YOUR MOVE MR BOND?
Myron Edwards
November 27, 2006
In celebration of the latest escapade by the world's most famous super spy James Bond, his latest adventure being a remake of the very first James Bond Movie Casino Royale, played by David Niven, but in the new version by Daniel Craig.; we present:
"Your Move Mr. Bond?"
In this edited and completely unexpurgated and unrelated in any way version 007 is pitted against his arch enemy Coldfinger Scarey-Mouse.
The rich setting of Montenegro acts as backdrop to the Casino Royale location. Against this enduring scene of tranquil luxury and intense excitement, lies one question; Has Bond met his match!
Bond entered the hustling casino atmosphere, walked slowly with style over to the waiting Baccarat table, he paused then turned away. Not tonight, I think MR. Bond?" A squat figure in a dark trench coat that dragged on the floor saddled up to him.
"Ah Scarey-Mouse fancy you being here, I thought this game was a little too honest for you."
"On the contrary Mr. Bond, my game is changing, I have been away from the cards for a while now, and I prefer a rounder game, if you get my drift."
"How is Miss Fat belly these days, still a Fat Belly?"
"Indeed she is Mr. Bond and she is getting bigger each day. But let us not degenerate this little chat into mindless boredom about my associates, shall we turn to something a little more challenging?
A waitress somewhat scantily attired sashayed over to Bind resplendent in his dinner jacket and white scarf."
"Your Martini, stirred but not shaken" Mr. Bond.
"Thank you," Bond took the glass from the delicate hand of the waitress and placed a kiss on her hand. The girl shied quietly away, a lingering smile on her face and a promise of more to come.
"You never seem to change James, Martini…
"Yes, but like my women I vary it."
"And no doubt leave them shaken and stirred," Scarey-Mouse laughs.
"What is it that I can do for you then Scarey-Mouse?"
"Just a game, James, just a game?"
Bond followed Scaryey-Mouse through two large oak paneled doors into a long marble corridor, in which the crystal chandeliers above them, glistened, as the tinkle of the piano keys floated down the corridor accompanying their footsteps.
Scarey-Mouse swung a small door open, and entered a saloon room off the main corridor. The lush interior was made up of a mix of polished woods and a treasure trove of ornate silver and priceless object dart.
"Do take a seat James?"
Bond sat; a Martini was placed next to his position on the table.
"What are we playing Scarey-Mouse?"
"A game that I hope you are not familiar with, a game that I have mastered and won that I know you won't beat me at….."
"Russian Roulette is it?"
"Oh, James how could you be so uncouth, it is not worthy of you, no this is a game, which takes skill and a little cunning to win."
Scarey-Mouse pulled, open a drawer and took from it a large wooden brightly polished mahogany box, Bond covered his holster, his finger poised on the trigger of his Biretta.
Scarey-Mouse opened the box to reveal an onyx marble encrusted covered backgammon board with checkers made of gold and black ivory. Two diamond studded dice completed the ensemble.
"You know how to play James?"
"Of course. I was a school Champion."
"Then let me offer you the first dice," Scarey-Mouse watched as Bond placed the two diamonds into the throwing cup. It too was made of gold. The dice rattled inside the cup then rolled out onto the board. A four and a six were the fist two numbers that rolled over the ornate board.
Bond took his gold checkers and positioned them.
Scarey-Mouse accepted the cup and placed the dice inside, slowly he shook the cup and with a flick of his wrist the dice rested on the board. A 2 and a 5
Bond, smiled as he moved to take the cup from Scarey-Mouse.
"You know James, you have caused me a lot of trouble over the years, what say we make this game interesting, with a little wager?"
"What did you have in mind?"
"If you lose, which undoubtedly you will, the you will steal the Crown Jewels for me, the British Crown Jewels , what a delicious irony that would be the British Top secret agent stealing from his Queen, oh how the papers will revel in those headlines. Bond Goes to the Tower, can you see that"
"You are mad Scarey-Mouse, why would I do that… even if I lose."
"Because you are a man of honour James and your conscience would not allow you to welch on a bet, besides I would inform M16 that you were working for me."
"And if I win?"
"Then you can leave with this. Scarey-Mouse opened the attaché case by the side of the table, it was a bomb, packed neatly into the case.
"Yes James' it's a bomb, crude I know but it does give me a certain leeway, as
The only way to deactivate the bomb is to win the game, and if you do, the last checker you bear off de-activates the case, each checker is primed to a certain code, you see and when played on the board sends a pulse to the case, once the last one is played it switches off. If on the other hand you don't bear off all your checkers. Then this Casino and everyone in it go UP"
"And it's my turn now?"
