The country is going to the dogs anyway–so why not make if official and give dogs the vote?
Dan Brawner
July 03, 2007
“Who would your dog vote for?” That may sound like a dyslexic, theological bumper sticker, but an Australian shepherd named “Duncan”, residing in Federal Way, Washington, has actually become a legally registered voter. And now, he faces the same tough choices as the rest of us regarding who should be the next president of the United States. That is, he did, until his owner, Jane Balogh was charged with voter fraud.
Balogh, a 66-year-old grandmother, insists she wasn’t trying to scam the government. She was trying to make a point. After the voter fraud allegations following the 2000 presidential election, Balogh decided to illustrate how easy it was to create voters. So, she put her phone bill in Duncan’s name and used that to register him to vote. No problem. But when she had the nerve to tell the authorities what she’d done, they charged her with a felony that carries up to a year in prison. Some people just can’t take a joke.
And speaking of jokes, if the 2008 presidential election were held tomorrow would you: A. Vote for John McCain? B. Vote for Hillary Clinton? C. Be very surprised?
I mean, why are all these people spending millions of dollars advertising themselves when the sale isn’t for another year and a half? At first, I was sort of flattered when Hillary Clinton started calling me. But now it’s getting annoying. She’s phoning me at all hours of the day and night, leaving messages, offering to take me to parties and fund raisers, making countless immodest suggestions about how great she would be for me and all my friends. It’s creepy. And I know I’m not the only one she’s been calling. Does Bill know about this? And now, it’s Joe Biden. The guy just can’t take a hint. He’s not going to be president. Ever. Give it up, Joe! Get a hobby or something.
The Republicans are just as bad. Each of them is spending more money every month than it would take to feed Somalia, hoping it will inch them up a couple of points in the polls. The latest survey has actor and former Tennessee senator Fred Thompson as the front runner. And he’s not even running!
News stories focus, not on the issues but on how much campaign money each candidate has raised. National Public Radio commentator Daniel Shore suggested that we could skip the election altogether and give the presidency to the candidate who raised the most cash.
Everybody is saying the country is going to the dogs anyway. So why not let Duncan vote? Dogs couldn’t have done a worse job of picking a president than we did. And it would make campaign ads more interesting.
I can’t guess how Duncan will vote, but I know another pooch named “Monty” who’s very politically minded. I think Monty would vote for anybody who would feed him hamburgers and rub his tummy. Come to think of it, that would work for me, too.
Balogh, a 66-year-old grandmother, insists she wasn’t trying to scam the government. She was trying to make a point. After the voter fraud allegations following the 2000 presidential election, Balogh decided to illustrate how easy it was to create voters. So, she put her phone bill in Duncan’s name and used that to register him to vote. No problem. But when she had the nerve to tell the authorities what she’d done, they charged her with a felony that carries up to a year in prison. Some people just can’t take a joke.
And speaking of jokes, if the 2008 presidential election were held tomorrow would you: A. Vote for John McCain? B. Vote for Hillary Clinton? C. Be very surprised?
I mean, why are all these people spending millions of dollars advertising themselves when the sale isn’t for another year and a half? At first, I was sort of flattered when Hillary Clinton started calling me. But now it’s getting annoying. She’s phoning me at all hours of the day and night, leaving messages, offering to take me to parties and fund raisers, making countless immodest suggestions about how great she would be for me and all my friends. It’s creepy. And I know I’m not the only one she’s been calling. Does Bill know about this? And now, it’s Joe Biden. The guy just can’t take a hint. He’s not going to be president. Ever. Give it up, Joe! Get a hobby or something.
The Republicans are just as bad. Each of them is spending more money every month than it would take to feed Somalia, hoping it will inch them up a couple of points in the polls. The latest survey has actor and former Tennessee senator Fred Thompson as the front runner. And he’s not even running!
News stories focus, not on the issues but on how much campaign money each candidate has raised. National Public Radio commentator Daniel Shore suggested that we could skip the election altogether and give the presidency to the candidate who raised the most cash.
Everybody is saying the country is going to the dogs anyway. So why not let Duncan vote? Dogs couldn’t have done a worse job of picking a president than we did. And it would make campaign ads more interesting.
I can’t guess how Duncan will vote, but I know another pooch named “Monty” who’s very politically minded. I think Monty would vote for anybody who would feed him hamburgers and rub his tummy. Come to think of it, that would work for me, too.
Print
Email
