had no other way and I did not want to coz any more trouble to my parents. I did not think that selecting a career is a serious thing and it takes time to decide wanted escape the reality that I failed so I took up whatever came my way.
I am amazed that after all these I still have not decided what I want to do in life. I still don't know about my career, all I ever thought was that I want to be famous and do something great. But I didn't think beyond that, like I need to have a career to be famous, I need to do some good work. If I could be famous for doing nothing then I should follow Paris Hilton. Anyway, now that I have taken a year off to sort out th9ings I am hopeful that this year I will be able to find my way.
(fictional)
continued......
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