Self Critical? Overcome Treating Yourself Too Harshly

Do you fixate on the extra five pounds you need to lose, unable to take even the most sincere compliment because of it? Do you berate yourself because you bought your child´s birthday cake instead of baking it yourself? Perhaps you can´t lift as much weight at the gym as you once did?

These are all examples of criticisms that we subject ourselves to on a daily basis. This negative self talk comes from us – not others.

"Most of us are our own worst critics; but it doesn´t have to be that way," says Hale Dwoskin, CEO and Director of Training at Sedona Training Associates.

Everywhere you go in life, there are expectations: goals to be met, standards to be upheld, and levels to be reached.

While it´s normal, and even admirable, to strive for the best, when you can´t accept yourself as you are,  you´re setting yourself up for emotional disaster.

A recent study by psychologists at Curtin University of Technology in Australia found that people who engage in "all or nothing" thinking (such as believing you are either in control or out of control) were at a greater risk of becoming extreme perfectionists. Health problems caused by such thinking include everything from depression to suicidal thinking and eating disorders.

So, the more you stick to absolutes, such as "If I´m not the wealthiest person in my neighborhood I´m useless," the more at risk -- mentally and physically -- you are.

How to Accept Yourself, No Matter What

You owe it to yourself to be your greatest fan -- not your greatest enemy. So how do you stop those nagging, self-sabotaging thoughts that run through your mind?

"The best way to stop them is to recognize that no self criticism is true -- no matter how convincing it is," Dwoskin says. "Self criticism is always based on a feeling from the past, but since it´s not true you don´t have to believe it -- and you can let it go."

You can let go of negative, self-critical feelings just like you can let go of a pencil; once you learn The Sedona Method -- a tool to release negative emotions that are holding you back from true happiness.

"The best way to do this is to simply ask yourself, ´Could I let go of wanting to criticize myself?´ Then choose to drop it," Dwoskin says.

"If you want to stretch even further," he continues, "you can give yourself some approval for no reason whatsoever."

Let´s try this. Instead of putting yourself down for your bald spot, congratulate yourself for your perfect smile, your ability to talk to anyone, or your professional-league golf swing. Now, which feels better?

Of course, complimenting yourself is always more enjoyable than criticism. Switching your negative thoughts to positive ones is something you can do everyday, in every moment.

"It´s helpful to develop the habit of finding things about yourself that you love, appreciate and accept," Dwoskin says. "Since the mind likes to have something to do, it´s very helpful to give it something positive to look for rather than looking for the negative as it usually does."