I Am In Kansas, Dorothy

Merle Exit
I´m looking out at a waterfront view from the Hyatt Regency Hotel in Wichita thinking about last three days of constant sights and sites ever to return for what I´ve missed.

The truth is that I enjoyed flying on Air Tran when I went to the Football Hall of Fame in Canton, Ohio and wondered what there other destinations were. Wichita? Why not. I could say, "Hey Toto, we´re not in New York anymore".

Lunchtime! Ate at a place called Nu Way noted for their crumbled hamburger. Sloppy Joe without the sloppy and now I was ready to explore! Skipped dessert for Cero´s Candies, where chocolate reigns. They´ve been around for a trillion years and use Merckens, just like Schmidt´s does here in Woodhaven. However, I found out that Cero´s requests a particular grade and roasting of the beans, so just knowing the supplier is not enough for us chocoholics!

Nifty Nut House was the next stop. Over 500 items and nuts of all kinds, both roasted and raw. Chocolate covered. Dark chocolate covered makes it healthier? All types of candies, too. Chocolate and cherry flavored covered pecans. Chocolate covered espresso beans. Okay that´s not a nut. But, shelled and roasted pumpkin seeds with just a hint of salt are. I wound up using some in my cooking to add both the salty and crunchy ingredient to a chicken dish. Oh, they even have gumball machines lining the shelves.

I was told that a place called the Museum of World Treasures was one of the top sights and could certainly understand. Egyptian mummies, rare coins, Civil War artifacts, items from WWI, WWII, dinosaurs and sports memorabilia. I asked if they would be interested in having a permanent exhibit of a women´s tackle football team called the New York Sharks as they are the only women´s football team to have an item displayed at the Pro Football Hall of Fame. Done deal. Exhibit includes owner and former quarterback Andra Douglas´ retired jersey, photo of her accepting an award from the Women´s Sports Foundation, football signed by the team, and a group of several photos depicting the history of this longest and "winningest" team.

One more stop before dinner. Since this is cowboy country, I must have a hat. There´s this guy, Jack Kellogg who owns Hatman Jack´s Wichita Hat Works. He caterers not only to the area but also to celebrities around the globe. He was able to look at and size me up for the perfect fitting hat. This was the first time that I looked good in a hat, even though it wasn´t of the cowboy ilk. He then showed me how hats were created.

Dinner was at a restaurant called Chelsea´s Bar ´n´ Grill. Great food. Joumana Toubia is the Director of Operations and quite well known in the area. That´s because she owns three other places. Abutting the restaurant is the Olive Tree Bistro, with just a different menu. Had a taste of each. Piccadilly Market has a café on the premises and the fourth was Bagatelle Bakery. Needless to say, Joumana is into catering and I understand that one can mail order the bakery.

Day two and off to Kansas Cosmosphere and Space Center. Wichita does have a separate science center called Exploration Place, but this one has stuff that you would see at that other place in Washington, DC. No, probably better. "Houston, we have a problem" is there. Yes, a restored Apollo 13 spacecraft. In fact, this is a space artifact hospital. Not all of the restorations are here. Their mommies get to pick them up when they´re better and take them home or to a museum. Lot´s of info and relics from both the U.S. and Russian space programs as well as an IMAX theatre.


The next stop was the most awesome! I went 650 feet down into one of only three salt mines in the world for a preview of Kansas Underground Salt Museum, in nearby Hutchinson. Salt mines are so far underground that you don´t have to worry about the weather above. In fact, it is void of moisture. The salt is basically used as rock salt for roads, but there´s nothing wrong with taking a small chunk, grinding it up and using it in your cooking. I hope they put a warning sign reading, "If you have high blood pressure, please do not lick the walls."

It´s basically sea salt and the "ocean" simply went dry a gazillion years ago. Its being void of moisture allows for storage as well. If you want, you can have them store family items that you want passed down over the years. I noticed that Warner Bros. stores their original movies. Now, since I was in the movie, "Up The Down Staircase", my claim to fame will live after humankind has passed on.

Still having to get the cowboy hat and gear for this evening I was off to Sheplers. well known for being the world´s largest western store with boots, jeans, shirts, hats, belts, buckles, jewelry and anything else suited for a cowgirl…or boy. The one in Wichita is the original store and it was here that I was fitted for my "cowgirl" hat.

Next day´s agenda began with re-creating the old frontier at Old Cowtown Living History Museum. This 17-open-acre museum focuses on Wichita and Sedgwick County, Kansas from 1865 to 1880. Areas are divided between: Old Town´s earliest settlement; residential; 1880 DeVore Farm; and Business and Industrial. Most popular is the Blacksmith. I got a souvenir flint starter and rock. Better than rubbing two sticks and works best with the leftover dryer lint. Hmm…flint lint.

As if I didn´t walk enough, it´s off to the Sedgewick County Zoo. The Downing Gorilla Forest reserve had me viewing bongos and okapi. There was this 13-foot long king cobra, a 5-foot tall bird called a cassowary and a bunch of cute animals from all over the world. I must say that I was quite surprised thinking that it would be "just another zoo". It´s definitely worth a visit.

What would an active city be without nightlife, especially the theatre. I had heard about a really funny show at Cabaret Oldtown called Menopaus-a-polooza. The cast of four women, along with owner Christi Moore wrote this hilarious musical. It´s about four women in the waiting room of a GYN and each in a different stage of menopause.

