Rednecks at the U.N.

As more and more facts drizzle in about the role of Kofi Annan in the U.N. Oil for Food Program scandal, it has become obvious the cesspool needs draining. President Bush has called for John Bolton to do the plumbing. His reputation is that he is no-nonsense and has good instincts about the U.N. One of his better instincts was voiced several years ago when he stated that the U.N. has thirty-eight stories, but if it lost ten of them, it wouldn’t make a bit of difference.

While the team headed by Paul Volcker has not produced any real results, it could be that he has been compromised by having been appointed by Kofi Annan, who has been anything but forthcoming and cooperative. From other sources, we learn that Kofi’s son, Kojo, was hired by a company that benefited from his presence in that company in getting a contract from the U.N., and some nepotism occurred in this hiring, although Kofi professed not to know anything about it. Kojo is not talking at all, and so far we seem to have little legal power to make him do so. In fact, the U.S. has only whatever power the U.N. is prepared to give. Bolton, as good as we could probably ever get, will never be able to effect significant change in this bloated entity, as the U.N. as a whole is not accountable to anyone. The only leverage we have is to withhold our dues. Even the suggestion brings outraged howls from the left.

Most Americans aren’t hopeful that Bolton will be able to clear out the recipients of the Oil for Food money. Not many connected with the scandal have even been named, and few have been sanctioned in any way. Many millions of Americans would like to see the U.N. clear out of the country. They envision an eviction. It would be only fitting for such an eviction notice to come from those who display the most patriotism and have the most backbone and common sense. That would be the delegation of Buford and the boys. It would go something like this:

Kofi, buddy, we’re here to tell ya to clear outta this place. You guys have been here a long time. You‘ve been mixin’ it up, couldn’t get along, took bribes, gave payoffs, grabbed for power and spent our money like drunken sailors, and it’s gotta stop. That’s what we have our congress for. No need to pay for the same thing twice. The place needs cleanin’ up, and you want us to redecorate, want us to pay for it. Not gonna happen.

You been insultin’ the landlord and actin’ like you was better’n the neighbors. Didn’t your momma teach you no manners? You need to study up on how you can become a good one of those citizens of the world. If you are gonna stay around these parts, you need to speak better English. Don’t know if you’re speakin’ the Queen’s or the King’s English, but it sure ain’t the Duke's. I hate to bring this up, but, Kofi, lots of money is missin‘, too. Heckfire, Kofi, seems like you and the kid was stealin’ us blind.

This is a pretty nice little piece of property, sittin’ on some good land. It’s worth a lot of money. You guys have let it go to pot, let the termites in, run around in those big rigs that pollute the air, took up parkin’ spaces and didn’t pay for ‘em, and clogged up the streets. Some of your guys who wear those funny lookin’ blue caps was perverts. We don’t cotton to that kind around here.

Now, this bein’ a capitalist (oops, pick him up, fellas, I think he fainted), country, we could get a lot of money for rent. One big capitalist (hold on, boys, there he goes again) called Trump would probably love to rent or buy this place. Now, I know you don’t like this way of govmint, but cap….er, the big C is the way we do it here, and you sure do like it when we send the money over.

Findin’ a place for you guys shouldn’t be too hard. There’s pretty much the whole rest of the world. That nice little island of Haiti has a lot of property at a real cheap price. Then there’s Zimbabwe. You could probably get one of those farms the govmint has chased the white settlers from, for dirt cheap. You already know the guy that runs the place and he would cut you a deal, seein’ as how thick you guys are. Your good bud, Jacky Chiracky, even would maybe put you up for a spell.

Our guns? Yeah, we know you don’t like guns, and we don’t appreciate you and your bunkmates tryin’ to take ‘em away from us. Not to worry, though, these here are just for a little game shootin‘, so’s our womenfolks can whomp up a mess of possum stew later on. Just so’s you know there’s no hard feelings, y’all can come on over and have some grub with us. After supper we can get out the geetars and you can sing along with us. Do you know ‘God Bless The USA‘? Kofi?………. Kofi?”