"Indeed Mr. Bond it's your move."
To be continued:
Never one to perspire, Bond took the gold cup and stared deep into the eyes of his arch enemy. He rolled the dice slowly in the cup and paused, before throwing them deep onto the board, the diced rolled once then again, before settling on a three and a one.
"Oh, that's not so good James."
The banter continued between the two for a few more rolls and as the action increased to the portion in the game where the race and chase began, Bond positioned himself to lay an anchor. Scarey-Mouse rolled his dice but the roll was not to his liking and he smacked the dice hard against the board.
"Temper, temper Scarey-Mouse, you still have checkers left and I could gammon you from here in."
"Indeed you could Mr. Bond, but I have options available, so you haven't won just yet."
Seeing his moment, Scarey-Mouse initiated a premature roll, a classic cheating movement; the roll turned out to be bad, Scarey-Mouse collected the dice and, before Bond could see the digits rolled again.
"My apologies Mr. Bond."
Bond sensed the time was now and took a subtle and more deliberate approach that of the late pick up, reaching across the board he put his hand over the dice, feigning as if to pick them up, but not raising them from the board. His sleight of hand resulted in him dropping and collecting another set of dice from his hand, Then dice rolled and Bond clasped his fist concealing the diamond dice, Scarey-Mouse watched as Bond placed all his checkers on the home board.
"What are you doing Mr...? Bond, that is not the way to play you are allowed to move only one or two checkers Mr. Bond at a time not all of them, you forfeit the game."
"On the contrary Mr. Scarey-Mouse it is you who lose, the dice you have in your hand are not the same that we have been playing with, they look the same, but they're not these are electro magnetic dice that omit a signal that
Traps electrical pulses, so your bomb is already deactivated."
"You are a liar Mr. Bond, and you dare to wager with me the lives of all the people in this casino against your pathetic little Q made device.Wee shall see."
Scarey-Mouse opened the case and saw that the trigger was still intact.
Bond reached for hisBirettaa and fired tow shots deep into the chest of Scarey-Mouse still holding the attaché case on his lap, his last dying move was to reach for the button, as he did, Bond punched the board into the air and all the checkers cascaded to the floor, the bomb just like Scarey-Mouse was de-activated.
As Bond walked towards the door, he left his arch enemy's body slumped in the chair.
Before he shut the door, he held the two diamond dice in his hand and threw one in the air, thinking to himself.
"Next time I'll bring a doubling cube."
"Your Move Mr. Bond?"
In this edited and completely unexpurgated and unrelated in any way version 007 is pitted against his arch enemy Coldfinger Scarey-Mouse.
The rich setting of Montenegro acts as backdrop to the Casino Royale location. Against this enduring scene of tranquil luxury and intense excitement, lies one question; Has Bond met his match!
Bond entered the hustling casino atmosphere, walked slowly with style over to the waiting Baccarat table, he paused then turned away. Not tonight, I think MR. Bond?" A squat figure in a dark trench coat that dragged on the floor saddled up to him.
"Ah Scarey-Mouse fancy you being here, I thought this game was a little too honest for you."
"On the contrary Mr. Bond, my game is changing, I have been away from the cards for a while now, and I prefer a rounder game, if you get my drift."
"How is Miss Fat belly these days, still a Fat Belly?"
"Indeed she is Mr. Bond and she is getting bigger each day. But let us not degenerate this little chat into mindless boredom about my associates, shall we turn to something a little more challenging?
A waitress somewhat scantily attired sashayed over to Bind resplendent in his dinner jacket and white scarf."
"Your Martini, stirred but not shaken" Mr. Bond.
"Thank you," Bond took the glass from the delicate hand of the waitress and placed a kiss on her hand. The girl shied quietly away, a lingering smile on her face and a promise of more to come.
"You never seem to change James, Martini…
"Yes, but like my women I vary it."
"And no doubt leave them shaken and stirred," Scarey-Mouse laughs.
"What is it that I can do for you then Scarey-Mouse?"
"Just a game, James, just a game?"
Bond followed Scaryey-Mouse through two large oak paneled doors into a long marble corridor, in which the crystal chandeliers above them, glistened, as the tinkle of the piano keys floated down the corridor accompanying their footsteps.
Scarey-Mouse swung a small door open, and entered a saloon room off the main corridor. The lush interior was made up of a mix of polished woods and a treasure trove of ornate silver and priceless object dart.
"Do take a seat James?"
Bond sat; a Martini was placed next to his position on the table.
"What are we playing Scarey-Mouse?"
"A game that I hope you are not familiar with, a game that I have mastered and won that I know you won't beat me at….."
