Football chaplains and Saint Anselm’s proofs for the existence of ISU Football
Dan Brawner
June 05, 2007
* A foolish person might say that Iowa State University football does not exist (okay, they were 4-8 last season).
ISU football is that which nothing greater can be conceived (This must be self-evident).
Existence in reality (i.e. not actually getting totally stomped by Nebraska) is greater than existence in the imagination.
Thus ISU football must exist. And if it did not, they would not need a team chaplain.
Saint Anselm, 1033-1109, was a theologian and Archbishop of Canterbury who came up with interesting, if somewhat circular reasoning regarding the existence of God and sadly never got to see an ISU football game. But if he had, there can be no doubt that St. Anselm would have been inspired to show that the Cyclones are the greatest college football team in existence. And certainly he would have recommended hiring a team chaplain.
ISU’s new head football coach Gene Chizik wants to hire a full-time chaplain for his team, supplied by the local chapter of the Fellowship of Christian Athletes and privately paid for by the Cyclone Gridiron Club. Chizik argues that the chaplain would not evangelize but merely serve as a “spiritual advisor” and “character coach”.
ISU President Greg Geoffroy has received a letter of protest from The American Civil Liberties Union as well as a petition opposing the hiring by 122 ISU faculty members, lead by professor of religious studies and former child Pentecostal preacher, Hector Avalos. They contend that having a team chaplain at a state school represents a constitutional violation of the separation of church and state. There is also a concern that a Christian chaplain would pose a certain religious bias. Imagine what the reaction might be to having a local mosque send an imam before every game to fire up the team in the name of Allah! Even more frightening, imagine if they won!
Cyclone boosters maintain that a chaplain would offer much-needed comfort and guidance to athletes under stress. After all, football players already have tutors, nutritionists, psychologists, substance-abuse counselors and hypnotists (what, no bail bondsmen?) This kind of spiritual support is appropriate to football because chaplains are already common in the military, in hospitals and other situations in which there is also a lingering fear of death. And, supporters point out that a player’s attendance at the chaplain’s activities would be voluntary. Wouldn’t it?
If the rest of the team is gulping down the gospel like Gatorade, will nonbelievers be forced to fake it?
But if football is anything, it is practical. Any coach who can’t win quickly falls from grace and is replaced by somebody else who can. Take Dan McCarney, ISU’s last coach...please. So if Coach Chizik says a chaplain would be good for his team, he probably knows what he’s talking about. Because when the Cyclones play Nebraska this year, they going to need a miracle.
ISU football is that which nothing greater can be conceived (This must be self-evident).
Existence in reality (i.e. not actually getting totally stomped by Nebraska) is greater than existence in the imagination.
Thus ISU football must exist. And if it did not, they would not need a team chaplain.
Saint Anselm, 1033-1109, was a theologian and Archbishop of Canterbury who came up with interesting, if somewhat circular reasoning regarding the existence of God and sadly never got to see an ISU football game. But if he had, there can be no doubt that St. Anselm would have been inspired to show that the Cyclones are the greatest college football team in existence. And certainly he would have recommended hiring a team chaplain.
ISU’s new head football coach Gene Chizik wants to hire a full-time chaplain for his team, supplied by the local chapter of the Fellowship of Christian Athletes and privately paid for by the Cyclone Gridiron Club. Chizik argues that the chaplain would not evangelize but merely serve as a “spiritual advisor” and “character coach”.
ISU President Greg Geoffroy has received a letter of protest from The American Civil Liberties Union as well as a petition opposing the hiring by 122 ISU faculty members, lead by professor of religious studies and former child Pentecostal preacher, Hector Avalos. They contend that having a team chaplain at a state school represents a constitutional violation of the separation of church and state. There is also a concern that a Christian chaplain would pose a certain religious bias. Imagine what the reaction might be to having a local mosque send an imam before every game to fire up the team in the name of Allah! Even more frightening, imagine if they won!
Cyclone boosters maintain that a chaplain would offer much-needed comfort and guidance to athletes under stress. After all, football players already have tutors, nutritionists, psychologists, substance-abuse counselors and hypnotists (what, no bail bondsmen?) This kind of spiritual support is appropriate to football because chaplains are already common in the military, in hospitals and other situations in which there is also a lingering fear of death. And, supporters point out that a player’s attendance at the chaplain’s activities would be voluntary. Wouldn’t it?
If the rest of the team is gulping down the gospel like Gatorade, will nonbelievers be forced to fake it?
But if football is anything, it is practical. Any coach who can’t win quickly falls from grace and is replaced by somebody else who can. Take Dan McCarney, ISU’s last coach...please. So if Coach Chizik says a chaplain would be good for his team, he probably knows what he’s talking about. Because when the Cyclones play Nebraska this year, they going to need a miracle.
Print
Email
