CHAPTER 6: Ms Kitty Kitty Kitty Visits the White House

(Don´t Ask Me – I Only Write ´Em!)

The saga of Ms Kitty Kitty Kitty continues. You´ll remember in Chapters 1 through 5 I told you about my cute little black cat getting ´accidentally´ elected to Congress and the trials and tribulations of that happenstance. She took it all in stride and even managed to thrive in the halls of Congress where she became a ´celebrity´ of sorts. Her adventure would not have been complete without a visit to see the President at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue.

The invitation arrived quite unexpectedly. She was, after all, an ´Independent´ Congresscat. However, in these times of ´every vote counts´ she was courted throughout Washington. (Nancy had her over for dinner several times. Both Hillary and Barack couldn´t pay enough attention to this new Super Delegate.)

The formal invite was straight from the desk of the President - you could tell that immediately. He misspelled feline; called her a felon – a sure sign GW had personally written the note.

The President´s staff has been under much pressure lately and prone to making mistakes. Inadvertently, Ms Kitty was invited to the White House on the same day as the Pope. I´m sure this was not intended though I had said that Ms Kitty had converted to a Catholic after the Persian father incident so as to confirm that she was not a Muslim. Not that there is anything wrong with Muslims - I know several although I couldn´t go so far as say they are my friends. Something about the Popes vs. Muslims carryover thingy, I guess.

Anyway, the day came and Ms Kitty was escorted to the White House in high fashion. It would have been a nice gesture if this was intentional. But, it seems the honor guard was meant for the Pope and not the cat. Someone screwed up and the Pope - mobile became the Cat - mobile. That was funny, I have to admit, as that big white bullet proof contraption proceeded down Pennsylvania Avenue without the Pope but with the inimitable Ms Kitty instead riding high on the papal throne surrounded by much attention. Thousands thronged the street to get a glimpse of The Holy See. There was considerable head scratching as the vehicle rolled by. "No Pope? Who´s that cat?"

By the time the mistake was recognized and the vehicle was sent back to pick up the Pope, all the people had left the route and the Pope - mobile proceeded along a now deserted street. Talk about inquisitive looks - that Pope fella was pretty puzzled that no one had come out to see him. "Must be all those priests I covered for," he thought at first. Then there were those black hairs on his immaculate white Pope outfit which stuck there all day.

I would have hated to have been the person who made that mistake. (I heard through the grapevine from a fairly reliable source that the Vice President did it. I think he´s a staunch Baptist?)

Upon arrival of the motorcade at the White House, the Marine Band, ´The President´s Own´, struck up a lively tune and when GW came down the steps to greet the Pope? - there was no Pope to greet. GW grinned that GW grin and ´strategicised´ right away. He simply escorted Ms Kitty up the walk and into the White House without as much as a missed step. The Marine Band had adroitly switched songs by then and was now playing "What´s Up, Pussycat?" (Some say they saw the Vice President peering out an upstairs window laughing, but I could not confirm that.)

As they entered the White House West Wing, there was a helluva dustup! The President´s Scottish Terrier, First Dog Barney, had arrived to greet the Pope also, but was instead confronted by a non - dog - loving Ms Kitty. Now, Ms Kitty appears to be a genteel cat and one would never view her as a fighter, but when it comes to dogs she is no pussycat. Dogs were her favorite to claw on - she often had used them as her personal scratch pads.

This was one of those times. Poor little Barney didn´t have a chance. Ms Kitty gave him the ´what´s up´ and as for that famous Barney - cam, she put it where the sun doesn´t shine. Sorta gave Old Barn´ a homemade colonoscopy you might say. Not pretty.

Jim Croce once sang about a ´playa´ named Leroy Brown having an altercation over a married woman. It seems, according to the song, that Ol´ Leroy didn´t fare too well as in the end he was "looking like a jigsaw puzzle with a couple of pieces gone!" Same with Barney, I´m afraid to say. Again, not pretty.

Luckily, the Pope arrived shortly thereafter and gave the last rights to Barney – but Barney is a pretty tough Scotsman and recovered - albeit slowly and painfully - from his cat meeting; they say Barney wore kilts for weeks to cover his bandages.

The rest of Ms Kitty´s White House visit was uneventful. She did attend the formal dinner enjoying her favorite, chicken with tuna in gravy - prime fillets - by Friskies only, please. She once scratched at the Pope´s garb, but I think she meant no harm and was only apologizing to him for the morning misunderstanding. The Pope does like cats and was pleased when he was told she was a good Catholic. Even blessed her although he did so hesitantly. I´m sure he thought "Geez, these crazy Americans - cats in Congress and all." (Ms Kitty wasn´t crazy about all that water flying about - holy or not!)

So the saga continues. Be sure to read up on Chapters 1 thru 5 here on American Chronicle and the other Chronicle magazines to catch up on the background story of this incredible happening. You´ll be glad you did. See you again in Chapter 7?