AN INTERVIEW WITH...R.R. HOOD
Miss Mae
February 06, 2007
AN INTERVIEW WITH…R.R. HOOD
Hello again to all cyberspace-nauts! This is your official unofficial reporter, I. B. Nosey, coming to you live from Deep Within the Forest. I hear great wailing and gnashing of teeth, so let’s investigate and find out what’s going on…
Nosey: Hello, and who might you be?
Hood: Well, if you can’t tell from my red riding hood, then you’re a dumb clux.
Nosey: Ah, yes, I do see that now. But why are you screaming and catter-wauling?
Hood: Because I ain’t got no boyfriend, that’s why! I’m tired of hopping and skipping through the woods without a feller. I want a man, I tell you! Say, are you available?
Nosey: Er…no. Sorry. I’m engaged to Bee Throthed.
Hood: Oh, wail, wail, wail! I want a man. I’m not going further Deep Within the Forest unless I get me a boyfriend!
Nosey: But, Red. You’re on your way to Grandma’s House, aren’t you? She’s expecting you.
Hood: Why? I’ve eaten practically all her goodies. I don’t have anything to take to her now.
Nosey: Sssh. I think I hear something…..
Something: Grrrowl, I’m the Big Bad Wolf, y’all. Ain’t ya scared?
Hood: A wolf! Give me a wolf whistle, huh? Do you want a girlfriend?
Wolf: Well, I’m glad they changed me from ‘something’ and gave me a name. What’s that you said, Girl?
Hood: Do you want a girlfriend?
Wolf: What I want is sinus medication. Oh, these awful ragweeds torment my allergies.
Nosey: Where did you come from, Wolf?
Wolf: I was on my way to The Three Little Pigs place. But I don’t have a huff, let alone a puff left inside me to blow their house down.
Nosey: Aren’t you confused? This is the path that leads to Grandma’s House. The Three Little Pigs path is over yonder.
Wolf: Yonder, smonder. Let those squealies ham it up for a bit without me. Besides, I’ve read that story, and I know how it ends.
Nosey: Hmm. I see your point.
Wolf: And I see your basket, girlie. Whatcha got in there?
Hood: Not very much right now. I’ve been depressed and I ate a dozen doughnuts, a chocolate cake, ten raspberry tarts, and I drunk a diet coke.
Wolf: What’s got you depressed?
Hood: Oh, wail, wail! I don’t have me a feller, and I’m tired of hopping and skipping alone—
Wolf: Yeah, yeah. We read that part already. Hey, haven’t you heard that the way to a wolf’s whistle is through his stomach? That growling you’ve been hearing is because mine’s empty.
Hood: Oh, you’ll mean you want me for a girlfriend if I feed you?
Wolf: Hey, give me some food and I’ll be in the mood. A bit of rhyme there for our poetry readers.
Hood: I heard there’s a gingerbread house at Hansel and Gretel’s story.
Wolf: Lead the way, Red. I’m right behind you.
Nosey: Mr. Wolf. Don’t you know an ugly witch lives in that house?
Wolf: Boy, you’re as dumb as a clod in the middle of a farmer’s field if you don’t know all women are BeWitching. Get it?
Nosey: Ah, I believe I do.
Wolf: Whistle, whistle. That’s the best I can do, Red, with these allergies.
Hood: I’m sure you’ll pucker up better after you’ve fattened up. Come along, Wolfie. To the witch’s, I mean, Grandma’s House we go.
Nosey: And with that, this is I. B. Nosey signing off. Now, back to you, Gander, in the control booth…
Copyright 2007 by Lula M. Thomas
Hello again to all cyberspace-nauts! This is your official unofficial reporter, I. B. Nosey, coming to you live from Deep Within the Forest. I hear great wailing and gnashing of teeth, so let’s investigate and find out what’s going on…
Nosey: Hello, and who might you be?
Hood: Well, if you can’t tell from my red riding hood, then you’re a dumb clux.
Nosey: Ah, yes, I do see that now. But why are you screaming and catter-wauling?
Hood: Because I ain’t got no boyfriend, that’s why! I’m tired of hopping and skipping through the woods without a feller. I want a man, I tell you! Say, are you available?
Nosey: Er…no. Sorry. I’m engaged to Bee Throthed.
Hood: Oh, wail, wail, wail! I want a man. I’m not going further Deep Within the Forest unless I get me a boyfriend!
Nosey: But, Red. You’re on your way to Grandma’s House, aren’t you? She’s expecting you.
Hood: Why? I’ve eaten practically all her goodies. I don’t have anything to take to her now.
Nosey: Sssh. I think I hear something…..
Something: Grrrowl, I’m the Big Bad Wolf, y’all. Ain’t ya scared?
Hood: A wolf! Give me a wolf whistle, huh? Do you want a girlfriend?
Wolf: Well, I’m glad they changed me from ‘something’ and gave me a name. What’s that you said, Girl?
Hood: Do you want a girlfriend?
Wolf: What I want is sinus medication. Oh, these awful ragweeds torment my allergies.
Nosey: Where did you come from, Wolf?
Wolf: I was on my way to The Three Little Pigs place. But I don’t have a huff, let alone a puff left inside me to blow their house down.
Nosey: Aren’t you confused? This is the path that leads to Grandma’s House. The Three Little Pigs path is over yonder.
Wolf: Yonder, smonder. Let those squealies ham it up for a bit without me. Besides, I’ve read that story, and I know how it ends.
Nosey: Hmm. I see your point.
Wolf: And I see your basket, girlie. Whatcha got in there?
Hood: Not very much right now. I’ve been depressed and I ate a dozen doughnuts, a chocolate cake, ten raspberry tarts, and I drunk a diet coke.
Wolf: What’s got you depressed?
Hood: Oh, wail, wail! I don’t have me a feller, and I’m tired of hopping and skipping alone—
Wolf: Yeah, yeah. We read that part already. Hey, haven’t you heard that the way to a wolf’s whistle is through his stomach? That growling you’ve been hearing is because mine’s empty.
Hood: Oh, you’ll mean you want me for a girlfriend if I feed you?
Wolf: Hey, give me some food and I’ll be in the mood. A bit of rhyme there for our poetry readers.
Hood: I heard there’s a gingerbread house at Hansel and Gretel’s story.
Wolf: Lead the way, Red. I’m right behind you.
Nosey: Mr. Wolf. Don’t you know an ugly witch lives in that house?
Wolf: Boy, you’re as dumb as a clod in the middle of a farmer’s field if you don’t know all women are BeWitching. Get it?
Nosey: Ah, I believe I do.
Wolf: Whistle, whistle. That’s the best I can do, Red, with these allergies.
Hood: I’m sure you’ll pucker up better after you’ve fattened up. Come along, Wolfie. To the witch’s, I mean, Grandma’s House we go.
Nosey: And with that, this is I. B. Nosey signing off. Now, back to you, Gander, in the control booth…
Copyright 2007 by Lula M. Thomas
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