Presidential candidates advertise as footwear: if the shoe fits...
Dan Brawner
October 30, 2007
Last September, after an outrageous incident of corporate pandering, not to mention conflict of interest in which the University of Iowa actually considered naming its College of Public Health for Wellmark Blue Cross and Blue Shield in exchange for $15 million, the university is now considering a ban on such naming. This speaks well for the U of I's good sense and integrity. But, during this presidential campaign year in which candidates are desperately looking for a place to put their millions in exchange for name recognition, somebody is bound to pick up where Iowa left off. And what better vehicle for someone running for office than having a shoe with their name on it?
For example:
The Hillary Flip Flops. These are casual, though expensive shoes. They are perfect for Arkansas but look out of place in New York. Market tests show many people hate them, but intend to buy them anyway.
The Fred Thompson loafers. These remarkable shoes can do anything and are ideal for doing absolutely nothing. The comfy casuals appear to be totally worn out, but if you turn them inside out, they become shiny dress shoes. Whereas the Fred Thompsons are technically fair weather footwear, the toes are waterproof, allowing the owner to test for rain before venturing outside.
The Giulianis. These imitation combat boots are a high-fashion bargain. They look tough, but are constructed of flimsy materials. Guaranteed to hurt your feet, the Giulianis are too tight and are basically all heel and tongue.
The Huckabee is a niche market favorite. This homey wing-tip is priced right and has been re-souled.
The Omaba is a great for that Ivy League look. It is well constructed and shows no wear whatsoever. Shoppers say they love the silver tongue but find it odd that it doesn't match the leather.
The Dennis Kucinich is a kind of theoretical shoe. It fits perfectly. Many agree it is what they've always wanted. But no store will carry it. Also, the Kucinich is invisible and does not actually touch the ground.
The John McCain was a sensible shoe in its day. But most customers now shy away from this overly aggressive style. A last season sell-out, the McCain is available only in red, white and blew-it.
The John Edwards is a slick understatement. Advertised as clod hoppers, these pricy shoes were born in the boardroom and command respect wherever they go. The John Edwards is impressive. But who's going to pay $400 for them?
The Tancredo sounds like an expensive foreign import. Many mistake it for Ferragamos. But this all-American shoe stomps foreign competition in the dirt. Despite its imperialistic advertising, nobody is buying the Tancredo this year. The company has recently announced it is no longer a running shoe.
The Mitt is an odd shoe. It looks like a baseball glove. The laces are too tight and most customers don't know how to put it on. But for the right person, the Mitt is a must-have. Left shoe, not available.
For example:
The Hillary Flip Flops. These are casual, though expensive shoes. They are perfect for Arkansas but look out of place in New York. Market tests show many people hate them, but intend to buy them anyway.
The Fred Thompson loafers. These remarkable shoes can do anything and are ideal for doing absolutely nothing. The comfy casuals appear to be totally worn out, but if you turn them inside out, they become shiny dress shoes. Whereas the Fred Thompsons are technically fair weather footwear, the toes are waterproof, allowing the owner to test for rain before venturing outside.
The Giulianis. These imitation combat boots are a high-fashion bargain. They look tough, but are constructed of flimsy materials. Guaranteed to hurt your feet, the Giulianis are too tight and are basically all heel and tongue.
The Huckabee is a niche market favorite. This homey wing-tip is priced right and has been re-souled.
The Omaba is a great for that Ivy League look. It is well constructed and shows no wear whatsoever. Shoppers say they love the silver tongue but find it odd that it doesn't match the leather.
The Dennis Kucinich is a kind of theoretical shoe. It fits perfectly. Many agree it is what they've always wanted. But no store will carry it. Also, the Kucinich is invisible and does not actually touch the ground.
The John McCain was a sensible shoe in its day. But most customers now shy away from this overly aggressive style. A last season sell-out, the McCain is available only in red, white and blew-it.
The John Edwards is a slick understatement. Advertised as clod hoppers, these pricy shoes were born in the boardroom and command respect wherever they go. The John Edwards is impressive. But who's going to pay $400 for them?
The Tancredo sounds like an expensive foreign import. Many mistake it for Ferragamos. But this all-American shoe stomps foreign competition in the dirt. Despite its imperialistic advertising, nobody is buying the Tancredo this year. The company has recently announced it is no longer a running shoe.
The Mitt is an odd shoe. It looks like a baseball glove. The laces are too tight and most customers don't know how to put it on. But for the right person, the Mitt is a must-have. Left shoe, not available.
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