Why don’t I read your emails? I get a lot of email, and I get a lot of spam (a couple of my Gmail accounts collect thousands a month). Very little spam gets through to my primary account -- perhaps a couple of dozen a day. Gmail’s Bayesian filters are exceptional. Plenty other trash does get through, however. Because my time is more valuable to me than some of my correspondents’ seems to be to them, I have a few little tests that control how I handle my mail. You might consider them for your own use, and if you’re one of the folks who emails me, it might explain why you get fewer responses than you expect. Subject line: If it contains Fw: Fw: Fw:, this is funny, LMAO, So True, Hi, or other non-specific stuff -- forget it. It goes straight to the trash. In fact, I have filters set up that send the four examples given directly to perdition; I never even see it. If you want me to read what you send, use the subject line to tell me what it is. That’s what it’s for. It’s your one chance to get my attention. If you can’t bother to tell me what’s in the email, it’s not important enough for me to read. Attachments: Gmail shows thumbnails of all the attachments. If your offering contains more than two or three photos of cute animals it gets trashed without opening. The technical term for this stuff is "glurge." It eats up people’s time -- the most important thing they have -- and Internet bandwidth that someone has to pay for. Forget about PowerPoint and .doc attachments, too. They can carry malicious code, and the only way I'll open one is if I was expecting it. Send .rtf instead, if you have to attach a document. Go to "save as" and do the thing. Better yet, copy and paste it into the body of the email. Links are good. Send links, and tell me what they’re about! I enjoy self-determination. Photography is my hobby. I'm pretty good. Spare me the pictures of garish sunsets, and purple dolphins in a turquoise sea. They’re painful.
This is a good photograph. If it meets that standard, send it by all means. If I want inspiration, I have several books by the Dalai Lama. I’m not interested in something forwarded to you by the woman who casts your horoscope. I don’t respond to pleas to sign petitions, forward email to benefit cancer victims, etc., because all that stuff is bogus! Take the time to check it out at
Snopes.com. Don’t have time? I don’t either. And don’t send me something that "might do some good." Check it out, or don’t waste my time with it. Chances are I wouldn't embarrass myself by forwarding to "all the people I care about" even if it would "break the chain." In other words, get a life. Forget the politics and religion, too. Politically, I’m Progressive. Religion-wise, I’m agnostic -- I don’t know, and you don’t either. If you agree with my views, I already know what you think. If you don’t agree, I probably still know. There aren’t that many basic philosophies in the world, and I’m a bright guy with a good education. Also, know that if your offering is biased racially, ethnically or with respect to gender, it goes in the trash and your address goes with it -- and I’ll be the judge. If you’re passionate about something, go do something about it! Then write to me and tell me what you did. I
know the world’s a tough neighborhood. What are you doing to improve it? Now that’s interesting! Send simple, unformatted text. I like to decide what’s important for myself, without a bunch of boldface, underlining, caps and other insults to my intelligence. If your email looks like a cheesy advertisement, I’ll treat it like one. Email accounts are free, for goodness’ sake! Get one of your own, and use it. Shared accounts are awkward at best, and can cause embarassment at worst. Go on -- you deserve it. You can get a free Google Mail (gmail) account
here. Email is a wonderful thing when it’s used to impart useful or interesting information, or to forge real connections. Unfortunately, 90+% of the email that gets sent is garbage. Why? Because people don’t think before they send or forward. If you had to write it out by hand, then take it to the mailbox and spend 41 cents to mail it, you’d be more respectful because it was
your time and effort. Why not be just as respectful of mine?
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