Don't Call It a Civil War

Don’t call it a Civil War

Shhhh! Don’t you dare call it a civil war in Iraq.

That will make Bush look bad. If we call it a civil war.

It’s not a civil war dammit!

It’s an insurrection by evil ones.

It’s an armed disagreement between tribesmen.

It’s not a civil war.

You see, if we call it a civil war, and we’re not going to, it makes it seem like President Bush doesn’t know what he’s doing and the situation is beyond his control….which it is.

Don’t call it a civil war.

This is the first war in the history of the world in which one of the belligerents attempted to micro-manage the conflict by engaging in corporate type word smithing and politically correct jargon.

It’s not a civil war.

It’s a large scale ideological assault.

We can call it an armed confrontation between rival sets of multinational Near-Eastern quasi-religious volunteers of different ethnic backgrounds.

Don’t call it a civil war.

For it to be a civil war, it has to fulfill a set number of criteria, as Bush and his cronies explain. There is a government in Iraq in power that we set up. So it can’ be a civil war. It’s unknown who is or isn’t trying to overthrow that government. So it can’t be a civil war.

It’s a violent disagreement between fellows with beards and turbans on their heads. It‘s not a civil war.

Don‘t use the CW word.

See if you call it a civil war, two things become apparent. Number one. Our actions led to the civil war in which thousands died. Two. The situation spiraled out of control into anarchy because we can‘t suppress it with armed force. Both of those, if that were the case, would make Bush look bad.

We can’t have the president looking bad. The president is always right. To the right.

Don’t call it a civil war.

It’s a dispute between people who don’t regularly shower.

It’s a phase we’re going through in which there is light at the end of the tunnel, progress being made, we had to destroy the village to save it, we’re making the world safer for democracy, and other things that are nice sounding.

It’s not a goddamn civil war.

It’s a collection of people who are unhappily challenged.

Don’t call it a civil war.

It is a multi-ethnic dispute involving the liberal use of explosives applied without authorization and depending on chance encounters of the unfriendly kind.

It’s not a civil war.

It was formally called an insurgency, but that term is worn out from being used way back in the happy days when we were the victors and Bush dared the insurgents to “bring ‘em on.”

They (insurgents) took him up on his offer.

But it’s still not a civil war. At least not yet.

What do we do if it becomes a civil war?

We’ll call it something else.

Copyright 2006 by SammonSays.com