What Message to Our Daughters?
Linda Bouchard
August 11, 2005
Recently, a friend told me about an incident that took place in the grocery store with her seven year old daughter. While Mom was busily collecting dairy products for the grocery cart, two other seven year old girls approached her daughter. They said, “We don’t think you look pretty because your eyes are funny.” My friend’s daughter is an Asian American blonde with beautiful almond-shaped blue eyes.
Quite naturally, the little girl in question was upset to be told her eyes were funny and equally upset to discover somebody thought she wasn’t pretty. My friend was incensed that children of that age would even be thinking in such terms, much less pointing out perceived ‘flaws’ to the unfortunate victims of their scrutiny. Worse still, her daughter stood in the front of the mirror at home studying her now uncertain image in the mirror trying to figure out what was so wrong with her eyes that she wasn’t considered pretty by others. Out of Eden and into the real world.
So who taught these junior beauty police to think this way? The media? The porn industry? The plastic surgeons?
It may be true that today’s children are influenced at younger ages than in the past by what is presented in the media. But, children this young still revere their parents and still believe their Mom is the prettiest woman in the world. They don’t have artificial standards of beauty unless those standards are developed at home. If Mom is constantly obsessing about her weight, her hair, her appearance in general, then Daughter will imitate the same behavior. These are the values being passed on from mother to daughter. And subsequently shared among peers.
Another incident that took place with a much younger child of two years old happened at a school function. The little girl was dressed in a cute sunsuit for the occasion and another mother commented on how nice she looked. The toddler’s reply was, “Because I’m sexy.” And the child’s mother beamed at this response and encouraged her to repeat it to a little dance she knew. As I looked on in amazement, my only thought was whether I’d want anyone to regard my two year old daughter as sexy.
In light of all the information we have today about women’s and girl’s self-esteem, anorexia and bulimia, self-mutilation and depression, shouldn’t we as parents be guiding our daughters toward a healthy self image based on intelligence, accomplishment, and integrity? The feminist movement proposed to teach women they have equal value as human beings – in the workplace, in the home, and in the world. Unfortunately, the message is slow getting through, or maybe it’s just being ignored. Anorexia, not car accidents or disease, is the leading cause of death in young women aged 15-24. A rate 12 times higher for this age group than all other causes of death combined. In Argentina, anorexia and bulimia have become so epidemic it is estimated over 90% of the female population is affected.
Recently, Oprah hosted a show on women obsessed with plastic surgery. One of the guests had actually remade herself in Barbie’s image. Whether it was intentional or not, the results were horrifying. Yet, what little girl doesn’t grow up with Barbie as her image of ideal female beauty. A doll with grotesquely long legs and rock-hard, cone-shaped breasts. No wonder eight year olds are saving up for breast implants. The squishy protrusions normal women develop must seem all wrong to them.
What all this adds up to in the end is that women still have not arrived at an acceptance of their real self-worth. Women are still allowing others – men, other women, the media, the fashion industry –anyone but themselves - to determine their value. Rather than striving to reach their own goals and satisfactions, they become obsessed with how to please these others who come and go in their lives. They often set impossible standards, then berate themselves for failure. In turn, they believe themselves to be failures at everything in general.
But the difficult question is: Where does it all originate? When two years olds parrot the word sexy to a little dance and seven year old girls are trying to set a beauty standard, where is this behavior being learned? Are they perusing the latest fashion mag at the beauty salon? Or soaking up MTV? Or repeating what they are learning at Mother’s knee?
Anorexia statistics from Naomi Wolf's The Beauty Myth.
Quite naturally, the little girl in question was upset to be told her eyes were funny and equally upset to discover somebody thought she wasn’t pretty. My friend was incensed that children of that age would even be thinking in such terms, much less pointing out perceived ‘flaws’ to the unfortunate victims of their scrutiny. Worse still, her daughter stood in the front of the mirror at home studying her now uncertain image in the mirror trying to figure out what was so wrong with her eyes that she wasn’t considered pretty by others. Out of Eden and into the real world.
So who taught these junior beauty police to think this way? The media? The porn industry? The plastic surgeons?
It may be true that today’s children are influenced at younger ages than in the past by what is presented in the media. But, children this young still revere their parents and still believe their Mom is the prettiest woman in the world. They don’t have artificial standards of beauty unless those standards are developed at home. If Mom is constantly obsessing about her weight, her hair, her appearance in general, then Daughter will imitate the same behavior. These are the values being passed on from mother to daughter. And subsequently shared among peers.
Another incident that took place with a much younger child of two years old happened at a school function. The little girl was dressed in a cute sunsuit for the occasion and another mother commented on how nice she looked. The toddler’s reply was, “Because I’m sexy.” And the child’s mother beamed at this response and encouraged her to repeat it to a little dance she knew. As I looked on in amazement, my only thought was whether I’d want anyone to regard my two year old daughter as sexy.
In light of all the information we have today about women’s and girl’s self-esteem, anorexia and bulimia, self-mutilation and depression, shouldn’t we as parents be guiding our daughters toward a healthy self image based on intelligence, accomplishment, and integrity? The feminist movement proposed to teach women they have equal value as human beings – in the workplace, in the home, and in the world. Unfortunately, the message is slow getting through, or maybe it’s just being ignored. Anorexia, not car accidents or disease, is the leading cause of death in young women aged 15-24. A rate 12 times higher for this age group than all other causes of death combined. In Argentina, anorexia and bulimia have become so epidemic it is estimated over 90% of the female population is affected.
Recently, Oprah hosted a show on women obsessed with plastic surgery. One of the guests had actually remade herself in Barbie’s image. Whether it was intentional or not, the results were horrifying. Yet, what little girl doesn’t grow up with Barbie as her image of ideal female beauty. A doll with grotesquely long legs and rock-hard, cone-shaped breasts. No wonder eight year olds are saving up for breast implants. The squishy protrusions normal women develop must seem all wrong to them.
What all this adds up to in the end is that women still have not arrived at an acceptance of their real self-worth. Women are still allowing others – men, other women, the media, the fashion industry –anyone but themselves - to determine their value. Rather than striving to reach their own goals and satisfactions, they become obsessed with how to please these others who come and go in their lives. They often set impossible standards, then berate themselves for failure. In turn, they believe themselves to be failures at everything in general.
But the difficult question is: Where does it all originate? When two years olds parrot the word sexy to a little dance and seven year old girls are trying to set a beauty standard, where is this behavior being learned? Are they perusing the latest fashion mag at the beauty salon? Or soaking up MTV? Or repeating what they are learning at Mother’s knee?
Anorexia statistics from Naomi Wolf's The Beauty Myth.
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