Astrophysicists discover a billion light years of emptiness and already it’s half full of ideas
Dan Brawner
September 04, 2007
Do you ever get that nagging, empty feeling like something is missing in your life? Like something six billion trillion miles across?
A University of Minnesota team of astrophysicists have discovered a gigantic hole in the universe that contains absolutely nothing. The Minnesota scientists are really pumped about the finding, although it’s a little hard to picture that much emptiness. I guess it would be like Nebraska, but with even fewer restrooms. In fact, I can imagine future space traveling families grumbling about having to fly though the giant void one billion light years wide on their way to grandmother’s house. “No, Timmy, for the last time, we are NOT there yet!”
I suppose the astrophysicists are proud of themselves for stumbling upon something that is essentially not there, even though it is very, very big. Not everyone can discover a new planet, you know. You get a good job with a university. They let you use the telescope. After a while, they expect results. “What have you found for us today, Fritz?” “Nothing,” you say, sullenly, day after day, month after month. Until one day, you slap your forehead and go shrieking through the halls, grab your chairman by the lapels and sputter out the discovery that will make your career. “I have found NOTHING! A lot of it!”
I’m happy for the U of M team. Maybe finding an enormous hole isn’t all that useful by itself, but it is only a matter of time until some country singer uses the discovery as a metaphor for the emptiness he feels since Mavis left him that even a bottle of Wild Turkey can’t fill.
The idea of pure emptiness has long held a fascination for certain thoughtful and joyless humans. Around 2,500 years ago or so, Buddhists in India came up with the concept of Shunyata. Roughly, this refers to the idea that everything is without substance, without permanence and without a “self”. This is one of those problematic concepts that is hard to even discuss. Let’s see: everything is nothing. Nothing lasts and nothing has an identity. And who shall we say is talking? And to whom?
The emptiness embodied in Shunyata may sound glum, but it’s practically giddy compared to the idea of nihilism, which asserts that there is no meaning, no God and no morality. If you ever want get some sleep on a plane, just tell the chatty person next to you that you’re a nihilist. It’s a sure-fire conversation killer.
It may be intellectually stimulating, even amusing to imagine a place so dark and desolate that it contains no life or warmth or light. But now that we know there actually is such a place, isn’t it pleasant to know we don’t have to go there?
A University of Minnesota team of astrophysicists have discovered a gigantic hole in the universe that contains absolutely nothing. The Minnesota scientists are really pumped about the finding, although it’s a little hard to picture that much emptiness. I guess it would be like Nebraska, but with even fewer restrooms. In fact, I can imagine future space traveling families grumbling about having to fly though the giant void one billion light years wide on their way to grandmother’s house. “No, Timmy, for the last time, we are NOT there yet!”
I suppose the astrophysicists are proud of themselves for stumbling upon something that is essentially not there, even though it is very, very big. Not everyone can discover a new planet, you know. You get a good job with a university. They let you use the telescope. After a while, they expect results. “What have you found for us today, Fritz?” “Nothing,” you say, sullenly, day after day, month after month. Until one day, you slap your forehead and go shrieking through the halls, grab your chairman by the lapels and sputter out the discovery that will make your career. “I have found NOTHING! A lot of it!”
I’m happy for the U of M team. Maybe finding an enormous hole isn’t all that useful by itself, but it is only a matter of time until some country singer uses the discovery as a metaphor for the emptiness he feels since Mavis left him that even a bottle of Wild Turkey can’t fill.
The idea of pure emptiness has long held a fascination for certain thoughtful and joyless humans. Around 2,500 years ago or so, Buddhists in India came up with the concept of Shunyata. Roughly, this refers to the idea that everything is without substance, without permanence and without a “self”. This is one of those problematic concepts that is hard to even discuss. Let’s see: everything is nothing. Nothing lasts and nothing has an identity. And who shall we say is talking? And to whom?
The emptiness embodied in Shunyata may sound glum, but it’s practically giddy compared to the idea of nihilism, which asserts that there is no meaning, no God and no morality. If you ever want get some sleep on a plane, just tell the chatty person next to you that you’re a nihilist. It’s a sure-fire conversation killer.
It may be intellectually stimulating, even amusing to imagine a place so dark and desolate that it contains no life or warmth or light. But now that we know there actually is such a place, isn’t it pleasant to know we don’t have to go there?
Print
Email
