What Does Being Single Have to do With Being A Mother?

A few months ago, while attending a book club meeting some of the women in my family organized, I was pulled into an in-depth discussion about the title, "single mother." My cousin, we´ll call her Anna, was up in arms about being called a single mother, even though technically she would be defined as one.

"What does my marital status have to do with being a mother?" She just wanted to be called a "mother," yet, when I first heard this from her; a slight frown furrowed my brow.

I was thinking to myself, what in the world is wrong with her? Didn´t she know that being called mother was just as generic as being called human? The title, "single mother" implicated a different type of walk of life, with unique struggles to those of married mothers; that though neither being single nor being a mother defined us as women, it gave people a glimmer of insight into our character and the routine of our daily lives.

She wanted simply to be called a mother – and she is one – so who am I to argue about the adjective she removes from her title? I did attempt to share my views on the matter as graciously as I could – after all, I did have an opinion, and she is family.

After writing, Raise the Red Teddy: A Single Mother´s Guide to Dating, I played back Anna´s thought on "single mother" again. Once I played devil´s advocate in my head and enlisted some logic of my own, I reluctantly began to see her point. What did being single have to do with motherhood?

Okay, I´m not in denial about the fact that for most mothers, the difference in marital status greatly affects the experiences of motherhood. I don´t sway on this point. My latest question is: but whose business is it? Surly we don´t refer to mothers who are married as "married mothers" – so why should our business get blasted? Is it a subconscious attempt to evoke sympathy? Criticism? Is it a way to gloat our strength? Maybe it´s some strange exotic cocktail of reasons, but either way, I believe we should bring this subconscious thought to the front of our minds to speak consciously.

And will I refer to single mothers in the future? Come on, you know I will! I have a book to promote, but at least it is now in front of me as a conscious reference, so that when I do stop referring to myself as one, it is beyond making a statement and simply principle and truth.