Unsolicited Post-Presidential Career Advice for George W. Bush
Timothy Sexton
April 11, 2007
Pres Bush: As you knew when you applied for the job of President of the United States, it is just a temporary position. After eight years you will be required to move on. Since you are nearing the end of that time period, we believe it is in your best interest to begin considering what plans you may have for the future. As you were informed during the application process, the position of President is not really considered a stepping stone. As we indicated in our earlier discussion, most of those who have held this position before you have experienced a decided lack of opportunities when their term has ended. We certainly hope that will not be the case with you.
Obviously, history has proven that most Presidents are vitally interesting in preserving their legacy through the process of hiring a ghostwriter to author their memoirs. In all sincerity, Mr. Bush, we cannot recommend this course of action to you. Most Presidents who write their memoirs have, well, certain accomplishments that they can highlight to cover up their failures. In looking over your resume, Mr. Bush, well, to be brutally honest, we simply cannot locate any accomplishment. The writing of your memoirs, we fear, would lead to depression and possibly even suicidal thoughts. So, therefore, we cannot recommend that you consider this career path.
Many other Presidents have found it behooves them to become a paid public speaker. This actually might be something you would want to consider. Unfortunately, our research has indicated that your potential as a paid public speaker is severely limited. Many ex-Presidents are engaged to speak around the world. Mr. Bush, we are being as tactful as we can when we recommend that you really should not leave the United States when your term is completed. All is not bad news, however. While even your speaking opportunities within the United States is limited, those arenas in which you would be welcome would potentially pay very highly. Our research indicates that, for instance, you would be quite welcome to speak before the oil industry, the pharmaceutical industry and even, surprisingly, the disaster relief industries. (Are you aware how beneficial your disaster response policies have been to the disaster relief industries?) Although the potential for high income is there in the public speaking sector, it is our considered opinion that the effort you would need to expend would perhaps exceed the reward.
With that in mind, Mr. Bush, we are proud to recommend what we consider the best post-Presidential job position for a man of your qualifications. We have taken into account the fact that the bulk of your duties as President has been to lead the charge for support of the current war in Iraq. In looking over your records, it appears that you more than any other American have remained steadfast in your support of the war effort in Iraq. Despite all evidence to the contrary you and you alone, Mr. Bush, have remained rock solid in your belief that this mission in Iraq is worthwhile and in the best interest of your country. We cannot adequately express just how much we admire your courage and determination.
With that in mind, Mr. Bush, our recommendation for your post-Presidential career is that you immediately upon leaving office enlist in the United States military. It is more than obvious than you believe more in the mission in Iraq than any soldier there, and since your records also indicate that you have been a steadfast in your belief that sacrifice is necessary to preserve freedom, we simply cannot imagine that you yourself could possibly imagine any more fulfilling job than serving military duty in Iraq. Of course, if this doesn’t sound good, you could always take the route of being a paid public speaker.
Obviously, history has proven that most Presidents are vitally interesting in preserving their legacy through the process of hiring a ghostwriter to author their memoirs. In all sincerity, Mr. Bush, we cannot recommend this course of action to you. Most Presidents who write their memoirs have, well, certain accomplishments that they can highlight to cover up their failures. In looking over your resume, Mr. Bush, well, to be brutally honest, we simply cannot locate any accomplishment. The writing of your memoirs, we fear, would lead to depression and possibly even suicidal thoughts. So, therefore, we cannot recommend that you consider this career path.
Many other Presidents have found it behooves them to become a paid public speaker. This actually might be something you would want to consider. Unfortunately, our research has indicated that your potential as a paid public speaker is severely limited. Many ex-Presidents are engaged to speak around the world. Mr. Bush, we are being as tactful as we can when we recommend that you really should not leave the United States when your term is completed. All is not bad news, however. While even your speaking opportunities within the United States is limited, those arenas in which you would be welcome would potentially pay very highly. Our research indicates that, for instance, you would be quite welcome to speak before the oil industry, the pharmaceutical industry and even, surprisingly, the disaster relief industries. (Are you aware how beneficial your disaster response policies have been to the disaster relief industries?) Although the potential for high income is there in the public speaking sector, it is our considered opinion that the effort you would need to expend would perhaps exceed the reward.
With that in mind, Mr. Bush, we are proud to recommend what we consider the best post-Presidential job position for a man of your qualifications. We have taken into account the fact that the bulk of your duties as President has been to lead the charge for support of the current war in Iraq. In looking over your records, it appears that you more than any other American have remained steadfast in your support of the war effort in Iraq. Despite all evidence to the contrary you and you alone, Mr. Bush, have remained rock solid in your belief that this mission in Iraq is worthwhile and in the best interest of your country. We cannot adequately express just how much we admire your courage and determination.
With that in mind, Mr. Bush, our recommendation for your post-Presidential career is that you immediately upon leaving office enlist in the United States military. It is more than obvious than you believe more in the mission in Iraq than any soldier there, and since your records also indicate that you have been a steadfast in your belief that sacrifice is necessary to preserve freedom, we simply cannot imagine that you yourself could possibly imagine any more fulfilling job than serving military duty in Iraq. Of course, if this doesn’t sound good, you could always take the route of being a paid public speaker.
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