Give Me No Traditions Set In Stone

My lovely daughters are both going to be out of town on Father's Day. That doesn't bother me. So am I.

Daughter #1 (chronologically only, of course) will be off to the Big Apple, where she has friends. Daughter #2 and her little family are off to the capital of the world, Orlando, where they will partake in a little Father's Day ritual of their own. They have with them my own dear personal granddaughter, Selina, who will help her dad celebrate by leading him around by the nose -- one of his favorite things.

My-Wife-The-Shrink has to work, and I have to take some time off. The illigitimati have been wearing me down, and I haven't taken a real vacation in about three and a half years. So I'm going to Fanning Springs, Florida, for a week with my brother, my sister, and Mom (age 98).

Our family has often deferred holidays. Since the kids were small, I always worked in fields that involved being busy on holidays, birthdays and so forth, with little recourse. My wife was a waitress. Then she was in school and among our schedules and those of their mom and step-dad, it seems in retrospect that celebrations were offset more often than otherwise.

That actually worked out rather well for the kids, because they got to celebrate with two families on different days. With a few exceptions, we've continued the tradition on into their adulthood. When M-W-T-S and I were both working in the addiction treatment field, we had the same odd circumstances, and solved the holiday problem the same way. Now that we're both on "normal" schedules with weekends off (at last!) there are further complications: the obligations of private practice, multiple sets of grandparents, partners' families, and the need to travel 300 miles to be with the aforementioned sibs and parent some time at least close to major events.

So the tradition continues, to everyone's apparent satisfaction. Which brings me to my point. Tradition isn't set in stone. When it becomes more a burden than a boon, it needs looking at. I'm not saying traditions are bad -- quite the contrary. They provide a framework around which our lives and those of our families, communities and other organizations revolve -- but it's the smoothness of those revolutions that are important, not adherence to some detailed script that no one really enjoys, but that all feel obliged to follow.

So I'll go visit with my 75-year-old biker brother, and maybe take a couple of antihistamines and go listen to him sing karaoke at his favorite bar. (Since I quit smoking many years ago, I've been deathly allergic to cigarettes.) I'll hang out with my sister and mom, and if my brother can be persuaded to Mom-sit, perhaps my sis and I will go out and have a bite to eat or take a drive or something. I'll take a lot of pictures.

These are the traditions I enjoy: the flexible ones that allow us to do what's comfortable for everyone; the ones that allow us to relax and enjoy gatherings, rather than racing for hours to attend a dinner and then sleep in a strange bed for a night before racing home.

And as much as I loved sharing Disney World with my kids when they were little, I'm glad they're having a chance to experience it as I did. Truly, grandchildren are the best revenge. ;-)

See you in a week or so. In the meantime, check out the archives.