The songs were parodies and the group took care of the lyrics and dialogue. Not only did I scream with laughter at what I´ve experienced, but what my friends have complained about. Here´s my contributing joke. Q. How many menopausal women does it take to screw in a light bulb? A. WHO CARES!

Side Bar:

Tourism: www.visitwichita.com or www.wichita360.com.

Museum of World Treasures: www.worldtreasures.org.

Hatman Jack´s - 316-264-4881

Kansas Cosmosphere and Space Center: www.cosmo.org

Kansas Underground Salt Museum: www.undergroundmuseum.org.

Shepler´s: www.sheplers.com.

Old Cowtown: www.oldcowtown.org

Sedgwick County Zoo: www.scz.org

Olive Tree Bistro: www.latourusa.com

New York Sharks: www.nysharksfootball.com
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Merle Exit

As a native New Yorker, my childhood days were spent living in a housing project in Queens. Life´s educational traumas began during the first month of second grade when I was kicked out and forced to enter third grade. Teacher: (surrounded by principal, mother and teacher next door) "You can go to third grade or if you stay in second grade, you can´t raise your hand anymore." I believed it had something to do with my IQ and reading skills. I chose third grade and stopped reading.
A few months later my family moved to a housing projects in the Bronx, where my third grade teacher immediately presented me with a white plastic instrument called a "flutophone", but no instructions except the ones that come with the toy. I figured it out for myself…as well as the recorder, the next year, and the piano, during the summer. With an opportunity to join the orchestra, I requested to play the clarinet. The teacher turned me down on this just because I´ve never played the instrument. I offered to then play the piano. When I told her that I had been playing it for two months (having gone through at least the first three books), she still denied my participation. Personally, I thought that the teacher had a mental or emotional problem, simply backed away and joined the glee club.
Vowing to complete my education ASAP, I skipped yet another grade and announced my career as a comedienne. My Junior High School education was filled with extra credits (whatever would get me out of class) and participation in the school play.
I attended the High School of Music and Art, but dropped out after two weeks (I was under the impression that I´d be playing the piano and singing all day) and opted for Christopher Columbus High School and taking up the oboe.
My chosen career commenced when I teamed up with Joel Brooks and joined a repertory group headed by Franklin R. Levy. Our first paid gig was actually working at a bakery where, when customers asked if the bread was fresh would respond by saying, "Yes. As a matter of fact we have to slap its face every hour."
Most likely due to my now poor reading level I barely made the grades to enrolling into Queens College (and eventually moved to Queens), where I graduated "cum hella high water"….or was it, "summa or later".
Summer came around after my freshman year and having just turned 17, still needed working papers. CCHS was a block away from my house, so I opted to have my former principal do the paper work. It was that particular day that a movie scout was seeking students for roles in the movie "Up The Down Staircase". When Director Robert Mulligan and Producer Alan Pakula said that they want me to be in the movie I knew that I would be enjoying a rather interesting summer job.
Although I tried to explain to our non-paying repertory director that I was going to be busy, he talked me into the role of Musical Director for a full production of "The Roar of the Greasepaint, the Smell of the Crowd". I "only" had to compose an overture, play 5 songs, transpose music and teach the musical numbers to about 15 teenagers. Two weeks into rehearsal, Franklin informed me that the girl playing third lead had to go away for the summer and would I take her part….
Picture my running cockney dialogue with Joel, exiting the stage and running down a flight of stairs, "silently" swinging the doors open to get to the piano in order to accompany his singing, "Who Can I Turn To".
I continued to complete my college degree, majoring in Communication Arts and Sciences with a minor in Psychology.
Despite my inability to get much more than a C+ on any term paper, I secured my first full time day job involving writing a monthly newsletter with information on where one can obtain grant money.
Needing a break from my job and show biz, I whet my travel appetite when, at the age of 21, I purchased a "See America" bus pass and, for a few months, traveled across the country.
When I returned home, I wrote and performed my solo nightclub act and changed my last name to "Exit", so that I could see my name "up in lights." The act included scenes from "The Wizard of Oz", Jerry Lewis imitations, show tunes and humorous songs.
In 1985 I submitted an article to a local newspaper, ceased my show biz career focusing on dining, entertainment and travel…and the rest is herstory.
Presently, I am the Arts and Entertainment Editor of the Queens Times and contributing writer for Empty Closet, La Voz Latina, Edge Publications, as well as several local and out of town publications.
In addition I was non-employed by the New York Sharks Women´s Tackle Football Team to do their publicity, the reason being that they have been voted as the top women´s football team in the country and not everyone knows who they are. I have succeeded in getting a signed football into the Pro Football Hall of Fame as the first item ever from a women´s football team. I have also gotten a permanent exhibit of the NY Sharks into the Museum of World Treasures in Wichita.
I recently secured my own radio show, Whirl With Merle, on www.blogtalkradio.com with several focuses; travel being the heart of it as well as having a blog site www.merleswhirls.blogspot.com.
In 2008 I decided to write and publish a book called "Whirl With Merle: It's A Humorous Life". It does not contain my numerous adventures. I will at some point follow up with "Whirl With Merle: It's An Adventurous Life".
I have recently acquired Esther, from the Rubber Chicken Forest located at the Twisted Oak Winery in California. She travels with me and manages to get into many of the photos.

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