Man Utd's 7-1 thumping of Roma begs: what baseball?

Ah, springtime: as the American sports media would have us believe, it's all about small white balls falling out of the sky, having been hit by men with various forms of sticks. Golf and baseball are in full swing, and ESPN radio commentators like Dan Patrick and Freddy Coleman cannot shut up about them. Meanwhile, "quietly," one of the best and most exciting soccer games ever played in Europe happened last night, but was summarily ignored by ESPN and every other major network in the USA.

Last week, the Machester United Red Devils, in a home-and-away series with AS Roma, lost at Rome -- and to add insult to injury, the Roman police had seen fit to beat about 50 English fans with nightsticks during the game, sending many to the hospital and causing quite an outcry. Yet last night in England, the Red Devils got their revenge, destroying Rome by a 7-1 margin in one of the most exciting and lopsided UEFA Champions League victories of all time.

Not that it surprises me that the American media does not cover European-league soccer. But what is disgusting is that ESPN et al. do not even cover Major League Soccer beyond occasionally showing a game or two. Here we have the most popular sport in the world, and as soon as the World Cup is over the American media goes back to putting its collective head in the pitch. When was the last time you were listening to ESPN radio and heard some soccer scores? That's right, never.

Look, golf and baseball are the two most boring sports of all time. Golf can barely be watched without inducing a coma. Baseball, with its 162-game season and 5-hour-plus games that are mostly composed of overweight steroid freaks standing around scratching their balls, is even worse. The players themselves would fall asleep if they didn't all eat amphetamine for breakfast. Baseball pollutes SportsCenter from April through October with 10 times more highlights than any other sport, highlights which are utterly meaningless before the All-Star break, and only marginally more meaningful thereafter. A "great game" is one that lasts 10 hours having hit 25 innings of cud-chewing boringness. Ever have to suffer through 45 minutes of crappy baseball highlights on SportsCenter just to get to see the ONE NBA or College Football highlight that you wanted to see? Couldn't baseball just be given its own channel or, at least, its own highlights show, like BoringCenter or something?

With the NFL and College Football seasons over, and March Madness having ended, I seek another sport to watch. The only decent sport left is soccer, and due to the American media's complete idiocy regarding soccer, and its total refusal to give coverage to the MLS, I am forced to Tivo European games to watch when I get home from work.

And boy was I glad I did, when I watched Manchester United vs. Roma last night after work. A game which featured more amazing goals than any other match in years will never be known to the American fan. No, we are too busy discussing how crappy and boring Augusta was, or how some fight that broke out during the utter boringness of a baseball game was really a continuation of a fight between the same players when they were with different teams (before free agency brought them to their current ones). Can I wake up now?

Look, I don't expect soccer to suddenly overtake football and basketball. But the beautiful game, with its short-and-sweet 2 hour matches, fast-paced action, and worldwide appeal will not stay in the shadows for long. At this point, the American media are the only thing stopping soccer from becoming the third-most popular sport. Perhaps it is mainly because they like sports where athletes do not have to exercise, take lots of drugs, carry big sticks, and have small balls. However I think I will stick to a man's sport, soccer, which features athletes that are capable of running for longer than 20 seconds, which is an actual contact sport, and which does not bore me into a drooling torpor.

(Picture credit: Martin Rickett / AP)