The Pahl Paw Patch: Switchback
Nelson Pahl
July 03, 2010
I zig-zag through the switchbacks with sweaty palms, white-knuckling the steering wheel. I drive a car I´ll most likely lose soon. Navigating one switchback then the other—sixteen take me to the small enclave my wife, Ellie, and I call home—I stare at the distant prairies, amid heavy thought.
I´m an IT professional. Until today, I worked for a successful firm and made good money, with an excellent benefits package. At 4:00 PM, I found out that twelve employees, me included, would be let go, effective Friday. It´s Wednesday, five-thirty.
The job market here is tough, and it´s been that way for two years. So, my chances of finding new employment any time soon are slim-to-none.
Ellie will be home from work by the time I get to the house. I have no idea how to tell her. It´ll crush her. Ellie´s been dying to send Tia, our six-year-old daughter, to private school next fall—an art school, for our right brain-dominate little girl. Now, with only her income, which is 80% of mine, we´ll be lucky if we can keep the house and both cars, let alone afford private school tuition.
I make my way through switchback number eight. I´m halfway between town, which rests at sea level, and our home 300 meters above it. I still have no clue how to tell her. God…I do not want to tell her! How long could I pretend to have a job before she´d find out the truth? Long enough to find another one? In this job market? No way!
I don´t know what to do. We have so little savings; we´ve just started putting money away—finally—and there´s no way that savings will last more than a few months with the home, the cars, and Tia.
I´ll be honest: I´m fighting tears so hard my sinuses are swollen. My chest is tight, my stomach nauseated. My palms still sweat, as does my brow—even though I have the car´s air-conditioning cranked. If I grind my back molars any harder, I´m sure to start a fire in my mouth.
Have you ever loved someone so much you´d literally die to protect him or her? Me too. Now, pretend some psycho has a gun to your wife and daughter´s head…
And you´re strapped to a chair, watching it all go down.
If I can manage to get the words out, if I can summon the courage to shatter Ellie´s heart, the only woman I´ve loved besides my mother, if I can just find a way…I know she´ll tell me it´s OK. that we´ll get through it. But she´ll be lying, just to save me more shame. She´ll caress my cheeks, stand high on her tip-toes, and kiss my forehead, then lead to me to the sofa, where she´ll coddle me.
Ellie will do all this after she´s logged a full day at a hyper-competitive ad agency.
Just for me, just because.
I turn around the last bend. There´s my driveway, fifty feet ahead. I creep toward it, trying to buy just a little more time—more time to sort out my explanation. What in god´s name am I going to tell her? I need to figure it out, but I can´t think straight; I can´t find a solution.
As I turn into the driveway, I gather the biggest breath I can muster…and then exhale a mighty sigh.
I park the car amid the driveway. I sit for a long moment, motionless. I study the house we built. What a beautiful home, if a bit small. She and I did it right. At the thought of losing it, I cringe and bury my face in my hand. I hold it there for what seems like minutes.
As a skateboard with child upon it whisks by the driveway, I ease my head from my hand and, again, I draw the deepest breath I can summon…then exhale it as if trying to pass a sinus polyp.
I pluck my briefcase from the passenger seat and open the car door. I step from the car, shut the door, and make my way toward the house.
Ellie sees me through the front bay window, as she drops placemats on the kitchen table. Ellie trots to the front door and opens it; she waits for me with open arms, as I slog along the sidewalk, destined for the front porch.
"Baby…" Ellie says. "You´re finally home!" She steps onto the porch and meets me at the top step with an embrace. She squeezes with all her might. "Mmm…I´ve missed you."
I wrap my free arm around her and pull her tight. "Me too," I mumble.
Ellie steps back and inspects me. "Why so blue?"
I don´t even know where to start. "Um…El…" I fight the tears as hard as I can, but it´s pointless.
"Oh, baby…what´s wrong with you?" She wipes a tear from my cheek, then another, while I stand frozen, shoulders slouched, briefcase still in hand. "I´ve never seen you cry in all of our years together."
"El…I´ve got some bad news. And I´m so sorry about it."
"Oh, baby…" Ellie caresses my cheek as she gazes into my eyes. "I don´t know what happened today, or how it happened, but—"
"I don´t either." I look to the concrete floor, in shame. "I should´ve seen it coming. I should´ve prepared us for this."
Ellie lifts my chin, her tone sweet. "Will you listen to me, please?" She cups my cheeks and gazes deep into me. "That´s not what I´m talking about. Let me finish, OK?"
I nod.
"OK…now…I don´t know what happened today or how it happened. But…it happened." Ellie envelopes my lips with hers for a brief but potent moment, then pulls away and stares me in the eyes, hands still upon my cheeks. "Baby…I got a promotion today." Ellie fights a smile. "The damnedest thing: They doubled my salary, effective Monday. Full benefits, too, including dental."
