Embrace the Ordinariness

It is easier to be a lover than a husband for the simple reason that it is more difficult to be witty every day than to say pretty things from time to time. – Balzac (1829)

For the 6th time in as many years, my friend JB was truly, madly, deeply in love again.

So where did you meet this one?” I asked, already guessing it was someplace exotic. Blackjack tables in Monaco. A ski-lift in Austria. Swimming with sharks in Bermuda.

No, his initials don’t stand for “James Bond.” He’s a 50-something editor who just has a penchant for meeting women in dazzling locales involving risk, riches, and romance.

He met the latest one in a hot tub in Aspen.

I hope this one lasts,” he wistfully remarked.

Unfortunately, what JB and others like him have yet to embrace is the concept of ordinariness. While it doesn’t imply one should seek out dull companions over stunning ones, it does affirm that relationships predicated on non-stop glitz have a higher failure rate than those which incorporate a little workaday dullness.

Long distance affairs, of course, are a prime example of using external stimulus to compensate for time spent apart. The urgency to make each coveted weekend/vacation rendezvous spectacularly perfect allows no room for the mundane to encroach.

The convenience of lovers only having to be “on” at scheduled, out-of-town intervals, however, doesn’t bode well for the future if they ever had to spend 24/7 together. Why? Because a successful romance has to derive its excitement from within, not from the environment.

I suggested this theory to JB. “Why don’t you just invite her to Michigan for a week?” I said.

His initial response was that there was nothing to do there to keep her entertained.

Nonetheless intrigued, he took my advice. By the 3rd day of home-cooking, playing Scrabble, and walking the dog, she caught the next plane back to Florida and hasn’t been heard from since.

So what are you going to do now?” I asked, hoping I had imparted a valuable lesson.

Not sure yet,” he said, “but I’ve always wanted to run with the bulls in Pamplona. Maybe I’ll meet someone…”