Kama Sutra Slides. Imagine That! Continuing Studies In PowerPoint Presentations
Frank A. Hilario
October 14, 2007
If you have never made love, you´re welcome here – you may, however, fail to appreciate the subtleties of the fine art of making a PowerPoint presentation, or of making love. What you will see is our one-night stand. If you´re thinking of your one-night-stand (or of Chuck & Larry), you´re not thinking of love: rather, you´re thinking of consenting adults and the convenience of experience, not the experience of the beauty of it all. Love is beautiful if you can get it, and you get only if you give. Love, it´s not more blessed to give: it´s necessary.
The love story in (not on) the table you see (below) in two columns actually happened today as I finished writing this morning (October 13, Saturday) – I know because my friend and I made it, overnight. A love story made between two males.
I met my friend Jose Rizal, yesterday in the City of Calamba, his hometown. To hide my friend´s identity, why did I choose that of the national hero of the Philippines? Love. Because he is known to have been a good-time-boy, as in playboy; but I know in my heart he was loved by pretty ladies, even rich ones – Segunda Katigbak, Leonor Valenzuela, Leonor Rivera, Consuelo Ortega y Rey, O Sei San, Gertrude Beckett, Nellie Boustead, Suzanne Jacoby, Josephine Bracken, as they ´might have been beguiled by his intelligence, charm and wit´ (joserizal.ph), and he was in love with all of them, but Jose Rizal never took advantage of any girl´s innocence. I´m basing my daring statement on nothing else but my own reading the lines – including reading between the lines – in the numerous letters from and to his family, friends and acquaintances in the Philippines and in Europe – not to mention finding love in my own English translation and interpretation of his ultimate poem, which I have titled Adios, Patria Adorada (Adios, Beloved Patria) – you can email me for a free copy here: frankahilario@gmail.com. (I wrote my interpretation of that poem and published a limited edition of the book that resulted from it: indios bravos! Jose Rizal As Messiah Of The Redemption, 2005 December, 187 pages). That is to say, my use of his name and this little explanation of Rizal´s behavior (denying the truth of the claim of others) means I´m discussing making love in a frank, personal, accommodating, honest, clean way. And in any case, I´m demonstrating making PowerPoint presentations, but not making them; just as I´m talking about making love, not demonstrating it. (I never really liked demonstrations – I´m an impatient man; I have always wanted to just go ahead and do it.)
Let´s just call my friend JR, the one who called for my help yesterday. His group is teaching 12 Provincial Health Officers from the Southern Tagalog Region how to make Microsoft PowerPoint presentations that are intelligent, interesting, insightful, inspirational. He himself has the wit and the daring to be different, but he wanted more this time, he wanted me to share my theory & practice of ´talking´ to people by publishing in the Internet. He gave me his morning stream-of-consciousness notes on 2 yellow ruled pad paper. I worked on them this morning. You see why I call this one ´a one-night stand´ now? Simple. Because I let the matter stand one night before I worked on it.
You will then find JR´s notes on the left column of the table below, ´You say potay´to´ and find my own entries on the right column, ´I say potah´to´ – except I changed the name of the fellow in the title slide and added the last sentence, I changed nothing in the table, nothing in my friend´s hurried notes. Everything reads rough, because everything´s a draft, the first rough draft. I like the rawness of it all because it´s an illustration of how highly improbable it can be and yet how marvelous it can be given a good night´s sleep and a mind open to love. If not at first sight, love can grow overnight.
Remember, JR my friend is as old as Jose Rizal: He is beyond begetting. Don´t forget that, via PowerPoint slides, this is a lesson in making presentations as it is a lesson in making love, the most beautiful theory & practice in the world. Remember what I remember said: If you can´t see the point, it´s because it´s inside.
YOU SAY POTAY´TO
I SAY POTAH´TO
This is a talk on how to talk.
I´m going to talk to you about how to make love. (I can show you, if you like, but not here.)
Title Slide:
JOSE RIZAL´S PRESENTATION
ON HOW TO MAKE LOVE
Why this presentation?
Ah … ah … ah … Well?!
Students, we all are! Ever!
Poor performances of speakers:
(1) communication – needs above-average intelligence
(1) Communication – good communicator needs only to tap his intelligence, which every one of us has – we´re just not using it, not exercising it everyday. (You jog.)
(2) relevance
(2) relevance – needs the speaker to find and express what the audience can find meaning in
(3) significance
(3) significance – needs the speaker to express why the topic is important at all to the audience
(4) consequence
(4) Consequence – needs the speaker to assert that if the members of the audience do what he is recommending they do, their own talks will be successful.
Gift, talent, skill: congenital, acquired
You have a brain, don´t you? It´s congenital. That brain is a gift. You have to use it.
The talent to talk is a gift – again, you have to use it to improve it.
And then the gift to talk becomes a skill, a higher-level gift. It is no longer just congenital – it is now acquired.
