Why Follicles?

I know it’s a pretty basic question. Why is there hair on the tops of our heads? Why?

Most animals have fur all over their bodies, and that serves kind of as a protective coating. But we humans, we only have hair over certain portions of our bodies, and I have to think, there must be some tie-in here, some master plan, some reason to it all.

Why only a partial patch of hair? Why the top?

Did God in his wisdom (we usually think of God as a man) want to protect our brains from the cold? I don’t think that’s it. We also have hair around our genital areas, the rectum, and the ears (as we grow older). Granted, these are all sensitive spots.

But if we were designed for warmth in these places…I mean c’mon. Dive head first in a snow bank and tell me if you feel much warmer on top. Of course you don’t.

We have hair under our armpits, where it’s warm and damp and moist. Given that, we shouldn’t according to logic have hair also on our heads where it’s mostly dry and airy. Those are opposites. So it’s not climate.

Hair is also contradictory psychologically.

For example, we are usually grossed out by hair inside our noses (especially when it protrudes like a forest of redwoods). But we are enamored often enough by the hair on our heads. We say, “his wavy hair, or her wavy, silken hair.”

You don’t describe the hair under your armpits as waving or silken. Women so dislike it they shave their underarms. Do I detect a double standard here?

I mean, you could say from this that we must be an accident of nature, as most evolutionists claim. A monkey has hair everywhere except its face and its ass.

We have hair up our ass and on our face (beard, if you’re a man). Women are less hairy. God made man first, got dissatisfied and changed his mind, and made women look a little better. But only a little.

We still have hair on the tops of our heads. Why?

Some of us don’t. Some of us are bald.

Why? It seems to me if you’re balding you should be really ashamed. We were only granted a partial share of hair, on our heads, noses, butt and ears, and on top, but you (Mr. Bald guy), you weren’t even granted that. You were given only a partial share of a partial share.

That’s like being endowed with a penis that is smaller than a small one. That’s if you value hair.

What is hair after all but little stalks of protein that grow out of tiny pools of oil in your skull and that change color and fall out as you age?

In that way we’re like the world. The globe has ice at the top (Arctic) and bottom (Antarctic) that as the world ages, is falling out (global warming).

The world is balding too.

Where am I going with this? I don’t know. Oh yes! Why hair?

Has hair ever helped you remain steady in a heavy wind? Has hair ever kept blowing sand out of your eyes? No. Of course not.

Why does hair grow on your head but not on your smooth shoulders? Granted, I saw this hairy woman one time in Italy who had hair all over. That only proves anything is possible and there are some real ugly women in Italy.

Hair must be for appearance only. But why? I think it’s a message. The divine one wanted to plant a reminder (like you’d plant corn), that although we’re not animals, we’re still part animal.

Still subject to the laws of physical nature. It’s a warning. Don’t get too arrogant little fella,’ with your money and your machines. I can take your hair away, what little you have.

Copyright 2007 by SammonSays.com