What's New in Weddings

Etiquette books from an earlier generation were very big on rules, especially when it came to the proper protocol to be followed at weddings and receptions. Mixed-faith marriages, blended families and commitment ceremonies hadn’t entered the picture yet.

It was an era in which cohabitation before wedlock – even if a church date had been set - was deemed nothing less than scandalous. Prenuptial agreements? Raising the subject at all was tantamount to admitting the relationship was doomed to failure before it ever started. As for second marriages, the collective wisdom was that if you had already had a blow-out bash and received lots of presents, you were no longer entitled to carouse with gusto, much less wear white.

Though traditionalists balk at the “anything goes” mindset of today’s couples, the reality is that increased awareness of multiculturalism, a national divorce rate of 50 percent, female empowerment, and the wisdom of protecting respective assets have called for a level of flexibility and compromise that didn’t exist during the 19th and 20th centuries.

Internet sites such as http://www.blissweddings.com, http://www.etiquettehell.com, and http://ourmarriage.com provide an amusing time-bubble contrast to the Victorian view of courtship and marriage described at http://www.burrows.com/booknotes/wedding.html.

There’s also no shortage of wedding etiquette books on today’s market that answer such puzzlers as (1) can my boyfriend’s dog be his best man, (2) should we take our children on our honeymoon and (3) who gives me away if my parents are both lesbians?

Here are some trends currently gaining in popularity:

Instead of having their backs to their guests, couples are trading places with the minister and facing outward.

A large framed photograph of the couple (minus the glass) is replacing traditional guest books; attendees autograph the matte.

For those who aren’t superstitious, formal wedding photographs that are taken before guests arrive for the actual ceremony are shortening the amount of time it takes to move on to the reception.

Original wedding vows are making a comeback.

Head tables for the wedding party are shrinking. It’s not uncommon, in fact, for the bride and groom to have a small table to themselves.

Ethnic traditions and décor are making more appearances.

Receiving lines have been abandoned and replaced by the bride and groom making the rounds after the toasts have been completed.

Instead of traditional china and linens for established households, guests are being asked to make donations to favorite charities.

More couples are now seeking joint counseling prior to marriage in order to understand each other’s expectations.

Early gifts of cash are being parked in 3-month CD’s and earning interest that can be applied to upcoming wedding expenditures.

Last but not least, personalized M&M’s (www.mymms.com), mint-filled vintage tins, signature candy bars, and yogurt-dipped fortune cookies are nudging out those tulle-wrapped pouches of Jordan almonds that always showed up at every place setting.