The dragon of communication is the illusion that it has been achieved!
The dragon of the Kama Sutra is the illusion that love has been made – and both parties have enjoyed the lovemaking. (Today, I still enjoy love – but lovemaking is beyond my wildest imagination.)
Even an idiot can understand
Communication should be so good that only an idiot cannot understand. I know you´re not idiots!
Preparation: study learning
You have to study your subject matter. You want to make love the heavenly way? Study the Kama Sutra!
Preparation: practice public speaking
Preparation – You have to practice public speaking. You have to practice the Kama Sutra. You can´t make love with a book! (Well, you can make love with a book in one hand, I suppose.)
Speech training
If and when you think you need professional advice, go for it. If and when you think you need assistance in lovemaking – no, I don´t recommend that you ask for assistance.
Recording voice on tape
The old-fashioned way is of course to use a tape recorder. The modern way is to use an MP3 with a digital recorder – you have music and you have voice. Do I recommend that you record your voices while making love? That´s an idea.
Gesticulation – hands never in pockets
Now, Gesticulation. (Make all kinds of gesticulations, including the dirty finger.) Yes, gesticulation. Hands never in pockets. Imagine making love with your hands in your pockets!
Modulation
Modulation means controlling, managing. You have to have total control of your voice. In making love, you should not have total control – you should practice total abandon!
Avoid using the podium – unless you are delivering a SONA or to the UN General Assembly
(Add) In making love, avoid using the podium. Unless of course, the podium is standing against the wall and you want a stand-up act.
Speed: slow, slower; fast, faster
(Add) In making love, you start slow. You need foreplay – your partner needs foreplay. If and when you´re in a hurry, don´t! Make it slower. Learn to enjoy it more, and longer. The longer the suspense, the more heavenly the orgasm. Then you go fast, fast, faster, faster! (Body language: twist and shout – Oh! Oh! Oh!)
Audience adjustment
(Add) If and when you´re making love in public, you have to adjust to the audience. Do they want to see more or less? Will the wait for the ending or not?
Acoustics
(Add) If and when you´re making love, acoustics is very important – do you want people to hear your voices, your grunts loud and clear? Then, see to it that the acoustics is good.
Wireless mike
(Add) If and when making love, consider a wireless mike for you and a wireless mike for your partner – especially if you are far apart and you cannot see each other in the beginning.
Brevity: good beginning, good ending
(Add) If and when you make love, be good at the beginning, yes? And be good at the ending – don´t end too soon!
Brevity: substance in less words
(Add) If and when you make love, when you say something, say it in the fewest words as possible. Otherwise, you are disturbing her concentration, you are disturbing your concentration. The less talk, the more time to enjoy!
Clarity: clarify vs cloudify
(Add) If and when you make love, it is important to clarify where you want to do it, how you want to do it – and when. Cloudy or sunny? Be specific!
Elucidation
(Add) If and when you make love, if you want, you can elucidate to your partner on the Kama Sutra, especially if she doesn´t know much about it.
Explanation
(Add) If and when you make love, if it is necessary to explain, explain. Don´t forget that if you need to demonstrate, you have to demonstrate.
Pointer: use, misuse, over-use, mal-use!
(Add) If and when you make love, you will need a pointer only if you want to indicate the door that may be not closed, or to point to the clock the time when you want to do it.
Slides – PowerPoint
(Add) If and when you make love, would you like to take some digital photos and show them as PowerPoint slides? That´s up to you.
Lines
(Add) If and when you´re talking about making love, the text in your PowerPoint slides should not be too many. They should be kept to a minimum. (In contrast, if (when) making love, really, you should make it to the maximum!)
Size
(Add) If and when you´re talking about making love, size matters. The size of that of the female partner is given; the size of that of the male partner is not – it can be enlarged by exercise, plenty of exercise. Masturbation is a good exercise if you can´t have the real thing.
Color combination
(Add) If and when you´re talking about making love, do you give a damn about color combinations? I don´t. I care about one color only, the color black – I want the room dark.
Animation
(Add) If and when you´re talking about making love, by all means, be animated! You can´t make love if yours is limp, without life.
Insertion – photos, before, during, after
(Add) If and when you´re talking about making love, insertion is important – in fact, it´s necessary. I tried coitus interruptus once, and I hated it. I couldn´t help my head from jerking – I should have had my head examined!
Music – anywhere, everywhere
(Add) If and when you´re talking about making love, ah, music hath charm that soothes the savage breast! Was it Shakespeare who said that? Never mind. I like music, and if and when I´m making love, I like to be savage.
Showmanship! Ham hum. (Science) – Art!
(Add) If and when you´re talking about making love, I recommend showmanship. It´s good for you. It´s good for the girl. Go read the Kama Sutra and try the different techniques. There is science in the Kama Sutra. There is art. Making love should be an art. Just like making presentations should be an art. And I just taught you both, didn´t I?
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