DRIVING ME CRAZY

Nearly everyone is doing it. Perhaps the first time someone does it is on prom night, and for many, the last time they do it is right before they die. Some people do it fast, others slow. There are many that do it very well, but unfortunately, there seem to be many more that are pretty bad at it. It’s those that are bad at it that these words are written about.

The reasons one might be bad at it are numerous and most of them can be overcome. It could be that they are simply inexperienced and in too big of a hurry. Maybe there is a physiological reason that could be taken care of with the correct medical treatment. Perhaps the inadequacies are caused by substance abuse. Personally, I think the biggest reason for poor performance is simply not caring enough to put forth the effort to ensure the experience is enjoyable to everyone involved.

That’s right! I’m talking about the rude, inconsiderate and self absorbed people amongst us that are horrible drivers. Did those people take a different driving test than those who are considerate and safe while navigating the roads of America? Did they pay an extra fee for an endorsement on their license that allows them to disregard the safety and peace of mind of everyone around them? I’ve checked with the States of Florida, Montana, Tennessee, Texas and California and they all deny having different tests or a special endorsement for the road rage afflicted behind the wheel. Furthermore, the rules are fairly consistent between those five states.

None of them teach the drivers in their state to only use a turn signal if your hand accidentally bumps the lever as you make the turn. Nowhere in their driver’s manuals does it suggest if the vehicle in front of you is not exceeding the speed limit, you should get no more than three feet from their rear bumper and stay there until they choose to accelerate or exit the roadway. They also all swear, with their hands placed firmly on the vision test, that suburban soccer moms in gigantic SUV’s are not given a cash incentive bonus for how long they sit parked in the middle of the road while chatting with the neighbors or fellow PTA members.

One thing that occurs to me each time I see a sign warning of a lane closure ahead and urging me to merge left or right is that I usually get at least a half mile to a mile warning and multiple visual clues that assure me this is definitely going to happen. Once the huge flashing arrow is in sight, I’ve successfully negotiated the suggested maneuver in time to slow down and stop for the inevitable bottleneck caused by the elite few who take advantage of the clearing lane to get right up to the actual lane closure before deciding to merge. They’re confident one of the considerate drivers will stop or slow to let them cut into the line and save 12 seconds off the commute, while bringing traffic flow to a standstill causing everyone else to be ten minutes late. My theory is that if you merge as soon as you can, traffic flow interruption would be kept to a minimum.

A subject that I feel it is my duty to address (and this is probably no surprise) is the cell phone. Who in the world do you think you are who is so damn important that you can’t drive down the street without a phone stuck to your ear? When I learned to drive, phones still had rotary dials and were connected to a wire sticking out of the wall at home. America prospered and we were able to function reasonably well.

We were taught to drive defensively, which includes keeping both hands on the steering wheel, constantly checking your rearview mirrors, knowing where other vehicles are around you, always having a way out, maintaining your speed, watching for pedestrians, paying attention to traffic signs and signals. How can someone possibly do these things while catching up on the latest episode of Desperate Housewives or telling your buddies about the awesome party you went to over the weekend, or while getting and writing down the grocery list or having a heated discussion with your significant other.

Granted, technology has made us available anytime and anywhere. More people than ever telecommute or use their vehicle as an office, but even the strictest of employers and most demanding clientele will respect your decision to pull off the road prior to having a conversation. Face it! You’re not the President or a heart surgeon that must be available to make life or death decisions with any immediacy. If you were so vital to any situation that couldn’t wait for you to pull off the road, I’m certain you’d have your own personal driver. Most of the people reading this are not that important, so get off the phone and drive!

Recently as I traveled a busy interstate leading into Nashville, I was passing a long line of vehicles that were going a bit slower than the speed limit. All of a sudden there was the grill of an 18-wheeler filling my rearview mirror. I was driving between 70 and 75 miles per hour and this “professional driver” was less than 20 feet from my rear bumper. Empty or not, I know he couldn’t have stopped if I was forced to make an immediate stop. I turned on my signal and wedged myself between two of the vehicles I was passing and allowed this person who had no respect for me or my loved ones to pass me. As the apparently esteemed driver accelerated his chariot, I noticed the words Bonanza Produce Company painted on the door of the cab. The king of the vegetable transport industry was gone before I could get a city and state of origin or I would have complained to Bonanza Produce Company.

Within 15 minutes of that experience, I checked my mirrors and turned on my signal to pass another motorist. As I was about to change lanes, I checked my mirror again to see a middle aged man in a Porsche zip out around the vehicle behind me. He was exceeding the posted speed limit by perhaps 25 miles per hour and would have not been able to avoid hitting me if I hadn’t double checked my mirror. As I watched him zip in and out of cars, passing on the right and the left as he headed off into the sunset, I perversely hoped I’d see him overturned in a ditch or at least getting a citation further up the road, but I didn’t.

Don’t get me wrong. I don’t want to see anyone hurt, but I do wonder what it would take to get other drivers to realize they are being inconsiderate and endangering the lives of themselves and others. How big of a scare would it take to awaken their senses to the fact that they could keep someone who’s following the rules of the road from making it home to their families?

Over the years, I’ve witnessed other drivers applying make-up, holding their pets in their lap, and disciplining their unrestrained children. I’ve seen them smoking pot, drinking whiskey and performing sexual acts. I’ve noticed the people I’m sharing the road with eating burritos, fried chicken and eating a bowl of cereal at 70 miles per hour. Admittedly, I’ve been guilty of many of the infractions I’m complaining about and am thankful I haven’t caused injury or death to anyone because of my carelessness. If I had, I’m sure I would have felt horrible but wouldn’t have been able to repair the damages I caused.

Law enforcement officers can’t be everywhere and see everything… yet. Financial penalties are not usually effective in changing the behavior of dangerously inconsiderate drivers and the revocation of driving privileges is reserved for deadbeat dads, drunk drivers or drivers who are habitually convicted of traffic offenses. Even when someone’s license is suspended, they are usually given “conditional” licenses to continue to drive to work, the grocery store, and other essential destinations. This trend sends a pretty weak message. A more definite impression might be made by sentencing offenders to spend a night or two in the emergency room of the local hospital or the coroner’s office so they might witness the pain, agony and loss caused by similar behavior.

As is the case with most people addicted to dangerous personal behaviors, dangerous drivers are in a state of denial regarding their habits. If not, they are just plain inconsiderate, self-centered and rude. If you see yourself in any of the addressed situations, ask yourself if the behavior is worth the possible consequences. Is that phone call important enough to cause the death of the baby and young mother in the car in front of you? Is the timing of your arrival to your destination crucial enough to trade for the lives of the grandparents on their way to a family gathering? Is the effort required to use your turn signals and check your mirrors so strenuous that you’d rather run the motorcyclist off the road than tire yourself? Is your truck load of produce more important than my family’s safety? To me, it is not!

The safety regulations with regard to driving are not that difficult to follow or understand and that’s why I have very little tolerance for people who don’t abide by them. It’s quite simple… pay attention to what’s going on around you, communicate to let other motorists know your intentions and practice a little common courtesy. The roads would be a lot safer if everyone did this, and I’d have one less thing to complain about.