Searching for the dream:Page 12
Bhumika Ghimire
March 02, 2006
Something like Love
When I look back at whatever happened between me and Navin, I seriously think that I am the craziest person in this world. I never loved him, he never loved me still we were willing to risk our future to keep our relationship. When the principal threatened us to stop whatever is going on between us or risk being expelled from school just 5 months before the final exams, I thought for the first time do I really want to risk everything for Navin. Being expelled from school is really a big thing in our society, if have a history like that than no other school will admit you and your future is just tarnished. It was then when I realized that I don't love Navin, the reason I am with him is because I need attention and he gives me that.
Being away from family and my people I found it hard to get attention from people. I am living among strangers who have no obligation to like me or love me and in midst of this I find Navin who treats me with kindness. He gives me attention and listens to me, my heart though that this is love. But we never had a real relationship, all communication we used to have was through letters, in St Mary’s girls and boys were not supposed to talk to each other. We never spoke to each other except for hi or bye. Still we were willing to risk everything for this; we were taking this support system we had between us, kind of friendship for love.
Things fell apart as soon as I left school after final exams. We lost contact and I have not heard anything from him ever since. Seems like what we had was not even friendship, friends I believe keep in touch no matter how far they go away from each other. As for us, everything finished on the last day of school, as if we had planned to be lovers and then forget everything when it was time to leave. All seemed so easy and planned; when I reached home I never missed him or missed any part of being in relationship with him. We never shared anything so there was nothing to miss; we never had nay moments together so there was nothing to remember. I missed those long letters we used to write to each other though, I don't know why.
So I am alone once again. There is no guy in my life and I am back to wishing that I was prettier or I had better hair or I had better body or I was not me but someone else.
(fictional account)
continued.......
When I look back at whatever happened between me and Navin, I seriously think that I am the craziest person in this world. I never loved him, he never loved me still we were willing to risk our future to keep our relationship. When the principal threatened us to stop whatever is going on between us or risk being expelled from school just 5 months before the final exams, I thought for the first time do I really want to risk everything for Navin. Being expelled from school is really a big thing in our society, if have a history like that than no other school will admit you and your future is just tarnished. It was then when I realized that I don't love Navin, the reason I am with him is because I need attention and he gives me that.
Being away from family and my people I found it hard to get attention from people. I am living among strangers who have no obligation to like me or love me and in midst of this I find Navin who treats me with kindness. He gives me attention and listens to me, my heart though that this is love. But we never had a real relationship, all communication we used to have was through letters, in St Mary’s girls and boys were not supposed to talk to each other. We never spoke to each other except for hi or bye. Still we were willing to risk everything for this; we were taking this support system we had between us, kind of friendship for love.
Things fell apart as soon as I left school after final exams. We lost contact and I have not heard anything from him ever since. Seems like what we had was not even friendship, friends I believe keep in touch no matter how far they go away from each other. As for us, everything finished on the last day of school, as if we had planned to be lovers and then forget everything when it was time to leave. All seemed so easy and planned; when I reached home I never missed him or missed any part of being in relationship with him. We never shared anything so there was nothing to miss; we never had nay moments together so there was nothing to remember. I missed those long letters we used to write to each other though, I don't know why.
So I am alone once again. There is no guy in my life and I am back to wishing that I was prettier or I had better hair or I had better body or I was not me but someone else.
(fictional account)
continued.......
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