Depression Is Not Your Buddy
Stan Grimes
May 29, 2008
It´s not so much that the sun dares to shine. It´s more that the sun decides to shine when I´m not shining. I have been diagnosed with the illness of depression. Perhaps, I should call it a disease. Illnesses can go away, but diseases tend to linger until they either kill you or a cure is found to kill them. My depression is going nowhere. It sits beside me everyday when I drive to work, sit at my desk, drive home, and when I go to bed at night. Depression is an unwanted roommate. My wife´s not fond of my roommate. She tells me to get rid of it, but I just can´t.
Take medication you say? I do. Everyday I pop two pretty pills into my mouth and my partner walks out the door behind me. It follows me, reluctant to let me go to work. As much as I want to work my buddy insists on making me miserable. I´m not much help I guess. I don´t fight it any longer. Depression has been allowed to capitalize itself in my life, no longer just depression, now DEPRESSION. I want to see a psychiatrist, but I don´t have a great insurance plan, so I let my family doctor give me pills hoping that someday he won´t say, "Get rid of it on your own buddy, you´ve just got the blues." I´m thankful that he hasn´t taken that attitude, yet.
No, I´m not the kind of guy who´s going out and blow my head off because my little roommate won´t leave me alone. I still have some morals and values left in this old mind of mine. Family values saw to that, amazing what family values can do. Don´t get me wrong there are times death seems more welcoming and comforting than life in the raw. I can´t do it. My roommate says I´m a coward, but I close my ears to its nagging voice.
How do I escape this guy named depression? I write. I write stories and keep him as one of the main characters. I think he enjoys the attention and notoriety. I figure if I keep him busy with a murder plot or love plot he´ll leave me alone. Sometimes, like today, I use him as an article topic so he can really get his kicks off. Soon I´ll be done with this little masterpiece and he´ll try to creep back beside me. I´ll let him, but soon it will be bedtime. He leaves me while I sleep. I guess that´s why I sleep so much and so often.
If anyone out there has a little friend like mine talk to me. Sometimes it helps to talk to someone with the same friends. Just for a little while if you talk about him to another victim, he gets all honked off and leaves for a few hours. I´m finished now so come on buddy let´s go down and have dinner together.
Take medication you say? I do. Everyday I pop two pretty pills into my mouth and my partner walks out the door behind me. It follows me, reluctant to let me go to work. As much as I want to work my buddy insists on making me miserable. I´m not much help I guess. I don´t fight it any longer. Depression has been allowed to capitalize itself in my life, no longer just depression, now DEPRESSION. I want to see a psychiatrist, but I don´t have a great insurance plan, so I let my family doctor give me pills hoping that someday he won´t say, "Get rid of it on your own buddy, you´ve just got the blues." I´m thankful that he hasn´t taken that attitude, yet.
No, I´m not the kind of guy who´s going out and blow my head off because my little roommate won´t leave me alone. I still have some morals and values left in this old mind of mine. Family values saw to that, amazing what family values can do. Don´t get me wrong there are times death seems more welcoming and comforting than life in the raw. I can´t do it. My roommate says I´m a coward, but I close my ears to its nagging voice.
How do I escape this guy named depression? I write. I write stories and keep him as one of the main characters. I think he enjoys the attention and notoriety. I figure if I keep him busy with a murder plot or love plot he´ll leave me alone. Sometimes, like today, I use him as an article topic so he can really get his kicks off. Soon I´ll be done with this little masterpiece and he´ll try to creep back beside me. I´ll let him, but soon it will be bedtime. He leaves me while I sleep. I guess that´s why I sleep so much and so often.
If anyone out there has a little friend like mine talk to me. Sometimes it helps to talk to someone with the same friends. Just for a little while if you talk about him to another victim, he gets all honked off and leaves for a few hours. I´m finished now so come on buddy let´s go down and have dinner together.
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