Marilyn Manson on his Ex-Wife: "She hoped I would change and threatened to leave if I didn't"

"She said she had tolerated the lifestyle because she hoped I would change and threatened to leave if I didn't. I was sleeping on the couch in my own home. I was no longer supposed to be a rock star. I was someone who had to be apologized for."--rock singer Marilyn Manson

I know very little about rock singer Marilyn Manson, but the above quote typifies something I've seen many times. A woman marries a man and is determined to change him. When he doesn't change, she's mad. (And if he does change, she might not find him attractive anymore, but that's a different story).

This exemplifies several qualities not uncommon in women which, when they arise in men, are usually called "abusive." These include: the belief that you and only you know what's best for your spouse; the belief that it's your spouse and only your spouse who must change; and the belief that the glaring spotlight should only be shined on your spouse's faults and never on yours. I discussed this issue in my co-authored column Men Blamed for Marriage Decline but Women's Relationship Wounds Often Self-Inflicted (Chicago Tribune, 1/21/07).

I might also add the following--Manson beat out odds of a million to one to get where he is. His ex-wife, Dita Von Teese (pictured) is a model/burlesque dancer. Why is he supposed to be ashamed?

Manson says the divorce left him emotionally devastated but he doesn't know how lucky he really is--at least they didn't have kids.

To be fair, it is quite possible--if not likely--that Von Teese has very legitimate grievances against Manson, too. My point is not that Manson is a saint and that Von Teese is a witch. My point is that the overcritical nature Manson accuses Von Teese of having is a common problem for married men, and often leads to divorces.

Manson is now apparently involved with a young woman, and that often is interpreted very differently by men and women. The woman interprets it as "he's dumping me for someone younger." The man interprets it as "I've found someone who likes me as I am and isn't so critical." Both views have legitimacy.

The Associated Press article is below.

S. Fla.'s Marilyn Manson says failed marriage `destroyed' him

May 18, 2007

NEW YORK -- Marilyn Manson says he was devastated over the breakup of his marriage to model and burlesque dancer Dita Von Teese.

"I was completely destroyed. I had no soul left," the 38-year-old glitzy goth rocker says in Spin magazine's June issue, on newsstands May 29. "I define myself as a person, a human, an artist, as someone who makes things -- writing, painting, music -- and I couldn't do anything."

Manson, whose real name is Brian Hugh Warner, grew up in South Florida and once attended Broward Community College, married Von Teese in November 2005. She filed for divorce last December.

"She said she had tolerated the lifestyle because she hoped I would change and threatened to leave if I didn't," Manson says.

"I was sleeping on the couch in my own home. I was no longer supposed to be a rock star. I was someone who had to be apologized for. I wasn't prepared to be alone. I came out of this naked, a featherless bird."

Read the full article at www.sun-sentinel.com/news/local/southflorida/sfl-518manson,0,994945.story?coll=sfla-home-headlines.