I stand speechless.
Copyright © 2010 Nelson Pahl
I´m an IT professional. Until today, I worked for a successful firm and made good money, with an excellent benefits package. At 4:00 PM, I found out that twelve employees, me included, would be let go, effective Friday. It´s Wednesday, five-thirty.
The job market here is tough, and it´s been that way for two years. So, my chances of finding new employment any time soon are slim-to-none.
Ellie will be home from work by the time I get to the house. I have no idea how to tell her. It´ll crush her. Ellie´s been dying to send Tia, our six-year-old daughter, to private school next fall—an art school, for our right brain-dominate little girl. Now, with only her income, which is 80% of mine, we´ll be lucky if we can keep the house and both cars, let alone afford private school tuition.
I make my way through switchback number eight. I´m halfway between town, which rests at sea level, and our home 300 meters above it. I still have no clue how to tell her. God…I do not want to tell her! How long could I pretend to have a job before she´d find out the truth? Long enough to find another one? In this job market? No way!
I don´t know what to do. We have so little savings; we´ve just started putting money away—finally—and there´s no way that savings will last more than a few months with the home, the cars, and Tia.
I´ll be honest: I´m fighting tears so hard my sinuses are swollen. My chest is tight, my stomach nauseated. My palms still sweat, as does my brow—even though I have the car´s air-conditioning cranked. If I grind my back molars any harder, I´m sure to start a fire in my mouth.
Have you ever loved someone so much you´d literally die to protect him or her? Me too. Now, pretend some psycho has a gun to your wife and daughter´s head…
And you´re strapped to a chair, watching it all go down.
If I can manage to get the words out, if I can summon the courage to shatter Ellie´s heart, the only woman I´ve loved besides my mother, if I can just find a way…I know she´ll tell me it´s OK. that we´ll get through it. But she´ll be lying, just to save me more shame. She´ll caress my cheeks, stand high on her tip-toes, and kiss my forehead, then lead to me to the sofa, where she´ll coddle me.
Ellie will do all this after she´s logged a full day at a hyper-competitive ad agency.
Just for me, just because.
I turn around the last bend. There´s my driveway, fifty feet ahead. I creep toward it, trying to buy just a little more time—more time to sort out my explanation. What in god´s name am I going to tell her? I need to figure it out, but I can´t think straight; I can´t find a solution.
As I turn into the driveway, I gather the biggest breath I can muster…and then exhale a mighty sigh.
I park the car amid the driveway. I sit for a long moment, motionless. I study the house we built. What a beautiful home, if a bit small. She and I did it right. At the thought of losing it, I cringe and bury my face in my hand. I hold it there for what seems like minutes.
As a skateboard with child upon it whisks by the driveway, I ease my head from my hand and, again, I draw the deepest breath I can summon…then exhale it as if trying to pass a sinus polyp.
I pluck my briefcase from the passenger seat and open the car door. I step from the car, shut the door, and make my way toward the house.
Ellie sees me through the front bay window, as she drops placemats on the kitchen table. Ellie trots to the front door and opens it; she waits for me with open arms, as I slog along the sidewalk, destined for the front porch.
"Baby…" Ellie says. "You´re finally home!" She steps onto the porch and meets me at the top step with an embrace. She squeezes with all her might. "Mmm…I´ve missed you."
I wrap my free arm around her and pull her tight. "Me too," I mumble.
Ellie steps back and inspects me. "Why so blue?"
I don´t even know where to start. "Um…El…" I fight the tears as hard as I can, but it´s pointless.
"Oh, baby…what´s wrong with you?" She wipes a tear from my cheek, then another, while I stand frozen, shoulders slouched, briefcase still in hand. "I´ve never seen you cry in all of our years together."
"El…I´ve got some bad news. And I´m so sorry about it."
"Oh, baby…" Ellie caresses my cheek as she gazes into my eyes. "I don´t know what happened today, or how it happened, but—"
"I don´t either." I look to the concrete floor, in shame. "I should´ve seen it coming. I should´ve prepared us for this."
Ellie lifts my chin, her tone sweet. "Will you listen to me, please?" She cups my cheeks and gazes deep into me. "That´s not what I´m talking about. Let me finish, OK?"
I nod.
"OK…now…I don´t know what happened today or how it happened. But…it happened." Ellie envelopes my lips with hers for a brief but potent moment, then pulls away and stares me in the eyes, hands still upon my cheeks. "Baby…I got a promotion today." Ellie fights a smile. "The damnedest thing: They doubled my salary, effective Monday. Full benefits, too, including dental."
I stand speechless.
Copyright © 2010 Nelson Pahl
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