Medical Causes Found for Amnesia on Capitol Hill - It's in the Water

Several cases of amnesia have been exhibited in accelerating numbers in Washington. The public and press have mistakenly thought this was due to lying, threats, and political deals. It has been discovered that an amnesia causing enzyme has actually been identified in the water in Washington DC that directly feeds the White House. It seems to affect all branches of the government there, although the Executive branch has been hit by far the hardest. Unidentified spokesperson’s for the White House tell us they are working hard to find a cure, through aggressive wire-tapping of US citizens, thought to be the best way to discover a solution.

The poster child for this disease is of course Alberto Gonzales, who seems to have a progressive case (as opposed to Progressive politics). The members of the Executive and Judiciary branches are not the only victims of the incurable disease. When Gonzales steps down, a huge marketing campaign is being launched with his face on little tin cups at the check stand in markets nationwide asking for donations to help fund research for a cure for this devastating disease.

Democratic members of Congress and Senate who promised us “a new direction in Iraq” actually have been affected as well, no fault of their own. Innocent victims of ‘amnesia water’ they are unfairly sharing in the low poll numbers of the Republicans at the moment.

Members that claim to be moving forward on Impeachment are especially susceptible. John Conyers after stating he will move forward with Impeachment when 15 members of Congress come onboard, actually forgot he said that and thought he had said it was when 30 members come onboard. Alarmingly, the disease is spreading all the way to California. The Los Angeles City Council member Bill Rosendahl announced before 100 people last Sunday he would introduce a resolution for Impeachment to roaring cheers, and then a couple days later said he meant only if more co-sponsors come onboard.

Oddly, certain members appear to be immune, such as Dennis Kucinich. It has been rumored however, that his wife Elizabeth Kucinich is actually a Mati Hara style spy from the GOP who was sent to capture his affections so he would have an Achilles heel that could be threatened to help him catch ‘water amnesia’ and just stop rocking the boat so much in Washington.

Since this disease is so far incurable and highly contagious, the White House has expressed confidence that the public and voters will also be hit with collective amnesia just in time for the 2008 elections.