First Date

My false imaginary image of myself at sixteen as a romantic swinging James Bond (I went to the movies often and this was who I wanted to be) was severely injured when I went on the first real date of my life with a girl named Sally Wood. Bruce, a chubby boy who played drums in the school band (what else did chubby boys do?) fixed me up on a double date. He would date the blonde vivacious Ginny, and I Sally, a pleasingly cute average girl who liked horses and who in the face looked somewhat like me. It was a fiasco.

I was crippled.

I didn’t know what to say or do. There we were in Bruce’s house, and the fat little bastard left me and Sally alone together on the couch while he took Ginny away to some other room to do God knows what, while I was stuck there..shivering.

It’s nice weather, I told Sally.

She nodded pleasantly. Yes it is.

I couldn’t form a thought in my head. I was as if an infant, sucking a toe.

It was nice weather today.

Yes I know.

What was I supposed to do? To say?

I want to be a mother some day, Sally told me. I want to have children, have them right and left.

Oh my God! I thought. What do I say now?

She had a crush on me. This she had shown earlier in class with moon calf eyes. But I was more afraid of her than the school bully. I was absolutely terror struck. Was I going to cry? Where was that Bruce? Some friend he turned out to be.

It was nice weather today.

We’ve already established that, she said, irritated.

I’m stupid. I’m so stupid. I don’t know what to do. She’s watching me be stupid. I’m watching me too, like I’m outside my own body, watching this, stumbling, ridiculous, baby chicken squirm and sweat. I got to get out of here. I feel faint. I think I’m going to pass out.

I was unable to utter a word.

She sat beside me on the sofa.

Bruce returned with Ginny. It seemed like he’d been gone a week. I felt like a lung had collapsed. Was I urinating on the sofa? No. Whew!

We went into the living room and listened to Beach Boy records.

You’ll never get married Ginny if you don’t start looking now, Sally solemnly and with dead seriousness advised her friend.

On the drive to take me home I was determined I was going to do something to salvage some bit of shattered pride from this sorry episode. I worked my nerve up. I had so little of it. I was helped by the thought that whatever it was I was going to do, I could do it, and cut and run after doing it. I channeled my own cowardice into something positive.

Sally was on the rear car seat beside me. She must have been really disappointed. Bruce and Ginny were in the front (Bruce had just gotten his driver’s license). He pulled up in front of my house. I leaned over and kissed Sally on the cheek.

I dashed from the car.

Copyright 2006 by SammonSays.com