"Russian Roulette is it?"
"Oh, James how could you be so uncouth, it is not worthy of you, no this is a game, which takes skill and a little cunning to win."
Scarey-Mouse pulled, open a drawer and took from it a large wooden brightly polished mahogany box, Bond covered his holster, his finger poised on the trigger of his Biretta.
Scarey-Mouse opened the box to reveal an onyx marble encrusted covered backgammon board with checkers made of gold and black ivory. Two diamond studded dice completed the ensemble.
"You know how to play James?"
"Of course. I was a school Champion."
"Then let me offer you the first dice," Scarey-Mouse watched as Bond placed the two diamonds into the throwing cup. It too was made of gold. The dice rattled inside the cup then rolled out onto the board. A four and a six were the fist two numbers that rolled over the ornate board.
Bond took his gold checkers and positioned them.
Scarey-Mouse accepted the cup and placed the dice inside, slowly he shook the cup and with a flick of his wrist the dice rested on the board. A 2 and a 5
Bond, smiled as he moved to take the cup from Scarey-Mouse.
"You know James, you have caused me a lot of trouble over the years, what say we make this game interesting, with a little wager?"
"What did you have in mind?"
"If you lose, which undoubtedly you will, the you will steal the Crown Jewels for me, the British Crown Jewels , what a delicious irony that would be the British Top secret agent stealing from his Queen, oh how the papers will revel in those headlines. Bond Goes to the Tower, can you see that"
"You are mad Scarey-Mouse, why would I do that… even if I lose."
"Because you are a man of honour James and your conscience would not allow you to welch on a bet, besides I would inform M16 that you were working for me."
"And if I win?"
"Then you can leave with this. Scarey-Mouse opened the attaché case by the side of the table, it was a bomb, packed neatly into the case.
"Yes James' it's a bomb, crude I know but it does give me a certain leeway, as
The only way to deactivate the bomb is to win the game, and if you do, the last checker you bear off de-activates the case, each checker is primed to a certain code, you see and when played on the board sends a pulse to the case, once the last one is played it switches off. If on the other hand you don't bear off all your checkers. Then this Casino and everyone in it go UP"
"And it's my turn now?"
"Indeed Mr. Bond it's your move."
To be continued:
Never one to perspire, Bond took the gold cup and stared deep into the eyes of his arch enemy. He rolled the dice slowly in the cup and paused, before throwing them deep onto the board, the diced rolled once then again, before settling on a three and a one.
"Oh, that's not so good James."
The banter continued between the two for a few more rolls and as the action increased to the portion in the game where the race and chase began, Bond positioned himself to lay an anchor. Scarey-Mouse rolled his dice but the roll was not to his liking and he smacked the dice hard against the board.
"Temper, temper Scarey-Mouse, you still have checkers left and I could gammon you from here in."
"Indeed you could Mr. Bond, but I have options available, so you haven't won just yet."
Seeing his moment, Scarey-Mouse initiated a premature roll, a classic cheating movement; the roll turned out to be bad, Scarey-Mouse collected the dice and, before Bond could see the digits rolled again.
"My apologies Mr. Bond."
Bond sensed the time was now and took a subtle and more deliberate approach that of the late pick up, reaching across the board he put his hand over the dice, feigning as if to pick them up, but not raising them from the board. His sleight of hand resulted in him dropping and collecting another set of dice from his hand, Then dice rolled and Bond clasped his fist concealing the diamond dice, Scarey-Mouse watched as Bond placed all his checkers on the home board.
"What are you doing Mr...? Bond, that is not the way to play you are allowed to move only one or two checkers Mr. Bond at a time not all of them, you forfeit the game."
"On the contrary Mr. Scarey-Mouse it is you who lose, the dice you have in your hand are not the same that we have been playing with, they look the same, but they're not these are electro magnetic dice that omit a signal that
Traps electrical pulses, so your bomb is already deactivated."
"You are a liar Mr. Bond, and you dare to wager with me the lives of all the people in this casino against your pathetic little Q made device.Wee shall see."
Scarey-Mouse opened the case and saw that the trigger was still intact.
Bond reached for hisBirettaa and fired tow shots deep into the chest of Scarey-Mouse still holding the attaché case on his lap, his last dying move was to reach for the button, as he did, Bond punched the board into the air and all the checkers cascaded to the floor, the bomb just like Scarey-Mouse was de-activated.
As Bond walked towards the door, he left his arch enemy's body slumped in the chair.
Before he shut the door, he held the two diamond dice in his hand and threw one in the air, thinking to himself.
"Next time I'll bring a doubling cube."
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