Elvis Was A Hero To Most
Jonas Holmes
October 22, 2007
For years and years a group of individuals has been severely mistreated. Through miseducation, ignorance and well...only God knows; Elvis Impersonators around the world have been seriously maligned. Sure, there is steady work for a Good Elvis Impersonator. Heck, everyone loves to see The King. I mean who in there right mind doesn't have Elvis as a bonified Hero. Unfortunately, this long and perhaps improperly maligned group of Elvis Impersonators are about to be out of a job. Yes, soon it will be the Great Depression of EI (Elvis Impersontors). Before you become to remorseful and empathetic bear in mind that the EI wouldn't have it any other way. That is for one reason. The King is Back.
Yes, the king is back. He is back in the form of a clone. Actually, it is two clones. Yes, the kings' DNA has been preserved and blended with two separate animals. The first clone the King has been intercloned with is the Donkey or Ass. The second clone King or King Clone has been intercloned with an elephant. It is wonderful because the King was a little bit country and a little bit “rock n roll”. Now the kings fans can tune into whatever King they like best.
Real King fans can actually become King clones. Right now for only $19.95 you can receive your King Clone DNA kit. Get this kit and no longer will you have to bow down at your friends falsetto impression of Blue Suede Shoes (what could be worse than that?). Nor do you have to meekly whimper when your spouse tells you, “You ain't nothin' but a hounddog!”, in perfect C Notes. With your new and improved Elvis DNA serum you will receive custom made Elvis hair gel guaranteed to give you that moist, high profile, Gumby look.
WARNING: IN ORDER NOT TO BE FAT AND GASEOUS, ALL CUSTOMERS MUST UPGRADE TO MILITARY ELVIS. MILITARY ELVIS DNA GUARANTEES FIGHTER PILOT SKILLS AND RAMPANT DRUG BINGES WITH LOW RECOVERY TIMES. MILITARY ELVIS DNA IS AN EXTRA $12.95. THE POSSIBILITY OF IMMEDIATE EXPIRATION EXISTS FOR ALL ELVIS DNA MODELS. ALL ELVIS DNA MODELS ARE GUARANTEED DELIVERED ALIVE. FEEDING AND CARING FOR YOUR ELVIS IS ESSENTIAL FOR GROWTH. AND DEVELOPMENT.
Caring Instructions: Do not feed your Elvis anything but Oatmeal and warm Porridge. Once a yearly quarter your Elvis may receive some cinnamon on its porridge. Feed your Elvis lots of light from the TV. Do not be surprised if your Elvis begins to feed itself and watch TV on its own. This is a sign of a healthy Elvis.
CAUTION! DO NOT EXPOSE YOUR ELVIS TO HIP HOP MUSIC. EXPOSURE TO HIP HOP MUSIC MAY CREATE AN EXTREME DESIRE IN YOUR ELVIS FOR FOIS GRAS~!
Whats in your Elvis Kit?
You will receive a visit from the Donkey or Elephant Elvis of your choice.
You will be allowed to take a slice of ass from either Elvis.
You will be provided a free petri dish and Bunson Burner to clone your own Elvis.
Once your Elvis has matured he will received a visit from an “original stock Elvis” who will teach him “The Price is Right Dance”. Waterboard provided.
100% Money Back Guarantee if an “original stock Elvis” does not continue to visit your Elvis throughout its life.
Act now and you will receive free American Flag toothpicks. They are great for cupcakes and parties.
Don't get left behind. You too can become Elvis now!!!
elvis mcgrundle dna is not to be confused with any other elvis. on occasion, due to severe probabilities and capabilities; the use and utilization of elvis mcgrundle dna may cause cancer, liposuction and areola mitosis. Please consult your physician if currently using john wayne dna. Using elvis mcgundle dna in conjuction with john wayne dna may cause severe diarrhea and conjunctivitis.*
Yes, the king is back. He is back in the form of a clone. Actually, it is two clones. Yes, the kings' DNA has been preserved and blended with two separate animals. The first clone the King has been intercloned with is the Donkey or Ass. The second clone King or King Clone has been intercloned with an elephant. It is wonderful because the King was a little bit country and a little bit “rock n roll”. Now the kings fans can tune into whatever King they like best.
Real King fans can actually become King clones. Right now for only $19.95 you can receive your King Clone DNA kit. Get this kit and no longer will you have to bow down at your friends falsetto impression of Blue Suede Shoes (what could be worse than that?). Nor do you have to meekly whimper when your spouse tells you, “You ain't nothin' but a hounddog!”, in perfect C Notes. With your new and improved Elvis DNA serum you will receive custom made Elvis hair gel guaranteed to give you that moist, high profile, Gumby look.
WARNING: IN ORDER NOT TO BE FAT AND GASEOUS, ALL CUSTOMERS MUST UPGRADE TO MILITARY ELVIS. MILITARY ELVIS DNA GUARANTEES FIGHTER PILOT SKILLS AND RAMPANT DRUG BINGES WITH LOW RECOVERY TIMES. MILITARY ELVIS DNA IS AN EXTRA $12.95. THE POSSIBILITY OF IMMEDIATE EXPIRATION EXISTS FOR ALL ELVIS DNA MODELS. ALL ELVIS DNA MODELS ARE GUARANTEED DELIVERED ALIVE. FEEDING AND CARING FOR YOUR ELVIS IS ESSENTIAL FOR GROWTH. AND DEVELOPMENT.
Caring Instructions: Do not feed your Elvis anything but Oatmeal and warm Porridge. Once a yearly quarter your Elvis may receive some cinnamon on its porridge. Feed your Elvis lots of light from the TV. Do not be surprised if your Elvis begins to feed itself and watch TV on its own. This is a sign of a healthy Elvis.
CAUTION! DO NOT EXPOSE YOUR ELVIS TO HIP HOP MUSIC. EXPOSURE TO HIP HOP MUSIC MAY CREATE AN EXTREME DESIRE IN YOUR ELVIS FOR FOIS GRAS~!
Whats in your Elvis Kit?
You will receive a visit from the Donkey or Elephant Elvis of your choice.
You will be allowed to take a slice of ass from either Elvis.
You will be provided a free petri dish and Bunson Burner to clone your own Elvis.
Once your Elvis has matured he will received a visit from an “original stock Elvis” who will teach him “The Price is Right Dance”. Waterboard provided.
100% Money Back Guarantee if an “original stock Elvis” does not continue to visit your Elvis throughout its life.
Act now and you will receive free American Flag toothpicks. They are great for cupcakes and parties.
Don't get left behind. You too can become Elvis now!!!
elvis mcgrundle dna is not to be confused with any other elvis. on occasion, due to severe probabilities and capabilities; the use and utilization of elvis mcgrundle dna may cause cancer, liposuction and areola mitosis. Please consult your physician if currently using john wayne dna. Using elvis mcgundle dna in conjuction with john wayne dna may cause severe diarrhea and conjunctivitis.*
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