How to Communicate with Difficult People and Backstabbers by Marsha Petrie Sue Communications Expert
Marsha Petrie Sue
March 06, 2008
I was watching Ohio University students and a moderator recap the election results. One student said that watching only the news is very dangerous ground because it can be slanted one way or the other. Then another student chimed in and said it was also deceiving to only rely on your own perception because of the role modeling and events that have happened to us as individuals. I believe personal responsibility is the key to growing mentally and eliminating the deception of one sided learning and thinking!
This reminds me of how we handle difficult people. Perception creates our judgment and judgment creates action. Say for example you have to deal with a Backstabber kind of Toxic Person. Your history with having them nail you creates a perception of the ugly outcome that will happen. Then your judgment kicks in and says, "See you don't know how to handle this person. You are going to get nailed again!" So subconsciously, you decide to either be ticked off or retreat. Neither of these is a good decision, so you deceive yourself by not taking a new approach.
The side effect? Stress! According to the American Psychological Association, one-third of Americans live with extreme stress and 48 percent believe their stress has increased over the past five. Don´t allow these difficult people to be part of your stress equation.
The key? Train yourself to use other approaches. For example, learn to have a different response to their ugly backstabber behavior by saying something such as, "That did sound like you were serious. Do the rest of you feel that way? Is this becoming a problem?" This will call the behavior of the backstabber. Or try, "I understand you´re unhappy with the plan. Your feedback is important. I want to hear what you think." If you choose (and it is your choice) to over learn specific sentences, your stress will be at bay, your perception will be realistic, and the dangerous ground will be paved with success.
When making decisions by gathering information, as the Ohio students did, learn to ask great questions and keep digging. Use the fogging technique by saying, "You may be right. Could you please help me understand where you are coming from?" The next step is to learn how to listen, without judgment, to their response.
Here is the problem. Most people are too lazy to change their skills and they don't care about the dangerous ground so difficult behavior and toxic people continue to ruin their day! They remain stressed. What will you change to grow your perception and change your outcomes?
Cheers, Marsha
This reminds me of how we handle difficult people. Perception creates our judgment and judgment creates action. Say for example you have to deal with a Backstabber kind of Toxic Person. Your history with having them nail you creates a perception of the ugly outcome that will happen. Then your judgment kicks in and says, "See you don't know how to handle this person. You are going to get nailed again!" So subconsciously, you decide to either be ticked off or retreat. Neither of these is a good decision, so you deceive yourself by not taking a new approach.
The side effect? Stress! According to the American Psychological Association, one-third of Americans live with extreme stress and 48 percent believe their stress has increased over the past five. Don´t allow these difficult people to be part of your stress equation.
The key? Train yourself to use other approaches. For example, learn to have a different response to their ugly backstabber behavior by saying something such as, "That did sound like you were serious. Do the rest of you feel that way? Is this becoming a problem?" This will call the behavior of the backstabber. Or try, "I understand you´re unhappy with the plan. Your feedback is important. I want to hear what you think." If you choose (and it is your choice) to over learn specific sentences, your stress will be at bay, your perception will be realistic, and the dangerous ground will be paved with success.
When making decisions by gathering information, as the Ohio students did, learn to ask great questions and keep digging. Use the fogging technique by saying, "You may be right. Could you please help me understand where you are coming from?" The next step is to learn how to listen, without judgment, to their response.
Here is the problem. Most people are too lazy to change their skills and they don't care about the dangerous ground so difficult behavior and toxic people continue to ruin their day! They remain stressed. What will you change to grow your perception and change your outcomes?
Cheers, Marsha
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