Bush´s economic incentive: Give a man a fish and soon he´ll be hitting you up for tarter sauce
Dan Brawner
January 29, 2008
The ancient Chinese philosopher Lau Tzu once said, "Give a man a fish, you feed him for a day, teach him to fish and you feed him for a lifetime." The venerated Lau Tzu is considered ancient, not only because he lived in the 4th Century BC, a contemporary of Confucius, but because, according to legend, he was born at the age of 62, complete with a full white beard, an event that must have made his mother rather philosophical herself.
So by the time Lau Tzu uttered his famous comment about fishing, he was probably pretty old and wise. And if he were around today and heard about Bush´s desperate "economic incentive" of giving everybody $600, Lau Tzu might come up with an entirely new comment about fishing.
But who knows? Maybe it will work. The art of economics is so shrouded in mystery it ought to be taught along side other such academic disciplines as palm reading and communication with the dead. The fortune-telling comments of Federal Reserve Chairman, Ben Bernanke should appear in the Farmer´s Almanac, next to weather predictions based on the fatness of woolly caterpillars. In any case, I´m sure the various manufacturers working today in Lau Tzu´s ancestral homeland will be gratified to hear they can look forward to getting 600 bucks from every American consumer. That´s got to be good for the economy. Somebody´s economy, anyway.
Meanwhile, back in Iowa, legislators are trying to figure out how they can all nurse on a new bottle bill. The 30-year-old version allows a mere five-cent deposit on certain pop and liquor containers, providing only a penny handling fee. One proposal is to double the distributors´ handling fee without raising costs to consumers. But you can get only so much out of an empty can. Gov. Chet Culver suggests doubling the deposit to ten cents, two cents of which would go to handling fees. In other words, a 20 percent additional tax on consumers.
In these times of impending economic doom, it may be perilous to try to squeeze a few more drops out of already overtaxed consumers for their precious Mountain Dew and Squirt. So, in light of the character of what is sure to be the new service economy, let me suggest to Mr. Culver that we double the container deposit. But, instead of having those messy cans and bottles handled by distributors, this could be performed by our new class of homeless people. By this, I mean those folks who are struggling to pay off their expensive sub-prime mortgages and crushing credit card debt, now living under bridges and skulking around brokerage houses for spare change and stock tips. These are not bums and winos, but highly trained, can-do individuals who will not rest until every can tossed into every ditch is collected, deposited and earning 7 percent compound interest. In no time at all the country will be back on its feet again. There might even be time left over to get in a little fishing.
So by the time Lau Tzu uttered his famous comment about fishing, he was probably pretty old and wise. And if he were around today and heard about Bush´s desperate "economic incentive" of giving everybody $600, Lau Tzu might come up with an entirely new comment about fishing.
But who knows? Maybe it will work. The art of economics is so shrouded in mystery it ought to be taught along side other such academic disciplines as palm reading and communication with the dead. The fortune-telling comments of Federal Reserve Chairman, Ben Bernanke should appear in the Farmer´s Almanac, next to weather predictions based on the fatness of woolly caterpillars. In any case, I´m sure the various manufacturers working today in Lau Tzu´s ancestral homeland will be gratified to hear they can look forward to getting 600 bucks from every American consumer. That´s got to be good for the economy. Somebody´s economy, anyway.
Meanwhile, back in Iowa, legislators are trying to figure out how they can all nurse on a new bottle bill. The 30-year-old version allows a mere five-cent deposit on certain pop and liquor containers, providing only a penny handling fee. One proposal is to double the distributors´ handling fee without raising costs to consumers. But you can get only so much out of an empty can. Gov. Chet Culver suggests doubling the deposit to ten cents, two cents of which would go to handling fees. In other words, a 20 percent additional tax on consumers.
In these times of impending economic doom, it may be perilous to try to squeeze a few more drops out of already overtaxed consumers for their precious Mountain Dew and Squirt. So, in light of the character of what is sure to be the new service economy, let me suggest to Mr. Culver that we double the container deposit. But, instead of having those messy cans and bottles handled by distributors, this could be performed by our new class of homeless people. By this, I mean those folks who are struggling to pay off their expensive sub-prime mortgages and crushing credit card debt, now living under bridges and skulking around brokerage houses for spare change and stock tips. These are not bums and winos, but highly trained, can-do individuals who will not rest until every can tossed into every ditch is collected, deposited and earning 7 percent compound interest. In no time at all the country will be back on its feet again. There might even be time left over to get in a little fishing.
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