Uplifting Canadian Celebrant Funeral Services: Dancing in the Aisles and Remembering Those We Love
Pam Vetter
May 30, 2008
In-Sight Institute Funeral Celebrants focus on storytelling and favorites of the decedent that represent someone's full life and personality. The funerals are uplifting, memorable and meaningful.
Robert Steeves and Donna Sorokowski, Canadian Certified Funeral Celebrants who work with Arbor Memorial Services Inc. funeral homes, are garnering attention from the creative funeral services they're creating for families.
Celebrant Robert Steeves of the Valley View Funeral Home in Surrey, has conducted nearly 120 Celebrant funeral services at four funeral homes in the mainland of British Columbia for Arbor Memorial Services Inc. since being trained in the fall of 2006.
"My favorite service was for a 53-year-old woman who liked to dance. It was a blended family, they were Japanese-Canadian, and she loved the music of Abba. The family kept telling me how much she loved Abba and how much she loved to dance," Steeves remembered, "I took a little bit of a risk, not knowing how it would turn out, but I mentioned at the end of the service how much she loved Abba and how much she loved to dance. To honor her would be to do exactly what she wanted to be doing at this time. So, we played Abba's song 'Dancing Queen' and everybody got up, they danced in the aisles and they danced in the front of the chapel. There were more than 300 people there. And, all of the staff came from the office and other funeral directors came down to watch. For me, the highlight was when her 83-year-old mother, who was trying to dance as best she could, took my hand and tried to dance with me. She gave me a hug and had a big smile on her face. So, I knew that I had hit the mark and the family was very happy. That was the very best for me."
Steeves who wears a big comforting smile, cares deeply about his families. For him, he sees conducting personalized funeral services as a privilege.
"My reward comes when I see the family after a service and I get a hug or thank you cards. For me, it's the best job I've ever had in terms of getting that sort of response," Steeves said. "I've dealt with every age group. One of the first services I did was for a stillborn baby and I've done three or four of those. The oldest person I conducted a service for was 102-years-old. I've also done services for ages in between, including a number of young people in their late teens or early 20's who have either committed suicide or died of a drug overdose. For me, it's been a huge learning experience in dealing with families. I see the value of having a service. During the reception, I pop my head in to see how they're doing and you can see that the healing is already taking place. For me, it's been hugely rewarding to see that."
Steeves advises families to consider holding a funeral service if they're faced with a loss.
"There's a trend for people to think that a funeral service is not necessary, but I'd ask families to reconsider that. It is a time for healing. Although it's a thing that many families dread and often bypass, it's a wonderful opportunity for their own healing and healing of their friends and family members. I think if the funeral is done in a way that honors them as a family, I think it's a win for them. It's not something that should be taken lightly and it should be planned properly, but it can play a vital role in the healing process." Steeves added, "I worry about people who don't have a funeral service. Where we live in British Columbia, it's a secular area, and there's a real trend as a lot of people don't see the value in funeral service. They don't belong to a church and they don't think there's an option for them, so they have a direct committal with no service. But, there are choices now with a Celebrant who isn't connected to a church and will create a service to fit their needs."
Donna Sorokowski, a Celebrant based at the Glen Lawn Funeral Home in Winnipeg, Manitoba, Canada, has conducted more than 60 Celebrant funerals in the last two years at four sites of Arbor Memorial Services Inc., including Glen Eden Funeral Home, Chapel Lawn Funeral Home and Desjardins Funeral Home.
"One of my fun services was a celebration of someone's life who was 100-years-old. It was just family because all of her friends had died unfortunately. But, her family was so closely knit together that they wanted to do something special. Because she was a farmer's wife, I decided to create a memory jar during the service layering seeds," Sorokowski explained. "I started off with her life and the hardships she had. I used a green pea seed to line the bottom of the jar. The next seed was pumpkin seeds because it was a seed of love and it shared a common vine. It can be fun for Halloween and it shares a community. In the middle, I put kidney bean seeds because she had such a sense of humor. I layered it with popcorn seeds for all of the trials in her life because when you heat a kernel of corn, it transforms. We are usually transformed when we're put under pressure. At the very top of the jar, I layered it with sunflower seeds because sunflowers have to follow the light and turn to face the light. That's who she was as she shone for the family. I wrapped the top with fancy twine and then gave the family little labels for what each seed represented. The family was just thrilled. They sent copies all over the country and it was a really nice celebration. The jar is now being passed from family to family now."
Sorokowski feels blessed that Arbor has been so supportive of the Celebrant movement in Canada.
"Every service is unique. For a real estate agent, who was a gardener, I was able to find the little cards with hearts that say 'Remember Me' and you plant the heart and wildflowers grow. The family loved it," Sorokowski said. "I also had a suicide for a lady whose husband was so devastated that he couldn't deal with it. He decided on a small service at graveside. He was traumatized so I worked with only a few details. I poured sand into a jar at the service. I used red sand for the love she did have for her family. I used green sand for the fun that she was and gray sand for the mystery that we don't understand. Maybe we won't know in this lifetime why this happened. At the very top, I used white sand showing that her spirit would soar. I gave that to her husband and he had something tangible to hold on to and go home with. He was so overwhelmed."
She advises families to think through their options concerning funeral service.
"I think families shouldn't be afraid to discuss their wants and their desires and to try another alternative. This is about choice," Sorokowski reminded, "They're so traumatized as it is. But, if they want something more personal, they need to speak up. There's too much fear. They're afraid to say they may not believe. Subconsciously, I think there is a need to have their loved ones in a safe place. It's a spiritual place and whether they go to church or not, they ask if I can commit him or her back to God, but then they say, 'please don't give us an altar call.' Families don't always need to go full ritual as Celebrants create services that are based on someone's story. People walk away from Celebrant services saying 'I didn't even know all those stories about this person, this is awesome.' It makes a difference when the whole service is about him or her."
For more information about In-Sight Celebrants visit www.insightbooks.com or call 1-(800)658-9262.
For more information about Arbor Memorial Services Inc. link to www.arbormemorial.com.
Pictured: Arbor Memorial Services Inc. Celebrants Robert Steeves and Donna Sorokowski.
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