The Resounding Thud Heard When the San Diego Padres Hit Bottom

The San Diego Padres have bottomed out. Could it get any worse? Probably not after losing their 18th of the last 22 games last night to the visiting Colorado Rockies while pitching their ace, Jake Peavy. The sports radio ´talking heads´ pontificate on all sorts of reasons for this resounding flop - start to the new season. (But don´t they always – and aren´t they nearly always wrong?)

Early on the Padres were picked by many to finish at the top of their division, the National League West, ahead of such teams as the LA Dodgers and especially those pesky Colorado Rockies who ousted San Diego last year in the last game of the season. The reason given was San Diego´s pitching staff being rated as one of the best in baseball. Not so this year. And not all their fault either.

The fact is that no matter how good your pitching, if your batters can´t hit a baseball you lose. Simple as that. Under such trying conditions on the field of strife, pitchers overdo it trying to strike opposing batters out knowing they won´t be getting much run support from their own feeble hitters. A single here and there, followed by "strike three" looking is the norm for the forlorn Padres of ´08. Base running blunderers, pop fly swatters, and single hitters don´t win a lot of games in baseball today. Never did.

John Moores is a fine baseball team owner. He has been generous over time in attempting to bring a championship to San Diego. Having invested millions of dollars in players and a new ball park, he must be plenty peeved at the performance of his ´boys of spring´ this spring!

Imagine, if you will, me interviewing him - asking the hard questions. Here´s what he might say:

"I'm John Moores and I'm perplexed. Two seasons ago, Sandy Alderson told me the reason our hitting was weaker than the US dollar has been under George W. Bush was because our batting coach, Dave Magadan, was incompetent. Well, I gave Alderson the OK to ´86´ Dave only to watch us get swept in the 1st round of the playoffs by St. Louis. Boston hired Mr. Magadan, and he was competent enough to be the batting coach of the 2007 World Champs.

I'm John Moores and I'm confused. Last season, Alderson told me that the reason our hitting was still lighter than Liberace was in the loafers, and why we got swept once again in the damned 1st round of the playoffs by those gol darned Cardinals, was because our manager, Bruce Bochy, was incompetent. Well, I gave Alderson the green light to let Bruce seek other opportunities, and to hire a pitching coach, Bud Black, as manager. Buddy Boy guided us to a 3rd place finish last year, and our top pitchers, Peavy and Hoffman, fell apart down the stretch worse than the US economy has fallen under George W. Bush.

I'm John Moores and I'm awful mad. That sandbagger, Alderson, told me we needed to import a Japanese player to upgrade at 2B, and to get Jim Edmonds from St. Louis to upgrade the CF position offensively. Well, that diminutive fella from the Far East can´t hit his way out of a rice bowl, and Edmonds' youth deprived body has broken down more than George W. Bush's Iraq strategy. Attendance is down and that is losing me money which my wife hates. Brian Giles, who I'm paying $10 million a year while he is again swinging a bat like it is a wet noodle, is miffed that we cut loose his little brother who could neither hit nor play 2nd base.

We're in last place, our offense is weaker than Bush's favorability ratings, and we're trailing behind Arizona worse than Clinton is Obama. I'm just waiting for that weasel Alderson to tell me the reason we stink now is because Kevin Towers is incompetent. I'll give him an hour to pack his shoe laces and go back to working for Bud Selig."

That´s what John Moores might say to me or anyone willing to listen – and that´s the clean version!

(Thanks to my brother, Donald, for his assistance, however meager, in writing this. God bless him; he tries.)